Smiling Through

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen

“ What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.”- George Eliot

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now, as regular readers will know, I have been treated with hormone therapy for my prostate cancer over a period of a good ten years now; one of the side-effects can be - as it is so for me - regular depression and/or a rising sense of panic whenever even small things go wrong. 

I suspect it may seem worse for older people like myself who live alone, which is maybe why we appreciate acts of kindness so much, as it helps (considerably) to alleviate these symptoms; someone able to pare just a few minutes to talk to you and help calm you down can make all the difference.

Since the pandemic, everyone has been under stress. Here in London, acts of kindness are noticeably in far shorter supply than they were previously. For example, fewer people are willing to pause to help ole Rog when clearly in difficulty or offer a seat on a crowded bus or train, so I have to stand, leaning on my walking stick for support. 

 Whenever anyone does offer me their seat, I thank them, throw them a huge smile, and the light in their eyes suggests it is as much welcome to them as their offer of a seat is to me.

As in many old sayings, there is much truth in the one about kindness bringing its own reward. 

Hopefully, we have seen the worst of Covid-19 and its variants, although there remain hard times ahead as the financial crisis finds so many people struggling to make ends meet.

All any of us can do is keep looking on the brighter, lighter side of life and take comfort in the knowledge that there is always light at the end of even the longest tunnel.

No, never easy, but... we have a choice?

SMILING THROUGH

This heart grew heavy,
loaded down with sadness, a sense
of feeling adrift,
barely keeping afloat for sailing
stormy waters,
struggling to make sense of a life
searching heart-and soul
for that familiar surge of a lively inspiration,
now gone quiet, all but a vacuum

Mind-body-spirit
struggling to rise above such despair
as strikes fear
in the hearts of those of us anxious
to make sense
of a You-Me-Us simply drifting along
having all but lost sight
of who we are any more, not as once we were,
birds of a feather, so happy together

Lately, even the smiles 
on our faces tell lies, trying to disguise
a You-Me-Us fallen apart
over tard times without our noticing,
taking us for granted,
failing to see how we rarely any more
as once we would
fondly reminisce about how we met, fell in love,
caught up in the magic of stars above

So… it came to pass,
we agreed a trial separation some time
to think us through,
search the remains of who we once were,
try  and see our way clear
to bring You-Me-Us together again, fill 
the Black Hole
we'd dug ourselves, a lonely, grieving while apart,.
anxious to reconcile mind-body-spirit

Yes, we courted anew, years falling away, tears too,
a shared heart-and-soul smiling through...

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

Getting the Better of Stress

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"Don’t forget, beautiful sunsets need cloudy skies." – Paulo Coelho

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." - Buddha

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius

“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed an uncharted land or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." - Helen Keller. 

Now, the pandemic has caused many of us to feel more stressed out than perhaps we quite realise. The death of Queen Elizabeth II has also hit many people harder than they quite realise; a seemingly permanent stable influence proven to be but human.

I have to say that, although no die-hard monarchist, I have been further upset to see and hear about protesters; there is a time and a place, surely? Besides most protests relate to political history. Whatever her private thoughts, the late Queen made a point of distancing herself from politics. She was our Head of State, but in name only. More importantly, she was a Woman of the People. The business of governing is down to the Government of the Day.

One of the most remarkable aspects of the late Queen’s reign was that she remained politically neutral, leaving the rest of us free to admire her, regardless of our ethnicity, sexuality, religion, politics, whatever...

It has always been my view that any protests, wherever in the world and for whatever reason, belong outside its Head of Government's residence or Parliament. 

As for history...well, that is as it is, for better and for worse; a learning curve  (we hope) for the Here-and-Now and future generations.

Whatever its causes (always more than one) stress is awful while it lasts; one of its more positive side-effects, though, is that we may well start asking ourselves why we feel this way and eventually feel motivated to at least making a start in doing something about it. Confiding in someone, even calling a help-line or, better still, letting loved ones and close friends know how we feel and asking for their help and support is a vital first step.

Once having decided to take that first step, even before we have actually carried it through, is invariably the beginning of the end to our distress.

Doing battle with a contrary self-awareness is never easy…But… needs must... as heart-and-soul message mind-body-spirit to get its act together and... wise up?

GETTING THE BETTER OF STRESS

Common sense, losing its voice,
afraid to ask for aid
for fear of being thought weak,
struggling like hell to exit
a gloomy maze, no clear sense
of direction, what little light
fading with every faltering move, 
unable to pray or even convince myself
tomorrow’s another day…

Sick at heart-and soul, no matter
a mind-body-spirit 
urging me to dismiss the demons
haunting, taunting me,
reminding me of happier times
before drowning them
in a sea of loneliness, any happiness
a lost cause, the too-eager fingers of panic
tightening around my neck…

Deep breaths, hold, let go, repeat,
an exercise in hope 
if ever there was one, attempting 
to regain the advantage
over demons, all shapes and sizes,
while, for all their hell-fire,
no less able than the better part of us
to resist counter-attacks by the warring grin
of anyone up for taking them on

Demons, driving me any which way
but loose, unless I dare
call on such life forces as likely
to get the better of them;
namely, love, friendship, guiding lights
come to help rescue me, 
a spirit of do-or-die more hell-bent
on seeing me find a way to rise above it all
than cover for a demon’s fall

Common sense dead set on going walk-about;
Time yet, though, to give someone a shout….

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Note: This post-poem appears on both poetry blogs today. I can but refer any readers interested in the reason to the Note I have posted there.] RT

Getting the Better of Hindsight

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. - Benjamin E. Mays

It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. - Benjamin E. Mays

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. – William Burroughs

Something I have had to relearn as I grow old, is the art of relaxation. In later years, I’ve become, a good deal more dissatisfied with my life as it is now and as, at heart, if it has seemed for years. I am relearning fast, though, able more each day to make the best rather than the worst of things, my age - and various limitations it imposes - notwithstanding. While never easy to prevent any limitations at any age get the better of us… it has to be better than The Abyss, yes?

Yes, yes, YES...

GETTING THE BETTER OF HINDSIGHT

I wandered as lonely in a crowd
as when I am alone, invariably close 
to tears that refusing to fall.
 trusting mind-body-spirit to yet find
way through scary shadows,
restore light to a heart-and soul
left feeling abandoned
by all it's tried to believe in, never sure what,
would have me start out...

Love gave me life, lent me strength,
yet it was never quite enough to save me
From having to sleep rough
under bridges I’d dearly wish to cross,
but mind-body-spirit
had other plans for me, lessons words
cannot teach a heart-and soul
never sure what to do, where to go, in whom
to trust, a place called home

Time and again I' have followed paths
leading to much the same crisis, an abyss
into which I’d long to fling 
my whole being, sick of never feeling
that I belonged anywhere,
cowering in a corner, afraid to come out
even among friends,
abyss drawing me to its  edge time and again
for so wanting to end my pain

Yet, the lure of life and love find me
back in the full swung of this nothingness
offering me everything 
and nothing at all, mind-body spirit on hand
to comfort a heart-and-soul
ever fluctuating across an entire range
of human feelings and foci,
as happy as I could ever be, letting my tears flow 
for selves in me I'd never know

Suddenly, children’s voices in my ear
wave me to look around, listen to all I see.
feeling all the better 
for it, mind-body-spirit ever reminding me
that life was never going to be
a bowl of cherries, but other fruits on hand
to enjoy - whether by sharing
for real, in dreams making much of make-believe,
or on a well-manicured sleeve

Come what may, there's are lasting joys of living
to be had, our circumstances notwithstanding…

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

Hello again from London UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"I know not with what weapons World War 111 will be fought, but World War 1V will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein

Hello again everyone, from London UK

A reader, G M, has emailed to complain about yesterday's poem which drew particular attention to the fears of LGBT folks in Ukraine should Putin's armed forces take control. Sorry, no apologies for that.. I am a gay man, after all.

Apologies, though, for having no poem to offer today as I am very unwell with a bad cold; colds seem to last so much longer and be so much worse  now I am in my late 70's. Even so, I am working on one that I hope to post here sometime this week.

It has been a stressful weekend for everyone. It is bad enough that the world is not yet free of the coronavirus, but events unfolding in Ukraine have been very distressing to watch on various media, especially for those with family and friends there.  

It is all very well for Boris Johnson, our Prime Minister, to dismiss Putin's putting Russia's nuclear forces on high alert, but many if not most of us are deeply concerned; accidents will happen, after all...  My late grandfather served in WW1 and my father served in WW2; they rarely spoke of their experiences, but when they did, we young ones were shocked, to say the least.

I don't think even Putin would be stupid enough to deliberately unleash any nuclear capability on Ukraine, but can understand  anyone, especially WW2 veterans, waiting with baited breath for better news on that front. Let's hope Putin is familiar with the above quote attributed to Albert Einstein. 😉

Meanwhile, here and around the world, inflation is starting to bite, likely to worsen as sanctions against Russia increase their grip.; sanctions of any kind, against whomsoever for whatever reasons are never a one-way street.😒

No political animal here, so I have no more idea what to expect from the Russian invasion of Ukraine than anyone else. I can only repeat that I have always found any rising stress somewhat alleviated by a recalling a common saying to which my mother would always refer in a  crisis: 'If you worry, you'll die and if you don't worry, you'll die one day anyway, so... why worry?" Easier said than done, of course, but anything that helps relieve stress, has to be a good thing; we can be of little help or comfort to each other if we are stressed out to our limits.

Sorry, I need to rest now as I have a splitting headache from looking at and typing to a computer screen.

Take care everyone, stay safe and may all those folks in Ukraine at least take heart from knowing that the world is rooting for you; in Russia, too, where many people are opposed to the war against Ukraine, not least because they, too, have family and friends there.

Bye for now, back soon,

Hugs,

Roger

Wreck of 'The Perfidy'

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“If one tries to navigate unknown waters, one runs the risk of shipwreck.” - Albert Einstein

“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

“Every Government has as much of a duty to avoid war as a ship’s captain has to avoid a shipwreck.” - - Guy de Maupassant

Whether or not Russia invades Ukraine, there are likely to be personal well as political repercussions for all concerned.

Much the same can be said for the Covid-19 pandemic; signs akin to post traumatic stress syndrome (PMT) may well manifest themselves in many if not most of us, and we need to remain alert to the possibility.

While the pandemic, is hopefully in decline, common sense alone would suggest that now is not the time to assume that all’s well that ends well. We need to stay on high alert for some time yet, maybe years. Even so, we can still get ourselves a life and make it well worth the having, yes?

Yes!

WRECK OF ‘THE PERFIDY’

I am no ‘fate’ pitting us
against stormy seas, rather dare
or circumstance,
feeding our personal space
with such ideas...
whether perceived as serving history,
pecuniary advantage,
or simply needing to chase a heart’s ambitions
any repercussions, down to us

I will throw a lifeline
of sorts to any mind-body-spirit 
in such distress
as it cannot begin to assess
the risks involved,
concerned only with breaking free,
seemingly a second chance
to turn a life around that’s run aground
on ever shifting mud flats

A coastline in full view
suggesting such safety and security
as only troubled souls
shipwrecked on such a shore
as deceit-pretence
dare thrive, in the thick of a gullibility
and ignorance
to which the least discerning among us
offer little or no resistance

Time, though is no lifeline
to the mind-body-spirit seeking ways
to finally escape
the perfidious lie left to gnaw away
at the heart and soul
of one led astray, unable to (ever) confess
for fear of exposing
its pillar of society for hypocrite-fraud,
intentionally so or not

No permanent safety in sight,
despite attempts by family and friends
to make of me more
than an object of curiosity
and suspicion,
left but to reason the how and why
came The Perfidy here,
meant to sail into history with honour, pride,
only to beach on mud flats

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home Sown

http://en.wikipedia.org /wiki/R._N._Taber

“In any moment in time, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

After two years of having to cope with the stresses imposed on us all by the ever=present (but hopefully decreasing) threat of Covid-19 many of us are on a short fuse; frustration, anger, and confusion just three of the triggers to a flame that could see any one of us light the darn fuse any time...

Somehow, we need to bear in mind that where there are negatives, there are invariably positives, even if the latter appear to be in short supply in any Here-a kinder future beckons us all as mind-body-spirit knows only too well as it encourages us to focus.

Focus but a blur? We can do a lot worse than take our cue from Earth Mother, promising any winter of the human heart yet more of the joys of spring... all in good time, rarely just when we need them most, although a promise is a promise, a lifeline in any crisis.

 Oh, and no, this isn’t just a poet imposing the gloss of pretty rhetoric on hard times, but the voce of personal experience. Testing times, indeed, certain darker life forces, but Mind-Body-Spirit can and will overcome them; we but need to focus on and believe in the power of positive thinking to see us through to happier times.

Yes, dear readers, I draw yet again on the old adage ‘Better late than never...”; trite, indeed, it may well sound, but so true...

HOME SOWN

One sunny wintry day,
messaging a not-too-distant coming
of another spring...
we’d take stroll, just you and I,
in leafless woods
where home birds would be singing
in its trees, a hint of buddings here and there
alleviating human despair

A long winter, it had been,
dragging us, protesting loud and clear,
to abyss, after abyss,
free-fall, but a (very) near miss,
leaning on each other,
holding hands, not least to get the better
of any doubts, nurture hopes, treating any fear
with tender loving care...

Apollo, always smiling through
the troubles of world and personal space,
messaging the hope
of kinder days yet, rescuing us
not least from the worst
of ourselves, giving misty-eyed hearts
cause to open wide, let in the world – and focus;
the rest, down to us...

In winter, be sure that any silver linings to be seen
are home sown...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

De Profundis or Mind-Body-Spirit, On the Mend

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Everybody’s journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.” – James Baldwin

May 2010 saw the resignation of David Laws from the coalition government; it was very sad, for him personally and the country. The latter was told that he broke the rules regarding MP’s expenses in order to protect his privacy. Apparently, he had claimed rent for an apartment owned by a man with whom he had been in a relationship since 2001. He had not declared the relationship.

Now, I have suffered from depression all my life and poetry has been literally, a life-saver, as was the case when I came to write a first draft of today’s poem in 1983; I was feeling suicidal at the time.

The title -meaning ‘Out of the Depths’ is taken from a love letter written by Oscar Wilde while serving time in Reading Gaol.

I wasn’t in despair about being gay, having come to terms with that some years earlier, but I was feeling acutely disappointed in myself and my inability to get my life on an even keel. Eventually, I would do just that, and writing this poem helped considerably, but it would take a few more years yet and a troubled ocean to cross... in more ways than one...to Australia. Regular readers will know the tale so I won’t repeat it here. Suffice to say, I managed to rise above the worst and get my life in better shape.

While shopping yesterday, I overheard a group of people discussing how ‘scary’ the pandemic, and how they feel close to despair of life ever returning to the way it used to be before Covid-19 and its variants struck. I suspect thee are many such folks out there, among blog readers too, who feel much the same way. I (know I do, at times.)

My hope is that the poem may yet help you, as it did me, to rise above our fears and rediscover the Poetry of Love, Friendship and Motivation...

Yes, Oscar Wilde was gay, and anyone can find themselves in despair, for whatever reason, any time, any place, anywhere... so, can deny it or dare judge anyone else for being so driven, whatever his or her sexuality?

DE PROFUNDIS or MIND-BODY-SPIRIT, ON THE MEND

I lay floating an ocean of misery,
willing myself to drown,
while dolphins kept me company
and Apollo lingered on

Sharks, they kept a hungry distance,
an albatross winged by,
while waves lent a gentle cadence
to twilight’s lullaby

Went into freefall to the ocean floor,
and would have stayed,
but Apollo demanded of me more,
while the dolphins cried...

I let them have their way, if reluctantly,
screaming out for motivation,
searching the finest Poetry of Mortality
for the Threshold of Reason

No inner voice answered me, although
I strained to hear,
then twilight let a cloud pass through
and I found a poem there

Body of straw in that ocean of misery,
willing myself to drown,
I read an ode to life, love and a history
of peace, after wars hard won

It told, how few things in life come easy,
including death...
Such is the fickle nature of humanity
and ways of Godmother, Earth

I felt a poet’s passion take hold of me,
heard its voice in a seagull’s cry,
swimming me across an ocean of misery
to walk kinder shores, head high

I woke in tears still drenching my pillow,
began (slowly) to recover;
at chinks in the blinds, winks from Apollo,
reassuring me the worst was over

Copyright R.N. Taber, 2010; rev.2022

[Note: The poem’s title means Out of the Depths. An earlier version of the poem itself appears as the Dedication poem (to Oscar Wilde) in my collection, Tracking the Torchbearer, Assembly Books, 2012; it has been only slightly but significantly, revised.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi, folks, from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hi folks,

Yes, it's me again, without a poem I'm afraid, but am working on one, so...soon.

We all know that the pandemic has proven to be a very stressful time for most of us, young and old alike for various reasons. Every death affects  family and friends, while grief is hard enough to deal with at any time, let alone in the middle of a pandemic.. The news about the omicron variant likely to cause fewer deaths and less serious illness is encouraging, but scary nonetheless as it is still too early to be sure just how potent the new variant will prove to be. Hopefully, the scientists will soon have sufficient data to be clearer on the matter. I the meantime, many people are as confused as they are frightened; a recipe if ever there was one for stress

We can but do our best to cope, not only with our own stress, but bear in mind that we are not alone, make allowances where appropriate for family, friends, neighbours, even strangers whose behaviour is clearly disproportionate to whatever we may have said or done to annoy, upset, anger them...whatever. We need to try, also, to keep an eye on anyone who lives alone and may need practical and/or emotional support. I don't mean just the elderly, either, as I suspect there are a good few people of all ages who are feeling anxious this weekend, unwilling to get on the phone to even family or friends and admit they feel as though they are trapped on a sinking ship. (A n excessive metaphor perhaps and the ship isn't going to sink, but I suspect most if not all of you know exactly what I mean.  

I, for one, have had that sinking feeling for some months. So far, so good in so far as I eventually manage to rise above it and talk myself into a more hopeful, positive mindset; never an easy journey whether short or long and even the shorter time it takes can seem l-o-n-g anyway. I have to keep giving myself little pep talks, remind myself that there are plenty of people out there a lot worse off than me, not least the critically ill, rough sleepers and those for whom the current stress, confusion and fear  stress is exacerbating  what were already trying circumstances before anyone had even heard of the Covid-19 coronavirus and its subsequent mutations.

So, what can we do to alleviate stress? Good question, no easy answers. Each of us in our own way, though, can find answers in where we have found them in the past; relax and enjoy favourite music, television, radio programmes... whatever it takes to help us relax. Chatting to family and friends on the phone is always a good idea, especially if  sharing a laugh or a good chuckle; not for nothing do they say that laughter is the best medicine... for most ills, including stress. Favourite, well-worn, familiar paths are always the best; the chances are we we risk being more stressed out than ever if we try something new.  As my mother used to say, "You need to want to take up a challenge because you know it will make you feel good, not because anyone else thinks so...."

Stress is an illness, too few of us are prepared to admit to; it needs treating, sometimes medically, sometimes it can be enough to let mind-body-spirit find its own relief; firstly, though, we need to stop being in denial and get real. Yes, yes, I know... yet again, easier said than done...

When Mind tells us to play safe, we need to listen; when body tells us to relax, we need to listen; when the spirit that knows us only too well, tells us to think positively, considerately and responsibly...yea, we need to listen. Oh, and yes, I do try to 'practice what I preach, but - like all of you - I am only human, so won't always succeed. 😉

I can't say that politicians are my favourite species of person, but I guess they are caught between a rock and a hard place, wanting to do be seen to be doing  their best by the electorate while having to keep the economy on as even a keel as possible, especially given the kind of global crisis in which we all find ourselves tight now. At the same time, it doesn't help when the elite in society - including politicians - give the impression that they believe in one set of rules for the likes of you and me and another for themselves; few things gall mind-body-spirit more than hypocrisy...

Enough of my ramblings. It just remains for me to say thanks again for dropping by, stay safe, keep well, continue to nurture a positive-thinking mindset, remember we are all in the same proverbial boat and we will NOT let it sink us...well, not if mind-body-spirit has anything to say on the matter.

Take care everyone and I'll be back with a poem as soon as I get a glimmer of inspiration...😉

Hugs,

Roger

Mist, Mountains and Motivation

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"Our life is what our thoughts make it." - Marcus Aurelius

I wrote the poem below during my recovery from a nervous breakdown back in the late 1970's and have only slightly revised it.. Until now, reading it has always left me depressed as it recalls a period in my life I would much rather forget. Yesterday evening, though, I found myself in something of a perfect storm; computer crashing, TV failing to respond, a rising panic leaving me unable to quite get my thought processes - already in a mess due to years of hormone therapy for my prostate cancer - into any kind of order.

After a kind friend had helped me send foe, Panic, into retreat over the telephone, I found myself needing to read the poem again. I recalled someone telling me it was "a load of hackneyed crap" at the time, and maybe they were right, but it had done nothing for my fragile morale. Reading it again now, after nearly two years of the world having to live with Covid-19 and now, another rapidly spreading variant, Omicron, it did not leave me feeling depressed at all. On the contrary, it reassured me that, like everyone else, I have the potential to try and rise above the stress that Covid-19 has imposed. 

Along with all of you, I  can but try, succeed or fail, do or die, and may mind-body-spirit see us through this stress, just as it did your truly 40+ years ago. My choice, and I decided to GO for it; already, I could feel my panic retreating, no victory in sight, but the potential for it was there and my depleted energy levels all but restored. I feel the same now, a positive-thinking mindset well and truly kicking in...

I rarely sleep well, but last night I slept better than I had for a long time..

MIST, MOUNTANS AND MOTIVATION

I creep up on you unawares
over periods of time as the going
shifts from gentle slope
to steep hill, until it starts to feel
like there’s a mountain
to climb, its peak shrouded in mist
as if acknowledging
a nagging fear that an enemy is near
if not already here...

At the peak, the scary mist
emanating half-forgotten faces
I can barely place,
whose names long since forgotten
in mists of time, no less
scary for reminding me who I am,
even yet could be,
left wondering why mind-body-spirit
gone eerily quiet...

Tempted, to leap into space
rather than risk descending, ending
all pretence at living,
better to die now – and prove what?
That it has counted for nothing,
this endless searching for something
and getting nowhere fast?
Suddenly, mind-body-spirit finds its voice,
“Do or die, your choice...”

A global challenge, Choice. Do we, nurture
or give up on our past-present-future...?

 Copyright R. N. Taber, 2021

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Two (poems) for the Price of One

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

After two years of learning to live with the Covid-19 pandemic, tempers are beginning to fray for whom some, who were living on The Edge even before the pandemic, pent-up feelings of frustration have sought release in a variety of ways, some violent. While there can be no excuse for violence against another, mental health issues should never be underestimated, especially in such times as we are living in now.

A healthy diet and regular exercise can help to alleviate stress,, of course, but self-help isn't always enough. There is help available for anyone less able to cope with stress, especially when it seems to be coming at them from all sides; we have to recognise the signs, though, and actively seek help; There is no shame whatever in feeling less and less able to cope with stress, whatever its source, but we need to recognise the signs and get help before it manifests itself in such a way or ways that we are likely to live to regret.

My failing to recognise the extent of the stress that living in a closet was making itself felt over a period of some 20 years, resulted in a nervous breakdown in my 30's. I had been too scared to ask for help,  had convinced myself I could cope... and could not have been more wrong. The help and support I received on a road to recovery that took me 4 to years of hard, mental slog to cover and start applying for jobs again... was a lifesaver.

Whether heterosexual or of an LGBT persuasion, we are, each and every one of us, only human and human nature, being as complex a life force as it is, needs a helping hand from time to time and mind-body-spirit needs must reach out and take it. Never easy... but what in life comes easy to any of us? We may think some people have an easy life,  but few of us are ever privy to what goes on behind closed doors...

THE ENEMY WITHIN

Love turned its back on me,
yet would not run away,
but left me nailed to a tree,
(couldn't even pray.)

Pain alone left me free
to fight another day;
Love, my sworn enemy,
nails in a god of clay

Better stay angry than grieve,
avid ties sure to rot,
scars worm on a sleeve,
to prove - what...?

Love, like war and peace,
down to each of us

Copyright R. N. Taber. 2005, 2021

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM

Love hadn't touched me
for many years;
I'd let myself drift freely
on a Sea of Tears

Chanced to find peace
(or did it find me?)
and sought to anchor us
in that same blue sea

Sea of Sadness, no more;
blue, only the sky;
soul once bruised and sore,
bright as a swallow's eye

Ashore at last, for homing in
on your heart's outline

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2021

[Note: Both poems were written in 2004 and first appeared in my collection, A Feeling for the Quickness of Time, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Peace

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

We may or may not face a difficult winter with Covid-19 continuing to spread among our neighbours in the European Union, not to mention the risk of illegal immigrants passing through and crossing the channel from other parts of the world.

Myself and most of my friends here in England think it was madness to relax basic safety precautions such as wearing face masks in busy areas, shops and on public transport, especially when N.I., Scotland and Wales have had the good sense not to do so. I, for one, will continue to do so as I do not share our Prime Minister’s optimistic approach.

Yes, the vaccination program is a huge success and the booster jab will provide greater protection; science appears to confirm that effects of the first two vaccinations are likely to significantly diminish without it.

Meanwhile, I try to keep an image of the first Peace rose of spring in my head and let it inspire me to find and nurture peace of mind, whatever the coming winter may hold for any of us during these trying times.

PEACE

It’s a hybrid rose called Peace
come to carry spring into summer,
letting its petals fall in autumn,
like memories to shield human hearts
from the worst of winter

Coloured yellow, the Peace rose
is for reminds us of good times past;
where love, like a rose, endures,
so Earth Mother nurtures, promising
kinder times just ahead

At any time of year, whenever
we yearn to inhale love’s perfume,
the Peace rose feeds us images
to delight the eye, lifting other senses,
lightening other burdens

Sometimes, loved ones are called
to serve in wars, maybe never return;
if they do, never quite the same
person we knew before, human nature
left to endure to survive

If the awful reality and casualties
of wars across centuries their ghosts
try to warn us, and only fools ignore;
the Politics of Power is such that it cares
little for Peace roses

At such times, we must be strong,
take well-worn paths the heart knows
and loves, for where here’s love
there is always hope for a kinder spring,
and a new Peace rose

Copyright R. N. Taber c2010; rev.2021

[Note: An earlier version of this poem – written in 2009 - appears in my collection On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]

A Lion in Winter

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Overheard: “This pandemic, it seems to have the heart of lion. Let’s hope the vaccines are good hunters!”

Ah, but the human spirit, too, is more than capable of lending the heart of a lion to any of us whenever we need it most; it also has a lion’s skill in avoiding capture. 

A friend who lost his wife to breast cancer a few years ago, commented at her funeral “Of course, I’ll always miss her terribly, but love has the heart of a lion, and that never dies. Hers  is more than enough to see me through the rest of my life... for better, for worse”

A LION IN WINTER 

Find me in a very lonely place,
its corners dark and bare,
struggling to ward off fears
surging through my body,
snapping at my mind for thoughts
tossing me such ideas as not made to last,
leading nowhere - fast 

All things bright and beautiful
out of sight where windows
sparing me no signs of life-light,
the only shadows, my fears,
my only company, the sounds of mice
come to feed on what may yet be left of me
worth saving for... eternity? 

No place else to go but here, fear
stoking all but dead ashes,
mind-body-spirit as keen to bury
all traces of positive-thinking
as needing to break free of a Black Hole
carved out by the likes of regrets and despair
haunting past-present-future 

Suddenly, flickers of light all around,
growing in shape and form,
warning I not let them out of my sight
or risk returning to this prison,
left blaming Fate for such human flaws
as unable to rally lifeforces enough to restore
a lion grown weary of winter 

Slowly, but surely, inner eye (and ear) freed again
to rework the art of being human 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002, rev.2021 

[Note: The original version of this poem appears in my collection The Third Eye, Assembly Books, 2004.]

 

 

 

 

 

Keeping Tabs

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber 

The subject of today’s poem will be no stranger to many if not most people, whoever and wherever they may be in the world...pandemic or no pandemic.

KEEPING TABS 

Adept at finding ways
of taking advantage of humankind,
especially at such times
as may find it weak and least able
to keep from visiting
dark places, struggle though it may
against my resolve to attack
any life forces likely to offer resistance,
sure to be watching its back 

Be sure, I will infiltrate
such defences as no mind-body-spirit
can resist, a foxy cunning
as innate to me as a desire to best
any who would deny me
an opportunity to prove my worth,
take a random soul
to a Black Hole at the edge of its universe,
see it suffer, watch it fall 

I creep up on my targets
with such stealth that none are aware
that I am near, closing in,
posed for the kill, despite the pull
of other life forces
encouraging it to out its devils,
no more clutching at straws,
get the better of me, inspire self-awareness
to rise above its worst fears 

I am Stress, keeping tabs on Man and Beast,
with a view to putting us all to the test

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

 

Hello again Everyone, from London UK

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Hello again from London UK.

A reader, P R writes to say that “I am a strong-minded person, but am struggling with depression even though I have tried to stay upbeat throughout the pandemic. What the hell is happening to me...? I am ashamed to say I feel nervous, even scared much of the time, and it’s not the kind of person I am or want to be..."

Firstly, I am not doctor, so I urge this reader to make an appointment to see their GP and ask his or her advice asap.

Secondly, there are many men, woman and young people in much the same position, having to deal with such feelings as they may well never have encountered before with such intensity.

Never estimate the power of stress over mind-body-spirit; if left to fester, it can be crippling. likely to leave even the strongest and most upbeat among us feeling like putty in the hands of invisible forces bent on doing us harm. It’s called depression, and there is no shame in falling into the various, nasty emotional traps it has set humankind since its earliest beginnings.

Rarely has the modern world seen such devastating effects on its population as Covid-19 and its variants. Parents, whether trying to keep their children distracted from the full force of lockdowns or helping them with schooling and/or preparing for examinations that have taken a whole new shape during the pandemic, many schools and colleges forced to close.

Children and young people have been stressed out, unable to see their friends, deprived through no fault of their own of a social life and all the trimmings that we associate with being young, eager to explore and enjoy all the pleasures they would normally expect to be on offer.

Yes, Covid restrictions are being lifted for most age-groups here in the UK, especially those people who have had both Covid vaccinations, BUT the coronavirus hasn’t gone away and it remains a threat to many if not most of us; there is no room for complacency while cases continue to rise in certain places and communities. Yes, variants are said to be less serious than the original virus, but serious enough to hospitalise a significant number of people, if not to the extent we have seen worldwide at its various speaks.

Societies and communities worldwide have a collective responsibility to do their best to keep the pandemic on the run rather than encourage a repeat performance. Most people agree, yet there are still a significance number who refuse to wear a mask in busy areas or shops, on public transport etc. simply because it is “advisable” but no longer a legal obligation. Yes, some people are exempt from wearing a mask for medical reasons, but there are plenty who - from the start - have refused to wear a mask for no other reason than personal preference. I ask you, how selfish can some people, be?

Wearing a mask might not prevent a person from catching Covid-19, but it can – and still does – help prevent the spread of it.

I am not unsympathetic to reader P R, believe me. I share much the same feelings a lot of the time, but struggle to rise above them as best I can; an anti-depressant helps as does writing poetry; the latter not only distracts me, but sends my thought processes along far better routes than they might otherwise have been persuaded to take.

As I have said before on the blog, anyone for whom any form of creative therapy appeals to mind-body-spirit, especially if they find themselves struggling (for whatever reason) they would be well-advised to give it a go...

That’s all for now, folks and apologies if I seem to be repeating myself a lot these days. I’ll be back with a new poem soon.

Take care and let’s focus on nurturing a positive-thinking mindset... whatever everyday life throws at us, yeah? Yeah!

(Digital) Hugs,

Roger

On Waking Up (or not) to Facts and Fictions

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I will be 76 later this year and was very saddened, only recently, to hear that the grandson of an old school friend had died of a drugs overdose; he was just 23 years-old and had been an addict since his mid-teens. His younger brother had also experimented with drugs, but not to the same extent and a period in rehab saved him from becoming permanently addicted; he even went on to achieve a university degree, and is now happily settled with his partner and a job he loves. 

I guess wanting to be free of any addiction is not enough, it has to be fuelled by a sense of purpose. 

Years ago, I asked a former drug addict what, for him, had been the attraction of drugs. I expected him to say for the thrill of it. Instead, he answered with one word, “Escapism.” I understood the principle only too well, having been an avid reader of fiction since early childhood by way of escaping from certain realities with which, for the life of me, I couldn’t get to grips, including aspects of myself that I didn’t have the experience to understand and made me feel uncomfortable; during my formative years, these included an undiagnosed hearing loss and untreated speech defect. Later, I would have to deal with being gay, a fact from which family and society attitudes in those days compelled me to run away for nearly twenty years. 

A brief stay in Australia in the late 1960’s was a form of escapism. I felt guilty and cowardly until I met an old aboriginal man with whom I shared confidences I had bottled up for years. “There is no shame in running away,” he told me, “Sometimes we need to run away to find out just what it is we’re running away from. Only then can we decide to tackle it head-on or keep running. Waste of a life, running away. It can only ever end in tears... or worse, much worse...” he added thoughtfully. 

Indeed, it can, and I owe that man my life because I was offered drugs only a few days later, by which time I was able to refuse, having made up my mind to clear up the mess I’d made of my life so far, and stop running. A week earlier, I may well have been desperate enough to choose one of the worst forms of escapism, not uncommon among those of us made to feel but ‘losers’ by such circumstances as likely as not to see us fail to rise above its growing pains. 

ON WAKING UP (OR NOT) TO FACTS AND FICTIONS 

Bright and sunny my days
in the park where once I loved to play
among peers of yesteryear,
relieved just to put any worries on hold,
leave reality behind awhile,
relaxed and happy in the company
of friends, left to explore
brave new worlds of such inspired imagination
as lent us a temporary freedom 

Dark clouds threatening rain
would send us running hell for leather
to find any shelter on hand,
still concerned with keeping reality at bay
a growing anxiety taking hold
of a mind-body-spirit, too easily tempted
by mixed growing pains
to explore the potential of other makeshift worlds
by way of latch-key passwords 

The passage of time grown dark
and scary, the only sure relief on hand
at the prick of a needle,
lending me all the thrills of such yesteryears
as would have had me access
a kinder world than ill-met by sunny days
offering a temporary freedom
from stormy weather, mind-body-spirit left to fight
that incorrigible demon, hindsight 

Alone in the park where once I so loved playing,
just another druggie, no happy ending 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

Puzzles. Puzzlers and Half-way Houses

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber 

It is a Bank Holiday weekend and half-term for schools here in the UK and many readers will be making the most of weather forecasts predicting high pressure in charge, so here’s a poem to (hopefully) help clear our heads of any its everyday puzzlers if only long enough to relax and ENJOY it. Indeed, I suspect there are many of us who are having to start learning all over again how to enjoy life altogether now the worst of the coronavirus crisis seems to be at least receding around the world in terms of hospital admissions and deaths.

Now, as regular readers well know, I may have a hearing problem but still manage to earwig conversations while out and about, whether shopping, on a train, in a queue… wherever; many of these provide the genesis for my poems.

The other day, I overheard a couple who were clearly in two minds about the gradual relaxation of pandemic restrictions here in the UK and across the world. “Obviously it’s good news, but who are we to believe and just how safe are we?” one was asking.

The other person was more philosophical. “It’s a bit of a muddle, that’s for sure, but when isn’t life a muddle? We just have to muddle along, make what sense we can of it, enjoy the good bits and try not to let the bad bits grind us down…”

They moved away and I was still deciding whether or not to buy a pizza or make a salad for lunch, but both points of view played on my mind all day; I could relate to either. The latter philosophical argument won the day for me, but the same reservations expressed by the first speaker continue to haunt mind-body-spirit. I suspect there are many worldwide who feel much the same way…

The entire Covid-19 experience has been both a physical and mental strain on all of us, one way or another, and we should not under-estimate the latter. Sadly, mental stress is perceived as a weakness by some people, although it is but part and parcel of human nature. Bottling up our worries, concerns, fears etc. can only do us harm, as I found out the hard way, resulting in a nervous breakdown some 40 years ago; if counselling is not an option for any reason, we can at least confide in someone close, family or friend, who is unlikely to be judgemental.

Simply putting our feelings into words can help us make sense of them and put the brakes on any potential mental decline.

PUZZLES, PUZZLERS & HALFWAY HOUSES 

I struggle daily to make sense
of a world around me that’s relying
more on New Technology
to provide home comforts, answer
questions the human brain
is left struggling to provide, for flaws
the mind-body-sprit combo
would prefer to keep hid from powers-that-be
hell bent on making history 

I do my best to offer reassurance,
bring any home comforts and joys I can
given pecuniary advantages
and disadvantages taking their toll
here, there, everywhere
I care to look, making of me but a book
left half-open, half read,
barely half-understood anxious for knowledge
to keep moving, limit carnage 

I’d have given up on all humanity
long, long ago, but for its innate capacity
for love, inclined to fall short
of its mark now and then, having to start
over again (and again)
but sufficient alternatives in shapes, sizes
and forms to try departing
from conventional ‘norms’ though half the world
likely to blame it on hormones 

Call me Earth Mother, left puzzling over such lives
as configure humanity, split on all sides 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

 

 

Hello again, from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hello again, from London UK

No poem today, but I hope to have one ready for you fairly soon. I don't expect everyone to like every poem, of course, but I feel encouraged that many of you continue to stick with this struggling senior as, like many of you, I struggle with all the changes in everyday life that the coronavirus has imposed. 

A reader asks if I practise what I preach with regard to nurturing a positive mindset. Well, I do my best and manage to do so most of the time, but like all of us, I have good days and bad days.  I can only speak from the perspective of an old codger living alone; different people will have different problem. Partners will have each other to share any difficulties with, but in the kind of circumstances imposed on us by the coronavirus, tempers may well fray. Families will have encountered a different spectrum of problems altogether, especially those with young children. For many if not most  older children and young people, not being able to mix with friends and peers will have been a waking nightmare.

Now, living alone and growing old ain't easy at the best of times. Everything takes so much longer and I get tired so much more easily. Everyday tasks - like stripping a bed and turning a mattress - are a challenge; it takes me ages to replace a duvet cover now too.😊

I coped well with the first lockdown here in the UK, but the latter stages of the second were a nightmare. I often felt lonely, and scared too, a though the latter has more to do with the hormone therapy for my prostate cancer as it can have that effect on some people sometimes. An ear infection and mobility problems haven't helped. So, how do I cope with it all...? Well, better some days than others, that's for sure.😉 

I try to keep reminding myself that there are so many people in the world so much worse off than myself, some of whom I know personally. I tell myself that if they can cope, so can I. Writing up the blogs and posting poems when I can has been a godsend; it distracts me not only from my own problems, but the whole coronavirus scenario. I think everyone needs to find ways of distracting themselves from any personal problems anyway  (coronavirus or no coronavirus) whether it's pursuing a hobby or just watching a favourite video/ TV programme. Me, I avoid News programmes apart from catching up with the headlines. While I am interested and concerned about what else  is going on in the mad, mad world of ours...there is just so much a person can take when so much of it is so depressing.

Now, although lockdown restrictions are being lifted here in the UK, we still have to deal with the threat of a so-called Indian variant, already prevalent in parts. Yet again, all we can do is take care, and (yes!) nurture a positive thinking mindset. We won't always succeed, but just trying can make all the difference.

As I have said on past blogs, I honestly think a healthy diet is a huge help when it comes to dealing with stress.

At the end of the day, of course, we are all different and needs must find our own way through our own waking nightmares. As my mother used to say, though, we should never be afraid to ask for help, never think anyone will think the worse of us for doing so. Each of us, in our own way is, vulnerable; if counselling is not an option and there is no close friend on hand or at the end of a telephone, call The Samaritans. Even simply talking (or writing) about our worst fears can give us an entirely new perspective on them. If I had confided my problems with being a gay man so someone years earlier, I may well have avoided a nasty nervous breakdown in early 30's.

What else can I say for now but... good luck everyone, and bear in mind that most of the time it's down to each and every one of us to make our own luck... or not, as the case may be.

Take care, everyone, and many thanks for dropping by.

Hugs,

Roger

PS In the course of transferring about 1000 poems to a memory stick (so far unpublished except on the blogs) I have significantly revised more earlier poems that you will find in the blog archives. Do feel free to browse now and then, and I hope any revisions (including some titles) will meet with your approval...but won't be offended if they don't. 😉

Hello from London UK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hi Everyone

Sorry, no poem today, but I am working on one so... hopefully, by Monday.

Hope you are coping as well as any of us can in the middle of a pandemic. Me, I do try to keep looking on the bright(er) side of life, and manage to do just that most of the time, but - like everyone else - I have good days and bad days. On a good day, I can usually complete a poem to publish here, and that always lifts my mind-body-spirit.

A new reader appears to have taken offence by my suggesting that religion has no monopoly on spirituality. No matter, we will just have to agree to differ.  The same reader also disputes that I can have a sense of spirituality without believing in God as according to any religious agenda. Again, each to their own, surely? 

As I have said before on the blogs, also at my poetry reading on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square, back in 2009 (my contribution to Antony Gormley's "One and Other" project that ran for 100 days) , I see myself as a pantheist; I still do in so far as I see God as nature, not its creator. The reader clearly sees this as blasphemy, but I could never get my head around the idea of a personified God, even as a child; when I discovered pantheism, I could relate to it instantly. Besides, religious bigotry is not uncommon and - not least as a gay man - I find bigotry in any shape or form as distasteful as it is indefensible.]

No one has to embrace the religious beliefs of others to respect them, and I do, whatever reservations I might have, so how about this reader’s respecting mine…?

Another reader asks how I am coping with various medical issues, not last the prostate cancer with which I have been living since 2011. Again, good days and bad days, and the same with others problems.  Stress has a nasty habit of making us feel worse regarding just about anything likely to prey on the mind, even at the best of times; I dare say I am as prone to coronavirus stress ( hovering at about 80 on a sliding scale of 1 to 100) as anyone else! All we can do is take each day as it comes, for better or worse, and keep telling ourselves that life can only get better. Never easy, but do we have a choice?

Yet another reader is unhappy about my poems and preambles that suggest that my regular reference to ghosts as the personification of a posthumous consciousness indicates “an insultingly casual approach” to the death of loved-ones. Believe me, there is nothing ‘casual’ about it; it is a subject dear to my heart. I am 75 years-old, and those I have loved, as friends or more, are with me always, so great has been the impression they have made on me; impressions and precious memories that have helped me through good times and bad as well as exposing my flaws and showing me - not least by shining example - how to recognise and (hopefully) overcome them as needs must in the course of a lifetime.

Few if any of us are perfect. Others are as likely to take issue with what we consider out strengths as with any flaws or weaknesses, seeing them in a different light altogether. (How we come across to others is never easy to work out unless they tell us, and then it can sometimes come as a shock to mind-body-spirit. At the end of the day, though, I suspect it is how we see ourselves and what, if anything, we choose to do about it that counts, certainly in so far as managing self-confidence, self-consciousness or that old standby conscience is concerned.

Many thanks for dropping by, folks, always much appreciated,

Take care, be safe, and let's all try to nurture a positive mindset, whatever... 

Hugs,

Roger

PS New readers might like to take a look at poems in the blog archives now and then; they can be accessed on the right hand side of any blog post.

[Note: This post also appears on my gay-interest poetry blog today.]