Hello, Here-and-Now

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A gay-friendly reader writes that "My young brother-in-law is gay, but too ashamed to tell anyone except my wife, his sister. He is 17, a great lad, and  we don't know what to do or say. Any ideas?" I can't advise, but hopefully the poems speaks for itself, not least because it is more than a little autobiographical.  I have only been openly gay since my late 30's, and am in my 70's now. I grew up at a time when gay relationships were a criminal offence here in the UK, and even after the law was changed in the late 1960's, bigots continued to have a field day for years, many still do. (Yes, even here, in the so-called 'liberal minded' West.)

Confronting home truths is never easy, but it is a crucial first step; self-awareness is not enough. We have to start believing in ourselves or how can we ask anyone else to believe in us? No one chooses to be gay, we are but as nature intended; the chances are we inherit genes related to family members from other generations. Whatever, it is an integral part of a person's identity, nothing to be ashamed of although misleading stereotypes circulating and expanded upon for centuries are as often taken to be true; there is nothing new about fake news. Social media has a lot to answer for too; an open invitation to bigots and bullies  especially where sexual identity issues are concerned.  As I have asked time and again  since I began writing up the blogs ten years ago - what's wrong with agreeing to differ? Various socio-cultural-religious communities don't help with agendas for peace and love which pass for dogma, but are invariably critical of anyone who dares diversify from so-called 'norms'.

In recent years I began to think LGBT communities were winning hearts and minds, and there are more gay-friendly people about than ignorant bigots although, tragically, we gays remain no strangers to hate crime worldwide.

Yes, it can be tough, being gay, but it is a tough world out there and we are (all) up against a human nature as complex as it is fickle. 

My suggestion to this young man would be to search the Internet for any LGBT groups that he can easily access, and join one; another is never, but never assume a straight person is the enemy. My gay-friendly reader is by no means alone in taking people as he finds them without judging them, least of all for their sexuality; sexual identity may be an integral part of who we are, but there is far more to all of us than that.

Yes, I know I have said all this before, but as my mother used to say, if something is worth saying, it is always worth repeating.

"HELLO" HERE-AND-NOW

Yesterday,

much the same, fears,

since early hours,

dreading a new dawn

(yet again)

wishing the day gone before it puts me

out for garbage

Yesterday,

all but wishing myself dead

(but not quite)

desperate for reasons

to carry on,

finding none to fan even a single flame

of inspiration

Today

I can’t make it through;

everything

I say, everything I do

coming out wrong

I just want to run away, hide somewhere;

oh, But where?

Today

I feel exposed to passers-by

staring at me,

even glaring at me,

as if suspecting

I am sick at heart, and all but falling apart

within and without

Today

a stranger smiled at me,

said “Hello”

before a growing crowd

ate him up

but his smile, kept company with me all day,

saved me from free fall

Tomorrow

I will look out for any smiles,

ignore glares,

might even dare a “Hello”

here and there,

give positive feedback the chance it deserves

to help mend frayed nerves

Tomorrow

I, too, will test a friendly grin

on a world

where hate crime on the rise,

(no surprises there)

and seek out others just like me, still growing into

life, love - and sexuality

Tonight,

I find myself looking at M-E

on a rack

not of my own choosing,

blaming society,

time to take responsibility for myself, and get a life,

start thinking positively

Tonight,

a Coming of Age for a latecomer

to self-esteem;

time to challenge my dreams,

get real somehow,

hopefully take a lover (two of a kind) endgame, peace

of mind

Copyright R. N. Taber 2020

[Note: This poet/poems also appears on my gay-interest blog today for obvious reasons. Feedback, though, suggests that many closet gay readers  - especially those using shared computers - are afraid to access it.]