A Small World

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is really won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” – Barbara Gittings

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin

“Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it’s a good place to start.” – Jason Collins

Hi folks, although feedback suggests that some readers feel a gay-interest poem has no place on this blog, I cannot, in all conscience, go along with that point of view, although, yes, I do understand it. Even so, we are who we are and being gay has always been a part of who I am, at heart, as reflected in many of my poems.

My prostate cancer leaves me with little energy some days, so much so that I am unable even to look on the bright(er) side of life, impossible were I to start to feel guilty about my sexuality; as far as my poetry is concerned, it is all but irrelevant anyway. 

While I always rally the more positive life forces to my rescue in time, how long it takes them to arrive depends on how soon various other health issues settle down.😉

The poem is based on a fairly recent conversation with a complete stranger with whom I got chatting on a bus while stuck in a traffic jam. It struck a chord with me since, as I have mentioned before on the blog, I once had a schoolboy crush on a prefect at the same school, but was too scared in those days to emerge from my life-sucking closet. It would be half a century later that he’d get in touch after reading this blog and reveal that, even at the time, he, too, was gay. 

Sadly, that was way back in the (very) homophobic 1950’s and he never ventured from the closet they shoved him into, slamming the door after him with the kind of contempt that ignorance continues to breed even in what we would expect to be a more enlightened 21st century.

A SMALL WORLD

It was broad daylight, a watery sun
shedding auras on a local park,
as if determined to resist dark clouds
closing in even as I walked,
eyes wide open, as mind-body-spirit
fought its daily battle,
albeit seemingly poorly armed,
struggling to fend off darker clouds of its own
than in any heaven

I spotted a neighbour I knew, but not well,
reading a book on a nearby seat,
paused, just to say hello, to be greeted
with a smile inviting me
to linger, if only to pass the time of day,
so I did, compelled
by an increasingly darkening mood
to lighten up, conversation invariably a good start
for any human heart

We made small talk, both of us struggling
for something to say besides
wishing potential storm clouds away, sky
taking sides with a sun,
trying to make life a sight better 
for everyone, open invitation
to look on the brighter side of life,
make it more than worth the living, no matter what,
go with mind-body-spirit

Without thinking, I said, “I’m gay, you know."
“No, I didn’t." he said absently,
without turning a hair, surprise registering
in face and voice, that’s all,
no indication his heart-and soul (or mine)
thought any worse of me for it,
but leading him to gently ask questions,
less curious than  interested, no hint of any prejudice
likely to come between us 

Even so, I waited, curious to see just how long
it would take for a storm to break,
relieved to relate how I’d been afraid to say
the words, I’d just dared say,
scarcely believing it hadn’t been as hard
as nightmares had foretold,
my mood shifting for the better, clouds too,
clearing to give the sun a kinder view of the world below,
such as lets its flowers grow

Later, as we parted after agreeing to meet again,
I found the words to thank him
For not minding I’m gay in a world where one
Meets prejudice as often as not,
Mind-body-spirit wary of putting heart-and-soul
In any potential danger,
World politics and religions sowing seeds
of doubt in a vulnerable human nature at every opportunity
to address a ‘common humanity’

“Sorry!”, he laughed, “but I honestly thought you knew,
my brother went to school with you, and he’s gay too…”

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

[Note: This poem has already appeared on my gay-interest blog. I hesitated to post it here, but feel encouraged by email feedback from. 'Anon' to do so... Stay safe, folks, and keep well.] RT