The Heart is a Free Country

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A parent being interviewed on on TV recently, protesting about LGBT issues being on the school curriculum, made the point that being sexuality is a lifestyle choice. How ignorant some people can be, I ask you! Sadly this parent is not alone in thinking that. LGBT is not a human choice but a human condition; not an illness, but part of what makes us human beings who we are, the differences that help shape our character, personality and whole lives. Why can't some people see that? 

Fortunately, all of us are blessed with that toughest of all cookies, a human spirit, able to help us find our way in life, and where necessary, rise above its worst... if we choose let it rather than surrender to certain dogma and conventions that prefer to go walkies with dinosaurs; in that sense, yes, we do have a choice.

I have no regrets about being gay. My deepest regret is that so many other people are blind to its not being a life choice. It was this that kept me in a dark, lonely closet from the age of 14 to my mid-30's and eventually resulted in a nervous breakdown from which it took me some years to recover.. I would not wish the likes of that closet to my worst enemy, and the only way to get this across to the least gay-friendly heterosexuals is through education...is it not?  

Parents will have their views and are entitled to share these with their children; share, not dictate. Children deserve an opportunity to learn about the kind of life into which they are growing, and be free to make up their own minds. If enlightenment is the key to a kinder, better world. education has to be the key to any such enlightenment. Education has never been about imposing points of view on children, but giving them an opportunity to ask questions, discuss, argue, whatever... in an impartial environment.  (This is my problem with Faith Schools, not the Faith, but the lack of impartiality.) It is a rare parent, indeed, who is impartial about what they tell/teach their children.

It is not only gay lovers who write to me about estrangement from families caused by their choice of life partners. More often than not, families come round, but it can take time and it’s tragic if true to say that more often than not, they don’t. Mind you, just the likes of yours truly invariably need time to adjust to the realisation we are gay, so too do family and friends; many a division has been caused by knee jerk reactions.

I dare say gay relationships will always remain incomprehensible to the extent of being unthinkable to the less enlightened among the heterosexual majority. Even so, we should never underestimate the power of the human spirit, especially where love and friendship are concerned, or its predilection for good over bad. 

Bigotry, prejudice, entrenchment in some socio-cultural-religious time warp…a way round these issues is never easy for those who cannot see and will not hear the voices of sense and sensibility. They may well need time, some more time than others, to ask what love means and discover that there may be no easy solutions, but only one answer.  On this very subject, a favourite DVD that I always recommend to gay men and their parents is a wonderful French movie called Juste Une Question D’Amour.

Once they can answer honestly, hopefully they will start considering a positive course of action even if it would not have been their preferred choice. Whatever, once they choose love, they are likely to discover that even the toughest road ahead is well worth the trip.

As for the world’s star-crossed lovers, along with the more enlightened among us, they have only one choice, let love or let die.

This poem was inspired by an e-mail from a gay couple who parents have finally accepted their relationship after an estrangement of some years.

THE HEART IS A FREE COUNTRY

In tears, we agreed to part,

not ready yet to hold our heads high

and remind the world

it’s all for one and one for all,

let love or let die

Parting was worse than death

my lonely bed each night a fresh grave

left open to the sky

for night owls and wishing stars

to grieve

One watery dawn, I heard birds

sing ballads about life beyond the pale

of closed minds

whose worst betrayal has to be

the unthinkable

I listened to songs of gay lovers

and others transcending cultural divides

to reassert the integrity

of life, love, hope, humanity - and

more besides

Above all, they were songs of joy

the birds were singing, so why on earth

should I take its life

before even making time to do justice

to its birth?

I called him on the mobile

and said we could not go on living this lie

but needed to get real

about our feelings for each other, a case

of let love or let die

We chose love, trusting family

and friends may reach the same conclusion,

that love is love

and gay love may be different, but different

is but human

  

Copyright R. N. Taber 2013

[Note: This poem first appeared on my gay-interest blog in March 2013; the original post can be found in its archives for that month as listed on the right hand side of any blog page.]