The Comedian

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This entry is from my gay-interest log for January 2013.

I wrote today’s poem especially for a young man who once called me anonymously at 11.00pm. I didn’t finish the poem until nearly 3.00 am by which time I was feeling very tired as well as increasingly anxious on his behalf … so don’t expect a gem. [LOL]

Many of us can probably relate to a secret life, not always having been openly gay.

Maybe some readers still find themselves all but suffocating in some awful closet. Tragically, it remains almost par for the course for gay men and women in some countries where certain socio-cultural-religious bigots continue to have the upper hand. We can but keep them in our thoughts, offering support as and when we can. You never know. Certain world/community leaders may yet see the error of their bigotry sooner rather than later so gay people can get on with their lives openly and in peace.  

This poem, like many others I have written, has its roots in my own life but just how and where is for me to know and you to speculate. I write simply and am often accused of being simplistic although I refute the latter criticism. Whatever, do I care? If just one reader reads and enjoys a poem of mine, it will have been worth the writing; should he or she find food for thought there, so much the better.

THE COMEDIAN

But a square peg in a round hole,

my schooldays were a sham;

I’d mess around and play the fool

because I couldn’t quite get to grips

with who I am

I had a working class education,

didn’t ever dare aim high,

couldn’t see the point of ambition,

so I’d mess around and play the fool,

live a lie

I had a real problem with identity,

couldn’t bear anyone to know

it was an awakening homosexuality

saw me mess around and play the fool,

put on a show

I’d enjoy sex in sly, secret places

even fancy guys in the street,

sickened by revulsion in their faces,

although never one sure, all-seeing eye

would I dare meet

There came a time as I grew older,

I wearied of playing the ham,

resolved to get real and be bolder

about letting on to this sorry old world

exactly who I am

I came out to just about everyone,

and it was scary, but, oh, so cool

to be free at last of secrets, have fun,

neither afraid nor ashamed of who I am,

no need to play the fool

Where once I barely had a life at all,

my early years but a sham,

if now I sometimes play the fool,

it’s because I’m relaxed, happy, content

to be who I am

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; slightly rev. 2021