A Life in the Day of a Smile

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Pain pays the income of each precious thing.” - William Shakespeare

¨What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable. ¨- Joseph Addison

“A warm smile id the universal language of kindness2. – William Arthur Ward

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – E. E. Cummings

"Peace begins with a smile."- Mother Teresa

Now, on the face of it, there’s not much to smile about at the moment, with soaring living and food costs and staffing problems in just about every corner of society having a knock-on effect in all kinds of ways. 

Even so, better to grit our teeth and raise a smile, surely, that waste precious time and energy crying over spilt milk? Never easy, as I have said many times on the blog, but Hobson’s choice in so far as we sink or we swim. 

Besides, managing a smile, even a laugh in the face of adversity, never fails to give mind-body-spirit a boost, makes us feel better and more confident about the future… even when the immediate outlook is not good, to say the least.

Oh, and yes, mine is the voice of experience, and how…! wry bardic grin.

A LIFE IN THE DAY OF A SMILE

Weary of battling hard times,
tempted to wave a white flag at them,
let them treat me as they will;
invariably, I find a way to counter-attack,
body-mind-spirit refusing to cave in
to such vagaries of fate as would see me
crushed by the weight of my own
shortcomings; rather, I choose peace of a kind
that foxes all humankind

Circumstances, eager to see me
on my knees, not least various health
issues and matters pecuniary
that would send all mind-body-spirit
into freefall, kith and kin
on tenterhooks, my end in their eyes
clearer and closer each day,
throwing down a gauntlet to all heart-and soul
to resist and rise above it all

Lips set in cheery curve, eyes on cue,
the taste of love and hope on the tongue
sweeter than I have ever known,
I embrace all that’s beautiful in the world,
as good a prop as any
to light up its past-present-future and have it
find peace; though the way ahead
take its toll on me, let any tears provide rainbows
promising kinder tomorrows

No matter what, needs must we go that last mile,
nurture the nature of a smile

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Subject to Circumstances...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber 

Here in England, we will hear from Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, later today whether or not all remaining safety restrictions due to the coronavirus outbreak will be lifted on June 21^st. 

Sadly, he is expected to announce a further delay, given the spread of the Delta variant and growing number of infections. 

Yet again, many personal and business plans will need to be put on hold. We can but hope businesses will survive and personal hopes are not entirely dashed. 

Many people, at the end of their tether after more then a year of Covid tensions adversely affecting their everyday lives will be tearful when the expected announcement comes. Yet again, it is down to human nature’s innate powers of endurance to press on regardless, still looking at the brighter side of life... albeit through a misty landscape. 

SUBJECT TO CIRCUMSTANCES... 

We shed and partly shed
the tears of a world left giving
and partly giving - while
(mostly) hell bent on taking more
than its fair share or what's said to be
on offer 

We bleed and partly bleed
for the ills of a world left fighting
and partly fighting - for justice,
peace and love on which it thrives
or partly thrives, duly obliged to keep up
appearances 

We resist and partly resist
all prejudice, hate crime, stereotypes
on which societies - turn
or partly turn, if only for running
this or that everyday gamut of its wishing
and hoping 

We dream and partly dream
of a world where kindness has the edge
on its nemeses - humanity’s
innate sense of right and wrong
putting it to the test, by having us jumping
through hoops 

We believe and partly believe
that mind-body-spirit will see us through,
for better, for worse - richer
or poorer, keep us safe or partly safe
wherever inner eyes focus on the better part
of human vision 

We are the rains that fall to feed
and partly feed a natural world on which
humanity, in turn - feeds
and partly feeds, reasoning its needs,
makes such excuses as keep it any which way
but (quite) loose 

Winds, blowing or partly blowing
such seeds of change as past times so love
to tell, retell - reworking
lives and part-lives, keep us on our toes
just long enough to have capital gains saving
and partly saving faces 

Such is the power of circumstances
letting us live and partly live, ever listening 
and partly listening - heartbeats
that would now have us running straight
and narrow, now only partly so for You-Me-Us
thinking we are in control

Copyright R.N. Taber 2021

 

 

 

 

Nature and Human Nature Revisited

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

How well I still recall the old childhood cry, “Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...” It was a lie I actually believed until I stood on the threshold of my youth as a gay person; I was 14 years-old and it was 1959, not a good time to be of an LGBT persuasion.

There were so many words, insults, faux stereotypical images behind every one of them; queer, faggot, cock-sucker among the least offensive, likely to be thrown at anyone even suspected of being “not normal” or as morally prescribed by the majority heterosexual point of view.

Yes, I know things have changed, but not for everyone and not everywhere. Whenever I recall barely scraping by as a real person, too scared to come of the damn closet until my early 30’s, I feel ashamed of myself and angry that some 40+ years on, there are men and women continuing to suffer much as I did, courtesy of various socio-cultural-religious agendas for bigotry worldwide.

Homophobia, sexism, racism... these could have been minimalised, if not eradicated altogether, had Education but done its job properly in its various academic settings rather than being made to feel it had to ‘play safe’’ by choosing to confine itself to academic life-forces rather than those at the heart of human nature that have made the world go round for centuries. Some may well argue that it is up to parents, not teachers, and they would be right, only how many parents really talk to their children (at any age) about the wider ‘moral’ spectrum beyond what they have chosen for themselves? If pressed, they will invariably say it’s a teacher’s responsibility, but as soon as a teacher attempts to help a class cross academic lines into real-life issues, its usually parents who are the first to express such outrage as likely as not  to be ‘legitimised’ by a social media that appears to prefer fake news and local gossip to anything approaching the facts of a matter, Consequently, offence is often taken where no offence meant other than to give us what we can expect to find outside the school gates... if we haven’t already experienced much of it for ourselves already...

Thank goodness for a level of maturity among many if not most young people these days, teaching them to recognize and differentiate between such fake news, home truths and stereotypes as academia rarely has an opportunity to home in on; where it does, it needs must walk on ‘eggshells’ - for which, read metaphor and simile least likely to cause offence.

Unfortunately, even the most well-intentioned statutes, such as those embracing Human Rights and Equal Opportunities are fair game for anyone whose power of persuasion (or power alone) is such that we may too easily be led (or misled) by their interpreting words to their own advantage, for negative as well as positive reasons. Whatever, the chances are that various media sources - with their own agendas - will provide them with a global audience...

NATURE AND HUMAN NATURE REVISITED 

Sun, beating down on a Covid-stricken Earth,
humanity encouraged yet again by the glorious rebirth
of nature as seasons come into their own,
seeds sown long ago start to flower, bear fruit, whatever
expected of their species, so human nature, too,
continues to rework stories of love and peace, such joys
of life that help compensate for its darker aspects,
wars and (local) hate crime ever among its chief suspects
besides drugs and people smugglers 

Apollo glaring down on a panic-stricken Earth
as if bringing kinder weather might even yet encourage
its communities to get their acts together,
cease making out that God’s in His heaven and all’s right
with a world so bent on making assumptions
that everyone’s okay with  progress keeping Business
in the loop, while having some folks jumping
through more Hoops of Change, only to find mind-body-spirit
as willing as ever, but less and less able 

Past-present-future starting to fall like fake news
on human ears ever wrestling with such sounds and effects
as now raising hopes, now free-falling us
into a sea of despair, waves crashing, that sinking feeling
almost welcome... but... mind-body-spirit
not finished with us yet, urging us to panic not, but swim
ashore, grab the reins of life once more, steer it
while reasoning the need, paying less heed to certain ‘betters’
whose words but axes grinding us down 

Rain, beating down on a Covid-stricken Earth, lending us time
and (personal) space to rise above its worst 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

 

 

 

 

Cornered OR Nil Desperandum

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber 

Asked how he was feeling at the height of the coronavirus pandemic, a neighbour replied that he felt “Cornered. I never know from day to day how that day will pan out and whether or not I will get through it in one piece, either physically or mentally, but...” he added with a shrug, “I can’t stop the damn virus, can I?  I just have to get press on and make the best of a bad job along with everyone else... I mean to say, let it beat you and, well, you’re done for, aren’t you?”

Did anyone ever speak truer words...? 

“Nil desperandum, - Never Despair. That is a motto for you and me. All are not dead; and where there is a spark of patriotic fire, we will rekindle it.” - Samuel Adams

CORNERED or NIL DESPERANDUM

The road is long, and crowded with faces
in queues at bus stops, fashion stores,
train stations, even for Covid vaccinations,
anything to give mind-body-spirit a lift
to such far-away places as we see in eyes
reflecting daydreams, general hubbub
given the old heave-ho just long enough to let
mind-body-spirit grab some peace 

The road is long, like a tale we’re making up
as we go along, no end in sight to make it
worth the effort, uphill, down dale, on frantic
city streets, lonely suburbs, leafy turnings, 
sneering passers-by enough to panic hearts
left vulnerable by years of fake news rejecting
accusations of intending more harm than good in
as many real as digital communities 

Yes, the road has been long, and I'm left asking
myself, whether I feel motivated enough
to continue my journey from here, where I stand
at the heart of No-Man’s Land or trust my feet
to find a suitable escape route, but what chance
of success where mind-body-spirit has tried
and failed to achieve anything along such lines a
heroic men and women in our fictions? 

Time, perhaps, to consider the role models we
choose, we wannabe heroes, as we pursue
the humdrum and hubbub of everyday life all art
forms seek to encourage us to acknowledge
for fantasy and draw us in while it may, if only
during the kinder seconds-minutes-hours
of days that would leave us feeling all but defeated
humiliated, possibly broken-hearted? 

Ah, but artists, too, have role models into whom 
they breathe life, would give the Kiss of Life to any
relating more closely to near-death scenes than
any celebration of life, for all its pitfalls, resolving
to let peace, love, joy have stronger voices when
having to make choices affecting loved -ones
no less than ourselves, give humanity an opportunity
to get the better of its egocentricity

Come Here-and-Now’s demanding we let it pass us by,
time, perhaps, to be asking “Why...?

 Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winterworld OR In Anticipation of Spring

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I have often commented on the blogs how love takes on all shapes and appearances; love of family, friends, places, whatever aspects of nature and human nature that can be relied on to bring out the best in us, distance us from anything less. 

A reader writes that “Such positive thinking is all very well, but “… it’s only a theory, so typical of a poet. How, in practice, can it see we ordinary human beings through the likes of a pandemic or such intense personal crises as any of us are likely to experience at any time in our lives?” 

Well, the short answer is that there isn’t one, only as many to choose from as there are aspects of human nature. 

Regular readers will know that, some 40+ years ago, I attempted suicide, so great was the crisis I needed to confront that I felt I couldn’t even make a start, and what was the point?

The point was, of course, that we all need to confront our fears; running away (as regular readers will know I have often done) solves nothing. Somehow, that same ‘theory, so typical of a poet’ found a way through my unconscious self, and I awoke long enough to seek medical help. 

The next four years were a waking nightmare, but such support as I hadn’t expected from certain work colleagues, friends and various professionals saw me through it all. Finally, I found myself taking up the threads of everyday life again, starting a new job, and waking up each morning without mind-body-spirit feeling all but overwhelmed. 

I had a garden in those days. Birdsong, through such summers as were almost as bad any winter, helped me in ways I had no way of understanding until, some years later, I began writing poetry again, something that had seen me through such childhood crises as haunt me still, not least for my never having understood those either. 

While I suspect few if any of us ever (quite) understand ourselves, I like to think I have at least learned (better late than never) that we human beings can do a lot worse in life than take our cue from all the natural world has to offer, not least by way of making the best of and surviving even the worst of its wintry elements.

Many thanks for dropping by the blog, folks, always much appreciated,

Hugs,

Roger 

WINTERWORLD or IN ANTICIPATION OF SPRING 

I spied a starling
flying low, seemingly heading
for a tearful tree,,
the name of which species
escaping me,
the archives of my memory
all but running
on empty, so intense the toll on me
of everyday anxiety 

Barely skimming
the tree’s uppermost branches,
starling appeared
to have a last-minute change
of mind, taking off
in another direction altogether,
as if sensing
little (if any) welcome to be had there,
no rising above despair 

I spied a redbreast,
wings a-flutter in the bitter wind
like a flag of hope
among snow clouds spreading
mixed emotions
among various generations below
for anticipating
multifarious joys as snowfalls may bring,
or yet more suffering 

Alighting on a branch
of so woebegone a tree as appears
struggling so
to stay alive in the total absence
of any pointers
to spring, robin raises a weary head
and starts to sing,
its sweet voice drying Earth Mother’s tears
as it has for centuries 

Imagination or celebration,
tree taking its cue for a new lease
of life, as well might
its listeners all, we creatures great
and small,
for cock robin’s messaging wintry worlds
that the nature
of love demands no words or romantic setting
for the joy of its giving

 Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Friend for Life

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

We are still in lockdown here in England while Government decides how best to approach Christmas this year. I am personally of the view that any relaxation of safety regulations, will prove to be a mistake. 

Those of us who live alone, as much if not more so than most, acknowledge and empathise with the call to allow more people to meet up, but see it as asking for trouble and likely to result in an increase in coronavirus cases and deaths, especially given the way some people continue to flout safety regulations. 

Other religious festivals have come and gone with no special treatment so why should Christmas prove any different, just for one year, for safety’s sake? After all, Christians believe that Christ said ““All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” – and no one wants to catch Covid-19. 

Many businesses, of course, rely on the run-up to Christmas to show a profit or risk going under so it would make sense to make some allowances for this, although, yet again, customers will need to respect safety regulations regarding social distancing and wearing face masks correctly.

 Meanwhile … 

A friend who also lives alone recently confessed that he sometimes talks to the furniture for want of anyone to engage in meaningful conversation. I told him not to worry, I have been doing that for years. 

It can often help to try and put our frustrations into words. Rather than whinge to someone else, at least the furniture is guaranteed to be a good listener; it becomes less of a monologue than a debate between our conscious and subconscious selves, often resulting in our seeing our way more clearly than simply trying to think things through. I suspect being literally lost in thought is not an unfamiliar condition to many if not most of us.

Today's poem is a kenning.

A FRIEND FOR LIFE 

I have lived with all human moods,
try to go along with them as best I can,
humour folks when angry,
let them vent the worst of verbal spite
on me, the world, whatever 
it takes to calm one down, make one see
how life, it has its ups and downs,
as if by way of teaching us, ourselves, to know,
stay alert to the pull of undertow 

Good times, bad times, happy times,
and sad times, we have shared them all,
gradually establishing a philosophy
of sorts along the lines of no use crying
over what’s said and done,
needs must choose to play deaf and dumb
or come with cap in hand
to make reparation, encourage reconciliation
or learn to manage our frustration 

Good companions for many a year,
we watch TV together, listen to the radio,
relax with our favourite music
keep in touch with friends and wider world
on laptop, tablet or mobile,
no coronavirus likely to come between us
until death us do part,
mind-body-spirit striving to keep mortality at bay,
positive thinking, Order of the Day 

It’s one and all for whom my kind is always there,
assuming the persona of a comfy armchair 

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2020

 

Lockdown OR Mind-Body-Spirit, left Licking its Wounds

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Overheard in a supermarket only yesterday:

1^st Man: I feel as if I’ve been waiting in this queue for ages.

2^nd Man: Yes, it’s like waiting for the coronavirus to go away.

Old Lady: Ah, but all good things are worth waiting for,. All it takes is patience, as anyone in love will tell you.

1^st Man: Easier said than done.

2^nd Man: That’s right.

Old Lady: No, dear, that’s life.

LOCKDOWN or MIND-BODY-SPIRIT LEFT LICKING ITS WOUNDS

Feeling as downcast as heavy cloud
in a sky where sunshine might never have shone
for all the light it spreads,
left wondering why bother to get up each morning
when doom and gloom
order of the day, radio and tv trying to paste over
the cracks in everyday life,
distracting any audiences with but minimal success
from the Covid-19 coronavirus

Selective DVDs, Talking Books
and movies with which even an audience of one can
engage and be distracted
from wondering if and when lockdown restrictions
will ease sufficiently
to let family and friends meet as often as they need
without having to fret
about people obsessed with wild conspiracy theories
and refusing to cover their faces

Suddenly, a hole in the clouds appears,
enough to expose a patch of blue, enough to encourage
a weary sun to shine through,
restore a glimmer of light in the eyes of passers-by
sufficient to raise a smile,
encourage cheerful chat, masks and social distancing
notwithstanding…
half-forgotten sounds of laughter, if muffled by necessity,
lightening the load on humanity 

Cloud, closing in on Old Man Sun again all too quickly;
Sun, winking as if to say, “Back soon, you’ll see …”

 Copyright R. N. Taber, 2020

Homing in on (Positive) Thoughts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Being at home a lot, even working from home, especially if you live alone, can put a strain on even the most stoic among us. Social interaction, to a greater or lesser extent, is part and parcel of human nature; imposing restrictions, in any shape or form, is bound to cause some frustration and distress. “It’s all very well for the Government to tell us all to stay at home more,” a neighbour commented angrily, “… but if you are elderly and live alone, what can you do but watch TV, and that’s mostly doom and gloom these days.”

Well, there is lots we can do at home if we put our minds to it and, no, I don’t just mean the housework. 

Those fortunate to have a garden and be fit enough to tend it, can spend more time getting it ready for spring; indeed, any form of creativity, be it drawing or, painting, sowing, knitting, whatever … can prove an enjoyable distraction.

Ah, but what if (like me) you have no garden and are into none of those things, for whatever reason?

Well, there is always imagination; we all have it, and even those who claim to have none may well be pleasantly surprised if they just sit back, relax, and give mind-body-spirit a free rein, refusing to let any stubborn obstacles - like negative thinking - get in the way.

HOMING IN ON POSITIVE THOUGHTS

A tiny bird flew off my duvet
to perch on my shoulder and sing
love songs in my ear

A green leaf flew off my curtains
bringing tidings of hope’s brighter
eternal spring 

A black cat leapt up from my sofa
into my arms, as if to assure us both
it’s OK to dream on 

A loved-one’s photograph on hand
winked as if to say it’s rooting for me
in another life 

Encouraged, a stranger in my mirror
let years fall away, past-present-future
but another day

I went for a stroll just for the joy of it,
less daunted by a scary Here-and Now,
though as wary still

Mask on my face, but a lively spring
in my step, ready to give any pandemic
a run for its money

Copyright R. N. Taber 2020

 

 

 

World Without End

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Climate change, coronavirus, these threaten an already much-divided world all but destroying the very foundations of a common humanity;

Racism, sexism, undermining any individuals human right to their own points of view without resorting to violence or - at the very least – bad feeling. As I have asked before on the blogs, whatever happened to agreeing to differ?

Sadly, human nature is unlikely to change even if needs must we evacuate to another planet in some distant future. On the plus side, though, there will always be those whose sense of humanitarianism transcends being pressurised by any socio-cultural- religious mind-set to which they may well have been introduced during formative years but have resisted taking for gospel, keeping an open mind-body-spirit where it counts, open to friendly persuasion and always up for debate, but a closed door to any devils-in-the detail.

The world as we know it may well come to an end someday, but humanity will always find a way to give its free spirits and positive thinkers have a voice; a voice as universal as the universe itself, the voice of love.

It may sound corny and trite, but it is on the power of love that the better, kinder, stronger side of nature and human nature turns, guaranteeing us a world without end who consent to playa part on it, however big or small, wherever and whoever we are.

WORLD WITHOUT END

Pitting itself against the human race

like a marathon runner bent on making history,

challenging time and personal space,

conceding neither grace nor favour, no matter

for leaving mind-body-spirit drained,

but up to its finer life forces to go the last mile

or go down fighting, to whatever end

in store around the next bend, homing in on a blur

of some spurious course

No vaccine to give humanity any space

to tackle some win-or-lose agenda defying culture

and religion to come into play,

fulfil any promises made by dogma or whatever,

bent on refuting any sweet mystery

of life that might see mind-body-spirt take heart,

regenerate, prove itself a force worthy

of Earth Mother’s mentoring in readiness for staying

this or that spurious course

Humanity, fighting back the only way

it knows how, mind-body-sprit drawing regeneration

from a well of hope and determination,

drinking in waters of an earth whose natural quality

lifts endurance and perseverance

 of such magnificence as redefining humanity

for centuries, making and reworking

its history, something of an apology for past mistakes

for this or that spurious course

Covid-19 will take its toll, toll, leaving

its mark forever, but the pulse of human life beats on,

driven by a capacity for hope and love

capable of defeating even the worst circumstances

nature and human nature have delivered

since the beginning of time, history a learning curve

for better, for worse, guiding us

away from any spurious course, enabling all humanity

to listen and learn, to look and see

Such is life, its ethics undermined (if well-meaningly)

by divisive socio-cultural-political expediency

Copyright R. N Taber 2020

Rites of Spring

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem first appeared on the blog in 2016.

Since the onset of the Covid-19 coronavirus, many people around the world - both sexes, all ages, especially those living alone  - are now experiencing loneliness for the first time in the lives; the need to self-isolate, social distancing, the loss of loved ones to the virus … all are impacting on our lives to some degree or another. Some of us feel supported by friends, family and neighbours while others are made to feel they do not even have that reassurance and comfort to draw upon. Whatever, we are all having to get used to living in a changed world … and change, itself, can be a tough nut to crack, even for the most resilient among us.

Loneliness is not only a sad condition but can also make a person bitter if he or she is not careful to keep a balanced perspective. We poets write about it, but it’s every lonely person’s private hell and there’s nothing poetic about it all; the poetry comes with hindsight after finding that someone special, often when and where we least expect it.

Thankfully there are many ‘special’ people in this world; those who care enough to lend a helping hand (without being asked) or even just make contact by letter, email or much appreciated phone call where they sense it may well be needed. Far too many people either wait to be approached or take offence because someone hasn’t approached them; invariably, there are reasons behind human behaviour, about which many of us don’t think to ask or even consider before taking offence … and not the least of these reasons can be loneliness, a feeling that too few of us are willing to admit.

How long two lonely people having found each other will stay together may be anyone’s guess, but it’s a sure bet they will enjoy a taste of their own private heaven. Needless to say, the heart, too, has its seasons, of which the most joyful (at any age) has to be spring.

Ah, yes, I remember it well ...

RITES OF SPRING

It was a winter of the heart,

craving spring, hungry for summer,

wondering where they’ve gone,

those sounds of laughter haunting

the ear? Why a pillow by mine

and no one there? I’m walking down

a street and all I see is feet,

protesting about being on their own

too long, falling in with others,

insisting it is where they belong

Seasons passed, cycle of pain

turning me, clockwork clown, going

through the same old motions

of getting by (fixed smile, dry eye);

till one night during Happy Hour,

there you were. For a while we took

comfort in drowning together,

letting our glasses relate the way

life's meant to be, you and me

against the world till... (maybe?)

True to say, in each other’s arms

we agreed to stay a while, no weeds

deceiving passers-by but flowers

bright as daffodils after April showers,

tail of a comet on the Milky Way,

favourite songs played over and over

by a late DJ till everyone’s running

for cover but us, left savouring dreams

to share, richer for richer, no poorer

for chancing our luck then and there

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004; 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004.]

Home Fronts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A new poem today. I am not well at the moment so hope you like it. I started writing it to cheer me up as I had been feeling very low; it certainly worked I that respect so …

Now, fear is no stranger to most if not all of us, especially now as the Covid-19 coronavirus continues to ravage communities around the world.

As a child I was afraid of being misunderstood as I was inept at properly expressing myself vocally; to some extent, I still am. As a youth and young man, I feared being exposed and beaten up for being gay; fortunately circumstances - notably my mother’s death when I was 30 – helped me to be open about my sexuality; while my mother could not have cared less,  she would have shared my secret with other members of my family who - although they may well hotly deny it now - were not gay-friendly (to say the least) in those days. Later, I would be unemployed for nearly four years after a nervous breakdown; as I recovered, I was scared I’d never work again just as I was scared I would never walk again after being warned it was a possibility after a bad accident in 2011, the same year I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Time and again, Fear has threatened me with all sorts as it does so many of us; yes, it’s scary, but I’d say, when it comes to allies in times of adversity, the human spirit is up to the challenge … if we but learn to keep faith with it. Never expect plain sailing all the way, though.

Fear drove me to attempt ‘emigrating’ in 1969 with near-disastrous results Indeed, fear continued to all but take over my life until I finally acknowledged its power over me and resolved to hit back rather than try and run away; no point in the latter, I finally recognised,  since fear would always catch up with me unless I stood up to it once and for all. I still have certain fears … of acute pain, losing friends to coronavirus or whatever … but (apart from pain) no others that spring to mind. Religious associates have told me I should fear death as I do not subscribe to any religion beyond an affinity with Pantheism, but no God of Love or Nature is going to send me to some ‘Hell’  for either refusing to let dogma tell me how to live my life, or my being gay. If life has taught me little else it is that hell is what we, ourselves, make of it from time to time, a human condition in which, yes, Fear can be relied upon to play a central role.

Fear wears many faces and takes on various personae. I defy anyone say, hand on heart, that he or she is afraid of nothing; but if we cannot beat it, at least we can do our best to stand up to it, face it head-on, and let it know we are no pushover. I only hope that when the Grim Reaper finally comes for yours truly, I can still find the strength to do just that.

Meanwhile, I take my strength from my friends, my favourite ghosts and my poetry. Is that enough? What is ever ‘enough’ but, yes, it will do nicely, thank you … wry bardic grin

HOME FRONTS

No one looks for me,

but be sure I'll find them whoever,

wherever they may be,

nor am I rejected easily, resisting 

any denial of my existing 

at the heart of mind-body-spirit;

though I intrude like a thief

in the night, nor ever dissuaded

by any absence of light

They often wear a mask,

attempt to assuming another persona

to the one I insinuate,

dragging on any positive thoughts,

until they litter a landscape 

of despair, no-one to the rescue,

wannabe heroes put to flight

for a curtain of fake news falling

even on inner sight

Ah, but who comes here,

wagging a feisty finger at you-me-us,

but an ally of sorts,

pointing out that any battles lost

leave a war you can yet win,

other positive forces on standby,

urging you don't cave in, 'you'

whom a common humanity sees

as one of its own

I am Fear, never one to be easily ignored

unless made to fall on my own sword

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2020, rev. 2021

[Note: Eagle-eyed readers will see that I have revised this poem since it first appeared on the blog; it also appears on my gay-interest poetry blog today. While, yes, poetry is universal and would hope to address anyone, feedback suggests that many readers continue to only only access one blog or the other.] RNT

 

Nature and Human Nature, a Collage

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem first appeared on the blog in 2013.

A reader asks if I have found a publisher for my next volume of poems, especially given that I have had to self-publish in the past because no publishers wanted the gay input. Well,no, I haven't, but am not really looking at the moment, as I still have not made up my mind whether or not to just self-publish a few hundred volumes and put the collection on-line at a later date. The same reader asks, "Why bother as your poems are on the blogs anyway?"  While not apprehensive about the possibility of dying (it has to happen sometime, after all)  I have to be pragmatic about life expectancy given that I will be 75 later this year and have been living with prostate cancer, along with other health issues, since 2011. I doubt whether Google will keep my blogs for long after my demise, and I want people to be able to continue accessing my poems. Should the Grim Reaper come calling before I am ready, a close friend has said he will see to it that my poetry collections go online. 

Meanwhile ...

Life is frequently inclined to behave like a rush hour commuter, shoving us this way and that until we are confused, angry, despairing to the point of giving up the daily struggle to survive on the best terms available to us; especially true for many if not most of us, I suspect, as we continue to do battle with mixed social and personal circumstances imposed as a direct consequence of Covid-19.

We may well seek some respite with nature.  Indeed, and why not?  For it is nature’s way more often than not to offer peace of mind, comfort, reassurance and hope as well as putting everyday human crises in perspective.

Ah, but neither does nature shirk from putting us mortals in our place any more than we mortals, each other.

NATURE AND HUMAN NATURE, A COLLAGE

Dogma, missiles homing in

on the most vulnerable

Heavens, healing wounds,

all God pundits divided

By dawn, subtle birdsong

calling out for a kinder world

Clouds, weary foot soldiers

haunting political stirrers

High noon, tears of the sun

(for all humanity's prejudices)

Dead leaves, Earth Mother

close to giving up on us all?

Twilight, wrapping-up time

if only to hide humanity's mess

Sunsets, Apollo’s blushes

(for humanity's mistakes?)

Stars, all eyes on our 'betters'

ever negotiating new moral highs

Darkness, mind over matter;

(pause-for-thought heroics)

Sleep, rescue from human freefall

(if only a temporary measure)

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007; 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Accomplices To Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007]

Mind-Body-Spirit, Custom Made for Positive Thinking

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

 At the moment, as the C-19 coronavirus remains an active heat around the world, it cam be hard enough just to maintain everyday momentum! Even when we know we must move on, letting go is never easy.

The trick is to never to even try and let go altogether, but let the good memories drive us forward while taking care not to let the bad one’s hold us back; cease resisting, and let mind, body and spirit work towards the same positive end. Loved ones may die and friendships drift, but there is a consciousness in all of us that defaults to the brighter, kinder, side of life and human nature; that, too, may well fade, even transform into wishful thinking, yet a positive mind-body-spirit will always default to it and see us remembered for it by any who may have been touched by its mentorship.

Such is the human consciousness (“live” or posthumous) that it has moved humanity on since the beginning of time, and so it will continue while all we human beings draw breath; not least, it is the natural by-product of a common humanity.

MIND-BODY-SPIRIT, CUSTOM MADE FOR POSITIVE THINKING

I can feel the ground shake

beneath my feet, walking down a street,

hands in pockets, lost in thought,

wondering how on earth I got here,

what on earth I’m doing,

where I’m going, and why 

I should even care anymore?

(No one else does...)

Ground still shaking, I stop,

look, listen out, for - what, exactly?

Another burst water main

on the High Street?  Can hear car horns

blowing, sad kids screaming,

woman yelling at a cyclist for ignoring

a red light, man with a stick swearing

blue murder while attempting to negotiate

rites of passage among baby buggies,

market stallholders holding up bargains

for waving at indifferent faces,

pigeons squabbling assorted crumbs,

confetti for a wedding party going through

the motions

Sound, dead. Watery eyes;

left counting the seconds, one by one,

drowning in a busy pool

on a sunny afternoon, everybody keen

to do their own thing even if means

doing nothing about crises in the deep end,

learners getting into difficulties,

copper (playing lifeguard) with hands full

sorting out a fight, kids on the grab

running off, their shrill giggles coursing

the veins like a funny story

folks, whose lives are falling apart,

turn to in denial of the mind-body-spirit’s  

losing heart

Sounds, sights, rushing back,

send me reeling, ground hurting my feet,

shaking the body, scaring the heart,

tearing the lonely soul apart who staggers

against a brick wall, struggling

to recover balance, find bearings,

arguing with passions nurtured

and neglected, wounded and nursed;

“Stop messing with my head.

I’m okay, can get by without you.

No way, did you say?

What do you know, anyway?” (No more

than I do, for sure, or we’d not have ended up

where we are

Treading water, eyes and ears

half shut to the world, wanting to be part

of all this, that, theirs, mine and…

Ah, yes, ours, but no ‘ours’ any more

(no one and everyone to blame);

looking hell in the face, cue for engaging

with a positive thinking mindset

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Cue for a Positive Mindset'  in First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

The Line Manager

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I never expected growing old(er)t to be easy, but events conspired to make it even worse, although I (usually) manage to keep looking on the bright side of life and get the better of my demons; among the latter, I count prostate cancer and arthritis. As well as certain prescription drugs, I have discovered several herbal remedies that also help a lot, but always ask my GP or cancer consultant before trying any. Whether or not they really help or it is a case of mind over matter...well, who cares if they help improve quality of life??

An old acquaintance commented only recently on how well I looked; this was after my getting precious little sleep and subsequently feeling awful, but it was nice to hear, not least because he had avoided asking me how I am, and saved me having to either lie or bore the pants off him. No one loves a whinger. Confiding with close friends and family is different; you can share a laugh at the same time. An acquaintance is a different beast altogether; for a start, they can rarely tell when you’re joking or being seriously funny in the true spirit of wry, bottom line humour.

Illness can make a person very moody, and I am no exception. On a bad day, I seek out the company of an old and close friend who will waste no time putting me down for being a miserable old git, to which I will eventually come up with a lively denial which might even pass for humorous riposte, and … Hey presto, mood is on the mend already! Oh, how I miss that as COVID-19 continues to make itself felt around the world and social interaction remains strictly limited.

No excuses, though, as there is always the telephone and other devices we can turn to for for much the same result. Not the same, I know, but any positive communication with others is better than none, and we all need to stay positive during these difficult times.

Now and then, people ask how I’m coping with the prostate cancer. Hormone therapy and a positive attitude, I invariably reply with wry grin. Oh, but doesn’t the hormone therapy make you pee a lot, and keep you up half the night? True, I agree, but I can live with that so long as I can go back to sleep quickly. Oh, but doesn’t the pain of your arthritis keep you awake? Yes, I have to agree, but much less so since I discovered when to take  the right dose of painkillers at the right time, along with an antidepressant capsule, I add, with a cheeky wink,  which goes a long way towards keeping me sane, especially at the moment when I seem to be losing a steady stream of what marbles I can still count in my 75th year....

Unable to lament the state of my mind-body-spirit to the extent they had hoped, and wallow in their own sympathy, people will usually  either change the subject (thank goodness!) or move on with a weak smile that speaks volumes … 😉

“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.” - ― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

This poem is (yes, another) kenning.

THE LINE MANAGER 

Ignore me, and you will feel regret,

abuse me, and you’ll discover vengeance

is mine (and that’s no idle threat);

treat me well and discover a friend indeed

when mind-body-spirit in pieces,

even a native optimism fast losing heart,

positive thinking in free fall,

and the will to live, but for family and friends

inspiring life forces

I come in all shapes and forms,

demand you consider certain options well,

and never hold back in asking

for help in identifying whatever life forces

need nurturing before feeding

on ego and alter ego until precious little left

for human nature to regenerate,

although never too late to bring self-preservation

into play, and win the day

Such are the ways of human nature

that what helps the goose may kill the gander

despite over-the-fence advice;

knowledge is wisdom, so seek it out, tackle

that hardest of all learning curves,

be sure to bring mind-body-spirit to heel, 
fewer distractions from purpose;

rise above all that’s dragging you down, not least

by addressing me by name

Call me Instinct, line manager for all life’s crises;
together, we may yet get the better of its nemeses

 Copyright R. N. Taber 2020

Inspiratonal

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I love to watch and hear birds. For me, though, (yes, even after the skylark) the robin has to be the most inspirational.

Most if not all of us of us discover at some time or another that parting is, indeed, a sweet sorrow; the sweeter for happy memories that continue to sustain us.

I first read this poem by Emily Dickinson while reading English and American Literature at the University of Kent in Canterbury way back in 1971; it has been one of my favourite poems ever since, also inspiring some of my own, not least the one below.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.” 

Emily Dickinson

INSPIRATIONAL

In a field of snow, I thought I saw

red berries on the branches of a tree,

but homing in, I discovered

it was but the breast of a lone robin

calling out to me

Robin, living in the hope of spring,

where love grows in a field of dreams,

though snow lay on the ground,

Earth Mother’s way of preserving

any kinder options

I stumbled, watching the robin fly

all but blindly, nor was I even looking

for hope to kindle my soul;

you took that with you when you left

along with spring

How my legs found the will to move

I can only guess was to honour the bird

as it returned, its bitter-sweet song

at a twilight in shreds for winter’s claws,

the loneliest ever heard

It was then you put your hand in mine,

and I lay my weary head on your shoulder,

as against all odds we staggered home

together, just as we had sworn ever to stay

through growing older

At the door of our house, we parted,

a glorious light in your eyes like a rainbow

among my tears you wiped dry

with the same hand that still wore my ring,

a guiding light in the snow

I thought I heard you speak my name

then saw it was but the wings of my robin

vanishing where yet I dare not go

but would, in time, just as those same tears

had followed your coffin

If a robin can see the cruelty of winter through,

be sure we lovers, though parted, can too

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'The Robin' in On the Battlefields of Love by  R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]