Self-Belief OR Destination, Otherworld

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” -  Mark Twain

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” - ― Michel de Montaigne

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”- Marilyn Monroe

“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.” - Shannon L. Alder

“Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” - M. Scott Peck 

“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.” - Andre Gide

“People may flatter themselves just as much by thinking that their faults are always present to other people's minds, as if they believe that the world is always contemplating their individual charms and virtues.” - Elizabeth Gaskell

Foe a variety of reasons, many of us suffer with low self-esteem, sometimes all our lives. I have to admit to being one of the, although I have made real progress over the years in rising above such feelings. Born and raised during the bigoted 1950’s, I was made to feel an inferior person from the time I realised I am gay, at the age of 14. Regular readers will know that I spent years in a lonely closet, rarely confiding in anyone that I was gay until ‘coming out’ to the world in my late 30’s.

Noe was my lack of self-esteem due solely to a rampant homophobia. I am not a very practical person, but found myself in a Technical High School which specialised in practical subjects like woodwork, metalwork, and technical drawing, at all of which I was next to useless and would make the kind of errors that inevitably caught a teacher’s eye; they would, in turn, bring it to the attention of the whole class. Oh, I would laugh it off, but inwardly feel positively sick.

As regular readers will also know, I had a poo relationship with my father, constantly having a go at me for “having my head in a book’ and making me feel a lesser person for that, especially as compared with my older brother who was practical, sporty and all the things my father expected of a son. Rightly or wrongly, I felt psychologically bullied and hadn’t yet learned to effectively stand up for myself without provoking an almighty row.

We are who we are and should not feel a need to justify how we identify ourselves to anyone. Being made - intentionally or otherwise - to feel less of a person by anyone, especially during our formative years or in the workplace, wherever … it can take years, if ever, to shake off a sense of inferiority.

I feel a greater sense of freedom these days, having learned mu lessons the hard way but cannot help wishing I had especially come across the Elizabeth Gaskell quote (above) during my younger years as a bookworm. 

SELF-BELIEF or DESTINATION, OTHERWORLD

Being told this, told that,
and failing to achieve a good result,
gave mind-body-spirit
a sense of falling apart, being unequal
to perspectives on me
I couldn’t work through or begin to share
however hard I’d try,
until I started listening to that voice within
reminding me I'm my own person

All but persuaded to find
my own way in a world confusing me
every step I’d take,
urging I do this or maybe rather do that
to get anywhere,
be the Someone those expecting far more
of me may rest assured
that, if only I’d listened to all they had to say,
I’d have chosen to go a ‘better’ way 

Time and again I’d feel lost,
unsuited and confused by worldly ways
others fell into with ease,
until I stumbled on home truths no-one
had led me to believe,
till mind-body-spirit made time and space
to replace the 'me'
I'd see through other eyes with my very own,
no less from without as from within

I saw a world judging me neither sinner nor fool,
made my peace with heart-and-soul 

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2023

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my gay-poetry blog today.] RT

Spelling it Out

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein 

“The world helps you to keep evolving and hope it's for better. You have to rise above all the tragedies in life. You have to grow, and if you stop growing, you are old.” - Hrithik Roshan“

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”- Helen Keller 

“Winter is a season of recovery and preparation.” - Paul Theroux  

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ― Maya Angelou

Now, after all the fun and fireworks, the early days of any new year can become daunting as we place our hopes in what lies ahead, no idea whether or not we will see them fulfilled, fail in the attempt or be outwitted by forces beyond our control…? A scary prospect.  The more we contemplate a whole new year ahead, so excitement and enthusiasm may well give way to a mind-body-spirit likely to leave us  less able to think straight than the worst hangover ever.  

So…? We may well need help. We may well need a sounding board. We may well need a good friend (who knows us well) to confide in and help our more positive thoughts to find a voice, give us feedback, help us through the hangover into whatever it takes to help us confront, make sense of and (eventually) rise above whatever is gnawing away at us…

SPELLING IT OUT

Old year done and dusted,
another to get through, for better
or worse, as we can but try 
to keep looking on the bright(er) side
of life, whatever challenges
invading our personal space demand
we meet them head-on, 
resolve to tackle each as best we can,
bring out the best of being human

We can wish our cares away
to no avail, side-step, put on hold
our worst fears in vain,
inevitably have them catch us out
when we are least prepared
for not having thought them through,
shared our feelings with a friend,
sought more than a shoulder to cry on,
called on the best of being human

Every worry, every sadness
needs to find a voice, similarly
every voice needs someone
to listen to what it has to say, hear
what lies beyond the words,
help us to understand our world,
(even make it a kinder place?)
bring such inspiration to personal space
as lets heart-and-soul set the pace

Another year of spelling out You-Me-Us;
keywords: patience, peace, happiness

Copyright R. N. Taber 2023

[Note: This post-poem also appears on my gay poetry blog today, given that feedback continues to suggest that many LGBT readers remain inclined to give this one a miss.] RT

 

A Walk on the Dark Side

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance.” - Plato

“Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.” - Dalai Lama

“Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance.” - Francis of Assisi “Prejudice is the child of ignorance.” - William Hazlitt 

“Violence isn't always evil. What's evil is the infatuation with violence.” - Jim Morrison

“My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy, that some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.”- Maya Angelou

Now, few things encourage anger among populations worldwide than instability and where there is instability, there is invariably a rising discontent which, in turn, encourages anger, even violence. The world is anything but stable at the moment, especially with the war in Ukraine resulting in an economic crisis just about everywhere.

Here in the UK, Rishi Sunak has been voted our new prime minister – our third this year! – by Tory MP’s, while other parties and much of the population had been calling for a General Election. While I, personally, think Sunak is a good choice, the fact remains that he does not have a mandate; the political argument put forward by the Conservative Party that it does have mandate, having been voted into power at the last General Election, neither impresses nor convinces most people. After all, the world is a very different place than it was in May, 2019!

We have seen a significant rise of violence on the streets as well as domestic violence since Covid-19 arrived. Given the further threat of a possible flu/ Covid pandemic this winter, as well as a world financial crisis, it is hardly surprising that cases of reported violence appear to be rising. As for unreported cases... who knows?

A WALK ON THE DARK SIDE

I listen, but do not always hear,
look, but do not always see what is there,
only what I expect to find
in the deeper, darker recesses of a mind
fed half-truths and fake news,
manipulated by destructive life forces
supposedly meaning well,
while making use of such stereotypical images
as would rewrite history’s pages

Born innocent, only to be exposed
to a cowardly rhetoric of prejudice and hate
insinuating mind-body-spirit
with misinformation, fake news and such views
as expounded to win over
the less perceptive, least enlightened
among humanity, nurturing
prejudice and violence to home in on a humanity,
with a predilection for profanity 

I turn common sense on its head, sanity
made to give way to such false interpretations
of self-education, perpetuated
by the absence of love, kindness, caring
for one another, all virtue
portrayed as weakness to the vulnerable,
by any who walk on the Dark Side,
waging war with and for every human heart-and-soul,
manipulators and manipulatable

I am Ignorance, listening out for a wiser, kinder voice;
peace or violence, an all but interchangeable choice

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

[Note: this post-poem appears on both poetry blogs today, as I feel it is relevant and feedback suggests that many LGBT readers remain cautious of only having access to shared computers.] RT 

Potential for a Love Story OR The Eyes Have It

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Love has no gender - compassion has no religion - character has no race.” - Abhijit Naskar, Either Civilised or Phobic: A Treatise on Homosexuality 

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin

“Equality means more than passing laws. The struggle is really won in the hearts and minds of the community, where it really counts.” – Barbara Gittings

“Sexuality is one of the ways in which we become enlightened, actually, because it leads to self-knowledge – Alice Walker”

Now, it was a lay preacher who first defined ‘gay’ for me as “A person who not only sees no sin in being physically attracted to their own gender, but dares to justify any such relationship by suggesting it is a mutually consensual experiment in love. Love, of course, plays no part in it. It’s but an excuse for casual sex which, even between opposite genders is only ever at best, a selfish act, at worst, a sin.”

“But what if the couple concerned really do fall in love?” I wanted to know.

“Are you deaf, or something,” he snapped testily, there is no such thing as falling in love with someone of your own sex. Love them, yes, by all means, but platonically, not in a physical sense.” Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do…”

Even at the age of 11, ‘pompous ass’ was the first phrase that sprung to mind as I watched him go.

It was the 1950’s. My mind continued to dwell on that conversation even before I realised I was gay myself. So prevalent and widely accepted was such prejudice towards gay folks in those days, that I felt unable to confide in anyone.

As regular readers will know, it would be another twenty years before I felt strong enough to share my secret with the world, but not before falling in love with a potential partner for life who was killed in a car accident that sent me scurrying back into a lonely closet.

Fewer people these days are intimidated by religious objections to a person’s sexuality and are more inclined to take others as they find them and play any potential friendship by ear.

Now, some readers may well be interested in the revised edition of Odd Men Out by John-Pierre Joyce, Manchester University Press, 2022. It charts the history of gay men in 1950’s and 1960’s Britain, but I suspect gay men everywhere, from all walks of life, will be able to relate to it, not least because homophobia remains rampant across the world, not least due to the narrowmindedness and sheer hypocrisy of various religions.

POTENTIAL FOR A LOVE STORY or THE EYES HAVE IT

As he turned from his window
on the world below,
his gaze rested briefly on me,
and in that moment,
we strangers acknowledged
the prison from which
we so longed to go free to enjoy
such venial pleasures, for better or worse
as would see us embrace

He left the room without a word,
intuitively, I followed;
sooner, rather than later, we knew
we would be acting out
a beautiful dream acknowledged
under cover of silence,
bringing us together to revel
in such carnal delights as we would share,
for laying our souls bare

Better bare than clothed in hypocrisies
constantly insisting
we are committing various sins
of the flesh, sure to see us
in a hell of our own construction 
for denying the edicts
of religions dating back centuries,
ostensibly expressions of love and peace,
except for You-Me-Us

I am that desire-of-the-flesh-become-reality,
transcending a potential love story

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022 

[Note: Several straight friends insisted I publish this post-poem on both poetry blogs today. Who am I to argue...?]

 

A Life in the Day of a Smile

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“Pain pays the income of each precious thing.” - William Shakespeare

¨What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable. ¨- Joseph Addison

“A warm smile id the universal language of kindness2. – William Arthur Ward

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – E. E. Cummings

"Peace begins with a smile."- Mother Teresa

Now, on the face of it, there’s not much to smile about at the moment, with soaring living and food costs and staffing problems in just about every corner of society having a knock-on effect in all kinds of ways. 

Even so, better to grit our teeth and raise a smile, surely, that waste precious time and energy crying over spilt milk? Never easy, as I have said many times on the blog, but Hobson’s choice in so far as we sink or we swim. 

Besides, managing a smile, even a laugh in the face of adversity, never fails to give mind-body-spirit a boost, makes us feel better and more confident about the future… even when the immediate outlook is not good, to say the least.

Oh, and yes, mine is the voice of experience, and how…! wry bardic grin.

A LIFE IN THE DAY OF A SMILE

Weary of battling hard times,
tempted to wave a white flag at them,
let them treat me as they will;
invariably, I find a way to counter-attack,
body-mind-spirit refusing to cave in
to such vagaries of fate as would see me
crushed by the weight of my own
shortcomings; rather, I choose peace of a kind
that foxes all humankind

Circumstances, eager to see me
on my knees, not least various health
issues and matters pecuniary
that would send all mind-body-spirit
into freefall, kith and kin
on tenterhooks, my end in their eyes
clearer and closer each day,
throwing down a gauntlet to all heart-and soul
to resist and rise above it all

Lips set in cheery curve, eyes on cue,
the taste of love and hope on the tongue
sweeter than I have ever known,
I embrace all that’s beautiful in the world,
as good a prop as any
to light up its past-present-future and have it
find peace; though the way ahead
take its toll on me, let any tears provide rainbows
promising kinder tomorrows

No matter what, needs must we go that last mile,
nurture the nature of a smile

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Another Open Letter to Readers

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Hi Everyone, from here in London UK,

Sorry, no poem today, but am working on one...

Several readers have kindly emailed to ask how I am, as I am getting on a bit now and having to deal with various health problems, although not Covid-19, so I count my blessings.

My inner self is fine most of the time, I am happy to say; the pandemic leaves me very dispirited from time to time, especially when my bad leg &/or prostate cancer are playing up at the same time. By way of creative therapy, writing up the blog and making contact with readers around the world is not only a welcome distraction from my own problems, but hugely comforting too. So, many thanks to you all again, just for being there and taking the trouble read my poems.

Some days, of course, are worse than others, but I decided a long time ago that I would take each day as it comes and try to keep looking on the bright(er)side of life. Years go, I did not expect to be having to deal with growing old on my own. As it turned out, I live alone, but have some good friends who keep me on my toes; hopefully, the feeling is reciprocal.

None of us can tell the future, though (probably just as well) so we have little or no choice but to deal with the ups and downs of life as they (invariably) happen or let them toss us into a quagmire of self-pity and despair.

Oh, yes, I  am familiar with that quagmire, been stuck in it many times over the years, but not for a long time, so... fingers crossed. I get fed-up, of course, don't we all? After a nervous breakdown some 40+ years ago, though, I have done my best to give it a wide berth.  Never easy, but well worth the struggle, as anyone who has ever been there will tell you. None of us should ever hesitate to ask for help, either; help is on hand in family friends, professional counsellors... all can help, but none are mind readers and I suspect there will always be times in life when we need to swallow any misplaced pride and learn how to get a life again...

For many people, everyday life becomes harder to contend with once retired, especially if - for whatever reason - they are unable to enjoy retirement as they had hoped and planned. An elderly friend - long since passed away - once warned me about retirement. "When you retire, be sure to replace your job, especially if it is one that has given you much pleasure and satisfaction, with something that gives you much the same level of pleasure and satisfaction," adding wryly, "We all need a purpose in life. When you retire, it's a case of sink or swim." Having been retired for nearly 15 years now, I am often reminded of those words, hearing his voice speak them in my head whenever I feel myself in danger of sinking into the quagmire...

Easier said than done, of course, but what isn't in the struggle to make the best of circumstances we would have preferred to avoid...?

Oh, and my late friend also told me to be sure and practice what I preach, so I do my best. 😉

Take good care of yourselves, dear readers, play safe, keep well as we can but try to nurture a positive thinking mindset, whatever life throws at us,

Lotta digital hugs, many thanks for dropping by and join me again anytime,

Roger