Partners in Time

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

The relationship between any writer and what he or she writes is, in many ways, much like an enduring friendship.  While it isn't always easy easy to find the words to express our feelings with even a loved one or close friend, they will often draw on their knowledge of us to understand what we are trying to say. Such, too, is the relationship between a poet and mind-body-spirit, the latter sensing instinctively what we need to say and encouraging us to find the right words.

Any relationship will, of course, have its ups and downs...but any sound relationship, whether human or  otherwise can, if nurtured, evolve a s a lasting partnership, enough give and take on both sides to reach out to others. Whether a novelist, poet, painter or potter...whatever...those 'others' are such as yourselves, dear readers, in the hope that the poems that appear here on the blog will reach out to you as mind-body-spirit has reached out to me.

Any art form can be as positive a therapy for its creator as for anyone who finds themselves entering into and identifying with it by way of appreciation. In this way, the partnership embraces a third party and achieves - even if only partly - its positive purpose. 

Yes, well, win some, lose some...😉

PARTNERS IN TIME

Sometimes I seem to do
the dirty on you, just when you need
to reach out to me
and you have no idea why I should
behave this way, leaving you
feeling so confused, even afraid we might
be growing apart,
a prospect so scary, it’s sending an S.O.S.
to mind body-spirit

Time passes, people change
not always easy to reason why, accept
and ask ourselves how
we can best look forward with hope
not despair, no moping about
and blaming fate for abandoning us
to the passage of time,
leaving us feeling it’s already too late, even
for mind-body-spirit

Ah, but appearances can deceive,
our relationship seems to be changing,
and change it will,
doesn’t mean I am either giving up
on you or vice versa,
we are as integral to any living landscape
as are sea and sand, earth and sky, bird and nest
to mind-body-sprits

Life may well change how we look and feel,
but the 'ME' in TI-M-E embraces us all

 Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

 

The Line Manager

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I never expected growing old(er)t to be easy, but events conspired to make it even worse, although I (usually) manage to keep looking on the bright side of life and get the better of my demons; among the latter, I count prostate cancer and arthritis. As well as certain prescription drugs, I have discovered several herbal remedies that also help a lot, but always ask my GP or cancer consultant before trying any. Whether or not they really help or it is a case of mind over matter...well, who cares if they help improve quality of life??

An old acquaintance commented only recently on how well I looked; this was after my getting precious little sleep and subsequently feeling awful, but it was nice to hear, not least because he had avoided asking me how I am, and saved me having to either lie or bore the pants off him. No one loves a whinger. Confiding with close friends and family is different; you can share a laugh at the same time. An acquaintance is a different beast altogether; for a start, they can rarely tell when you’re joking or being seriously funny in the true spirit of wry, bottom line humour.

Illness can make a person very moody, and I am no exception. On a bad day, I seek out the company of an old and close friend who will waste no time putting me down for being a miserable old git, to which I will eventually come up with a lively denial which might even pass for humorous riposte, and … Hey presto, mood is on the mend already! Oh, how I miss that as COVID-19 continues to make itself felt around the world and social interaction remains strictly limited.

No excuses, though, as there is always the telephone and other devices we can turn to for for much the same result. Not the same, I know, but any positive communication with others is better than none, and we all need to stay positive during these difficult times.

Now and then, people ask how I’m coping with the prostate cancer. Hormone therapy and a positive attitude, I invariably reply with wry grin. Oh, but doesn’t the hormone therapy make you pee a lot, and keep you up half the night? True, I agree, but I can live with that so long as I can go back to sleep quickly. Oh, but doesn’t the pain of your arthritis keep you awake? Yes, I have to agree, but much less so since I discovered when to take  the right dose of painkillers at the right time, along with an antidepressant capsule, I add, with a cheeky wink,  which goes a long way towards keeping me sane, especially at the moment when I seem to be losing a steady stream of what marbles I can still count in my 75th year....

Unable to lament the state of my mind-body-spirit to the extent they had hoped, and wallow in their own sympathy, people will usually  either change the subject (thank goodness!) or move on with a weak smile that speaks volumes … 😉

“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.” - ― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

This poem is (yes, another) kenning.

THE LINE MANAGER 

Ignore me, and you will feel regret,

abuse me, and you’ll discover vengeance

is mine (and that’s no idle threat);

treat me well and discover a friend indeed

when mind-body-spirit in pieces,

even a native optimism fast losing heart,

positive thinking in free fall,

and the will to live, but for family and friends

inspiring life forces

I come in all shapes and forms,

demand you consider certain options well,

and never hold back in asking

for help in identifying whatever life forces

need nurturing before feeding

on ego and alter ego until precious little left

for human nature to regenerate,

although never too late to bring self-preservation

into play, and win the day

Such are the ways of human nature

that what helps the goose may kill the gander

despite over-the-fence advice;

knowledge is wisdom, so seek it out, tackle

that hardest of all learning curves,

be sure to bring mind-body-spirit to heel, 
fewer distractions from purpose;

rise above all that’s dragging you down, not least

by addressing me by name

Call me Instinct, line manager for all life’s crises;
together, we may yet get the better of its nemeses

 Copyright R. N. Taber 2020

Natural Instinct

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem first appeared in Poetry Monthly International in 2009. Sadly, the magazine has since closed after a very successful run for some years as Poetry Monthly. The poem subsequently appeared in my collection the following year. [I often add alternative titles to blog entries to help facilitate searches.]

Whatever our socio-cultural-religious, political or even sexual persuasion, our lives will be found sorely wanting unless we allow for and respect certain points of view and aspects of Belief  (or non-Belief) that are different from, even hostile to our own.

Yes, we should condemn criminal/terrorist violence and any that seek to force others to adopt a twisted ideology tailored to their own distorted view of raison d’être, but there is a world of difference between engaging with and relating to raison d’être in (many) different ways and upholding a distorted view of it.

As I have said before on my blogs, our differences do not make us different, only human, and to be human is to understand and act upon a sense of compassion; nor should compassion (ever) be mistaken for being patronizing or showing pity, a form of weakness or some unwelcome intruder bent on having sport with us…but needs to be acknowledged and accepted for what it is, a life force that requires nurturing since, without it, humankind loses much if not all of its humanity.

Oh, and how to nurture? Well, could it be perhaps that where there’s a common socio-cultural-religious- political will, there really is a way? Fat chance, I dare say, but if enough people make enough ripples…one day, who knows?  We all have a duty of care towards each other, always have had, and even if not especially in the world today, looking out for each other across divisions, not creating them, leading by example as and when we can, and trusting others may yet follow. Yes, we are only human, but is it really too much to ask...of all of us, not just those who care because they are naturally caring people and/or they work with the emergency services.

This poem is a kenning, or 'Who am I?' poem as the kenning is often called.

NATURAL INSTINCT

Invariably, I am tested to tears

where fear, resentment, blame, even hate

would have me take on the persona

of some dark angel, turning its back on all

it holds dear, clawing its way

under the skin of whom it holds responsible

for those self-same tears

shed for a love meaning more, far more

than any free fall horror

Invariably, I am all but torn apart

where a native sense of right and wrong

weigh down the scales of justice

on a side I would much prefer not to be,

taking the human heart to places

it would much prefer not to go, carried

in spite of itself by a relentless

undertow of fiercely conflicting emotions

preventing rescue

Invariably, I reach out for hands

stretching from a shadowy shore so near

yet, oh, so far…and it comforts me

in my distress to know there is goodness

and hope where the human heart

beats with a will to overcome its worst,

demanding we do our best, despite

a tearful mist blurring the sight, sure threat

even to love’s lasting light

I am that kinder aspect of human nature
concerned with due care and nurture

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009; 2017

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Only Human' in On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]

Prelude to a Coming of Age

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem appeared on my gay-interest blog in 2014 after a teenager emailed me to say he thinks he is gay, and asks how can he be sure? Five years on, and another young person, still at school, has  asked the same question.Well, it isn't rocket science. Anyone more physically attracted to their own than the opposite sex is almost certainly gay; it only gets complicated if we are convinced family and friends will turn against us for various socio-cultural-religious reasons.

I wrote this poem when I was 14 years-old, and beginning to come to terms with being gay; it would be another 40+ years, though, before it appeared in print. Although I enjoyed a sex life of sorts, it was like engaging with shadows until my late 30's. In hindsight, I wish I had come out to family and friends years earlier, but same sex relationships were a criminal offence in those days, and I was afraid people I cared about would think ill of me. Here in the UK, there is pro-LGBT legislation now, yet here is someone in a cosmopolitan city like London facing much the same dilemma as I did all those years ago. [Incidentally, he specifically asks that I continue to post gay-interest poems on this blog from time to time "... because parents and the like need to people like me dare not a access a gay blog as I share a computer with the rest of my family."]

One of humanity's prevailing tragedies is that we cannot legislate for human nature.

All I can say is that if it feels right to come out to family and friends, GO for it, and if it doesn't, bide your time. Trust your instincts. Friends and family may well have guessed anyway, and are only waiting for you to raise the subject. Whatever, they may need time to get used to the idea, just as we do ourselves. A true friend and close family will always be there for you. Never mistake an initially negative reaction for outright rejection. Sadly, though, rejection is a risk we take.

Those adults, especially parents, inclined to assume that children and young people don’t know their own minds regarding sexuality (and much else besides) need to think again, and think through what it means for a young person to acknowledge he or she is gay.  

As for parent-child relationships, gay or straight, is it not, after all, no more or less than a question of love?

Those who condemn LGBT relationships. especially for religious reasons are hypocrites, given that religion is meant to be predominantly about love.While Ido not subscribe to any religion, neither can I conceive of any God as being homophobic. Sexuality and religion should not be mutually exclusive, and anyone embracing both, even if it remains pragmatic - dor whatever reason - to stay in some proverbial closet, should not think badly of themselves for it. Closets are real, though, and can be cold, lonely places; religious dogma and socio-cultural conventions have a LOT to answer for, as do those who would 'out' someone before they are ready, a despicable act.

As I have said so often on the blogs, and will continue to do so, our differences do not make us different, only human, and no less deserving of respect for our place in a common humanity than anyone else.

PRELUDE TO A COMING OF AGE

Saw a boy and girl kissing

under a blossoming cherry tree,

and wished it were me

I longed for such an embrace,

to hear words of love in my ear,

and wiped away a tear

Oh, for those lips on mine,

fuelling this frantic desire in me

to be yours, to be free…

They made a fine couple,

pink confetti blowing in a breeze

driving them to their knees

I could only turn away,

but imagine a lovemaking divine

and wish it were mine

Saw a boy and girl kissing

under the blossoming cherry tree

and wished she were me

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010

[Note: This poem appears under the title 'Acknowledging Sexuality' in On the Battlefields of Love [poems] by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010.]

Engaging with Mirrors

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It is not unusual for me to hear from readers - especially young people - torn between love of family and a respect for a culture in which the family may well have its origins, but which for them, as 21st century girls and boys, men and women living in the 21st century, has increasingly less relevance.

Nor is it only tough for gay people whose culture of origin may be intrinsically homophobic, Many more young people feel hogtied by certain traditions that are, to say the least, anachronisms in the modern world.

There are no easy answers, and I am not surprised that many young people, feeling unable to  choose between their family and the way of life they would prefer to follow, continue to pay lip service to this or that anachronism while desperately seeking a compromise. [I have often wondered why ‘compromise’ is often considered a dirty word when it is not infrequently a far better path to follow than where no one is prepared to compromise at all.]

No one should be made to feel they must choose between family and the life they want for themselves. Love sometimes means letting people go. Family members can show no greater love for their children or siblings than by trusting them to make their own way in life even if, in the light of their own upbringing, they may not quite approve.

Every generation needs to break free of family ties that bind. Invariably, by doing so, those same tied reassert themselves even more strongly than before.

We are not a world of clones (yet) so let’s all make the most of who we are and not only  encourage loved ones to do the same, but take pride in their doing so.

Yes, yes, I know I have said much the same thing more than once on the blogs and doubtless shall do so again. Regular readers may well recall that I often cite my mother’s pointing out to a young Roger T that ‘if something is worth saying, it is always worth repeating.’

ENGAGING WITH MIRRORS

Looking in my mirror, all I can see
is a tear-stained face grimacing at me,
mouthing questions I can’t ignore
though asked them many times before

A still, small voice demands of me
I walk tall, be confident in my sexuality,
forget compromise as a real choice,
but make a stand, give integrity a voice

I tell the mirror, ‘That’s all very well,
and I agree I might just as well be in hell
for this pain and fear like a fire in me,
but what will I find if I walk tall, go free?’

‘What if people choose to reject me
and I lose the love and respect of family,
friends, work colleagues, everyone…
lose face within my culture and religion?’

‘What chance of getting them to see
I didn’t choose my sexuality, it chose me,
and I’m the same person I was before
I chose truth, a refugee in lies no more?’

‘Follow your instincts,’ says the mirror,
though family, friends, creed and culture;
put love and peace to the ultimate test,
or how else can they, in you, find rest?’

‘Trust me,’ mouths the mirror, ‘A world
for whom respect seems so shallow a word
when it comes to healing its differences
will one day need to reassess its priorities.’

Dare I do as the mirror says in good faith,
knowing I so long to go its way, take a path
pointing me plainly in the right direction,
where I follow the rhetoric of deception?

Family and friends looking out for one another,
care you enough for me to see-hear my mirror?

Copyright R. N. Taber. 2012; 2013

[Note: An earlier draft (under the title 'It's Done with Mirrors') appears in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]