Priorities (Getting them Right)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Now, there is a saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, I disagree.

It isn’t only retired people who can feel lonely, of course; it can (and often does) happen to anyone who, for whatever reason, feels out of the social loop and has no idea what to do about it. Doing nothing, though, is not an option unless we are resigned to letting life pass us by. For retired people, daytime TV isn’t a satisfactory option either.

Focusing on the job in hand, many of us underestimate the importance of the everyday contact with other people that any work ethos offers. Suddenly, we arrive at the retirement we have looked forward to all our working lives; for single people, especially, that everyday contact may well no longer be there. Gone are the people that have been so much a part of our lives for so long; gone, too, a major focal point…the job itself.

I got chatting to a widower recently who hated retirement until he joined a local community group campaigning for better facilities for young people in his area. A former business executive  he  was able to bring his organization skills (among others) to the campaign and made lots of new friends, young and old. I asked him why he got involved in the first place. “I suddenly realised I was on my own, going nowhere fast and I’d be stuck with Jeremy Kyle if I wasn’t careful,” he told me with a grin. “I was out of the loop good and proper, and nothing was going to change unless I made it happen. I heard about the campaign, and have never looked back. If not the campaign, I’d have found something, you can be sure of that. I mean, you can’t survive on your own, can you…?”

How do I cope with retirement? Well, I took early retirement at 50 so I could spend more time writing. An isolationist occupation, you might think, but feedback suggests my blog readers enjoy many of my poems, and I have always found writing very therapeutic. Even so, I made a point of getting out and meeting people for many years if less so now as I have prostate cancer and a mobility problem following a nasty fall in 2014. Yet, I made some good friends and remain in touch with some, especially my best friend Graham, these plus my blog readers help me feel in a loop I’d rather be in than out so no worries there.

Many older people are unable to get out and about; for them – especially single people and those whose families are not on hand – loneliness can be a terrible thing. I recently heard of someone who takes retirement (and loneliness) in his stride by visiting lonely people and spending time with them. “It’s two-way traffic,” he told me when we met recently, “We support each other.”

Supporting each other… What better way to stay in the loop, eh?

I recall once complaining about being bored to my English teacher Mr ‘Jock’ Rankin who had asked how I was settling in at my new home across the river. ‘Life won’t come to you, Taber,” he said, “You have to go out and meet it head-on or you’ll not only be bored, you’ll be lonely too” Wise words in my ear, some 60+ years on …

PRIORITIES (GETTING THEM RIGHT)

Loneliness crept up on me,
had its feet  well under my table
before I knew it

No one calling on the phone,
no one ever knocking at my door
to ask how I am

No more cheery cards, letters,
remains of  kinder times dropping
on the doormat

No one stopping for a chat
while window shopping, desperate
to pass the time

Took a tumble in the street,
complete strangers rushing to help
piece me together

Faith in humanity restored,
I joined a local community project,
got myself a life

Self-pity, it had played dirty,
given Once-Upon-A-Time priority
over Here-and-Now

Copyright R. N. Taber 2017

Ghost Story, a Cautionary Tale

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Regular readers will be aware that my interest in ghosts and a posthumous consciousness contribute to other themes in many of my poems, especially later ones. 

Now, I have seen people put in hours (and years) of unpaid overtime in various occupations for precious little thanks.  The cost to the worker in terms of family and social life, not to mention his or her health, is immeasurable. 

It may well be a sweeping statement (a general truism all the same) but the more a worker does, the more management is likely to let him or her do until such a time as it no longer suits management, for one reason or another.

We all try to be conscientious at work, but there is such a thing as overkill…

Time is never on our side  so it is down to each and every one of us to get our priorities right; work will always be high on the list, yes, but making time for ourselves, family and friends should be our number one priority since for them, too, time is not on their side and we never know for how long we may have them in our lives. I often hear people say, 'When I retired I will...' but by then it may well be too late. Besides, not everyone makes it to retirement...

Time is, at the very least as unpredictable as it is fickle. As for any work ethos, we need to take it seriously, of course, while at the same time making sure it does not prevent us getting a (real) life.

GHOST STORY, a CAUTIONARY TALE

Over a period of years,

I could never help but notice

the slim, shadowy man

always waiting at my bus stop

never caught one

None of my business

of course, but eventually I asked

(pretending to care)

just what on earth he thought

he was doing there

He flung me a sad grin,

‘Well, no need to catch a bus,

been dead a good while...’

‘You're a ghost?’ I even managed

a wry smile

His laughter was kindly

(no cause for fear) ‘I love meeting

buses, watching faces

heading home, see lights coming on

in their eyes…’

‘I read between every line,

(the love, the strain) observe them

glance at their watches,

cursing time for its never taking

prisoners…’

‘It's all there - behind

the eyes, polite smile, creased brow;

hope, love, fears,

laughter, doubt, like a shopping bag

of groceries…’

‘It's the lonely ones

who really get to me, chasing a trail

that never ends;

so many good people, too busy even

for family and friends."

‘Rich or poor, famous

or an anonymous face in the street,

needs must…

family and friends first, the work ethic

a worthy second best…’

I asked him to read my face

with some misgiving. He chuckled.

‘No need. Who has time

for a ghost has a lot to make up for

to the living.’

I'd been working late again,

and after chatting with the ghost

I wondered all the way home

which one of us was truly dead or alive

the most

Years on, same bus stop,

(been partying, and had a skinful)

my love and I saw someone  

talking to the wall, and passionately

wished them well

Copyright R. N. Taber 2000; 2014

 early version of this poem appears in 1st eds. Love And Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books,2001.]

Deep River OR Fishing for the Twinkle in Time's Eye

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A friend who, like me, lives on his own, commented that he would so love to find someone special with whom to share his life, but simply didn’t have the time, what with work and seeing to the shopping, laundry, keeping the house clean and everything else that needed to be done. Fair enough, but how often do we wonder how other people manage to find the time for leisure activities and generally enjoying life? If the answer is often, then we need to make time too or risk life dumping us in some metaphorical river carrying us along with the rest of its human waste…  

We are often told that the cut and thrust of modern life is all about prioritizing. (How managers and supervisors, not to mention politicians love that word!). Well, making time to get a life needs to be a priority, too, surely? Oh, of course things (relationships?) don’t always work out as we'd hoped (in my case, more often than not) but there is so much in life to miss out on; we need to pause for thought, and then make time to GO FOR IT. True, we all have our limitations, but as a teacher at my old school once pointed out, limitations are a challenge not an excuse.

My dear late mother once told me, ‘Always make time to reflect on life because it’s food for thought that makes the feast all the more enjoyable.’ Wise words, indeed!

DEEP RIVER or FISHING FOR THE TWINKLE IN TIME’S EYE

A man by a river is always there,

often fishing, now and then sketching

or gazing into the air as if watching

birds in flight only, invariably,

there are none in sight as light on a face

all grizzled and worn (at first sight)

seems to shed all trace of care,

take on a saintly profile, a beauty rare,

sublime, less in thrall to time

and place than the river passing us by,

emanating centuries of loving, dreaming,

despairing of ever finding whatever

we dare not cease seeking if half scared

of naming, growing weary of hoping,

trying to express in the ways we look, talk,

pressing on regardless, feeling alone

even in crowds, begrudging time to pause

for breath (forget positive thinking)

half expecting to find Someone ‘out there’

(but where, and if we do, what then?) 

‘A strange man,’ people mutter and move on,

few pausing to ask why he’s always there,

by a river, often fishing, sometimes laughing

or just gazing into thin air (at what, ghosts?)

deflecting a general incapacity of native curiosity

to translate into… an oral perspicacity leading

to whatever, but something (surely?)

that has to be better than this mere moving on

like a river ...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2014

[Note : An earlier version of this poem appears in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Weeping Ozone, Sleepwalking World

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update July 29th 2019: The world s beginning to wake up to the threat of climate change. Better late than never, although some pf its major players (like US President Donald Trump, to name just one continue to insist it is fake news. Let's all hope it is not too late for future generations.] RT

It is GOOD that (at last!) the world is starting to take climate change seriously, and accepting some responsibility for it. Even so, I can’t help thinking it is too little too late…especially as humankind is, on the whole, inclined to put its immediate needs first; immediate, but often (well) above and beyond the basics. Food, shelter and affordable housing are constantly put at risk by corporate greed funded by the wealthy intent upon getting wealthier and supported by the kind of back-door politics at which so many politicians excel.

There are, of course, a lot of good people out there if outnumbered by the bad. (The expression, 'the smile on the face of a tiger' springs to mind…)

It will be down to future generations to make the best (or worst, as the case may be) of the mess we have made and  continue to make of our planet with whatever resources available and, hopefully, a generous dose of sound common sense.

Whatever happened to priorities? It is bad enough that many people continue to bury their heads in the sand and pretend global warming is a fiction. How a significant number of those same people can continue to rage against gay relationships, for example, while playing down if not ignoring what has to be one of the greatest threats to the human race we will ever face is beyond my comprehension.

WEEPING OZONE, SLEEPWALKING WORLD

Terror in the sky, likely to bring
about the destruction of our planet;
rivers run dry, poisoned plants,
beasts of the wild starved of a will
to live, birds of the air unable
to take wing, too weak to sing even;
fishes in the sea, last to survive
nature’s very own Armageddon,
no end of tears in the ozone

Fear enough to melt glaciers,
seed mountains, valleys, urban oases
of wishful thinking among
fortune hunters quick to seize the day,
make a killing for profit (or kicks)
in human as well as animal trade-offs,
heart sleeves of the best cloth,
faux promises dead in the water,
potential eulogy for humanity

Panic in forests stripped of trees
meant to protect us in mean streets,
 androids forced to their knees
by silicon gods competing to be first
to clone eternity, any semblance
of morality but a vainglorious sterility
glossing over forsworn obligations
to generations left rummaging nature
for crumbs of survival

To the earth, a relentless rush of pain
its peoples shrug off as acid rain

Copyright R. N. Taber 2014; 2018

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in The Third Eye: poems by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004 under the title 'Under Threat'; rev title 2018.]

Warning: Personal Space, Closed for Repairs

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

I suspect the situation this post and poem attempts to reflect is probably familiar to many if not most of us.

Overheard in a café:

WOMAN: Michael has been trying to get in touch with you. By all accounts, he’s in a bit of a state.  I gather his love life has turned turtle, the poor love.

MAN: No surprises there then.

WOMAN: So why aren’t you picking up or returning his calls?

MAN: Because I have serious problems of my own at the moment. I really can't cope with Michael's until I sort my own. 

WOMAN: That is so selfish! It’s all right for you. You’re strong. You know how needy poor Michael is.

MAN: Yes, well, right now I’m needy too. I need to sort myself out, and I can’t do that if I’m stuck with sorting Michael out...again.

WOMAN: But, poor Michael...

MAN: Poor Michael needs to grow up, and if you think he’s so needy, YOU go and sort him out.

The man left abruptly. The woman caught my eye, shrugged and sent her eyebrows into overdrive while mouthing, ‘Some people!’ ...before returning to her snack.

My sympathy was entirely with the man (I’m not being sexist either) having been there myself many times.

Most of us try to be there for our friends, bur some friends take us for granted.  We look around for someone to be there for us when we most need to talk to someone about something that is tearing us apart...and there is no one there; everyone is too busy with their own problems to even consider that we may have problems of our own. After all, we are ‘strong’ and can take care of ourselves; we don’t need anyone. Well, the chances are they are so wrong, and one day they well may look to their ‘strong’ friend for customary support only to discover that that he or she has crumbled under the pressure of disillusionment and the convenient corner shop is closed for repairs.

Some people are naturally strong and others have strength thrust upon them by personal battles hard won. But strong or less strong, we should never forget we are all but human, and much the same basic human needs apply to everyone. Sometimes we have to put our own needs first or we are likely to be of little use to anyone, least of all ourselves. 

WARNING: PERSONAL SPACE, CLOSED FOR REPAIRS

I am but fragile

where seen as firm, fearless,

appearing strong,

no one suspecting differently

until I am stretched

as far as nature will carry me,

only to be exposed

for an illusion of the kind

feeding on dreams

I deceive no one,

but try to do the right thing

by family and friends,

be there at the right times,

lending a shoulder

to cry on, an ear to listen,

a take on how things

might change for the better

sooner or later

I am but human,

(with needs, too, of my own)

that often despairs

of finding no one there

or shoulder to cry on,

an ear to listen (for long)

or take on ending

this feeling of endless freefall

into empty words

I am the friend

trying to do the right thing,

at the right times,

lend a shoulder to cry on,

an ear to listen,

provide a take on how we

might set about

changing things for the better,

sooner or later

Handle me with care;

even close friends can weary

of being taken

for granted time and again;

no shoulder to cry on

or ear to listen for needing

to take up a little

of someone else’s private space

closed for repairs

Copyright R. N. Taber 2012

Engaging with Mirrors

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

It is not unusual for me to hear from readers - especially young people - torn between love of family and a respect for a culture in which the family may well have its origins, but which for them, as 21st century girls and boys, men and women living in the 21st century, has increasingly less relevance.

Nor is it only tough for gay people whose culture of origin may be intrinsically homophobic, Many more young people feel hogtied by certain traditions that are, to say the least, anachronisms in the modern world.

There are no easy answers, and I am not surprised that many young people, feeling unable to  choose between their family and the way of life they would prefer to follow, continue to pay lip service to this or that anachronism while desperately seeking a compromise. [I have often wondered why ‘compromise’ is often considered a dirty word when it is not infrequently a far better path to follow than where no one is prepared to compromise at all.]

No one should be made to feel they must choose between family and the life they want for themselves. Love sometimes means letting people go. Family members can show no greater love for their children or siblings than by trusting them to make their own way in life even if, in the light of their own upbringing, they may not quite approve.

Every generation needs to break free of family ties that bind. Invariably, by doing so, those same tied reassert themselves even more strongly than before.

We are not a world of clones (yet) so let’s all make the most of who we are and not only  encourage loved ones to do the same, but take pride in their doing so.

Yes, yes, I know I have said much the same thing more than once on the blogs and doubtless shall do so again. Regular readers may well recall that I often cite my mother’s pointing out to a young Roger T that ‘if something is worth saying, it is always worth repeating.’

ENGAGING WITH MIRRORS

Looking in my mirror, all I can see
is a tear-stained face grimacing at me,
mouthing questions I can’t ignore
though asked them many times before

A still, small voice demands of me
I walk tall, be confident in my sexuality,
forget compromise as a real choice,
but make a stand, give integrity a voice

I tell the mirror, ‘That’s all very well,
and I agree I might just as well be in hell
for this pain and fear like a fire in me,
but what will I find if I walk tall, go free?’

‘What if people choose to reject me
and I lose the love and respect of family,
friends, work colleagues, everyone…
lose face within my culture and religion?’

‘What chance of getting them to see
I didn’t choose my sexuality, it chose me,
and I’m the same person I was before
I chose truth, a refugee in lies no more?’

‘Follow your instincts,’ says the mirror,
though family, friends, creed and culture;
put love and peace to the ultimate test,
or how else can they, in you, find rest?’

‘Trust me,’ mouths the mirror, ‘A world
for whom respect seems so shallow a word
when it comes to healing its differences
will one day need to reassess its priorities.’

Dare I do as the mirror says in good faith,
knowing I so long to go its way, take a path
pointing me plainly in the right direction,
where I follow the rhetoric of deception?

Family and friends looking out for one another,
care you enough for me to see-hear my mirror?

Copyright R. N. Taber. 2012; 2013

[Note: An earlier draft (under the title 'It's Done with Mirrors') appears in Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]