Alternatives OR My Life, My Choices (No one Else's)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem is from my gay-interest blog archives for September 2010.

Several readers have contacted me about my poem 'Only Human' about the guilt many Catholics are made to feel for being gay. Opinion was divided for and against and only marginally the former. One person wrote, ‘…you should be ashamed of yourself for attacking the Holy Father, you along with gay and transgender s**t heads everywhere. As for saying you are not disrespectful of religion, it is not the impression anyone would have from reading your blogs. How dare you share your sick mind and spirit with others…?’

Well, the reader is entitled to his or her opinion of course…and so am I. I have always thought it's a great pity more people aren’t prepared to agree to differ rather than insult or fight each other.

Meanwhile…

Most people who wrote in were sympathetic to my point of view whether or not they agreed with it. One person, though, said ‘It is typical of a gay man to turn his back on God. Go on, admit it. You would be too ashamed to face Him…that’s why you can’t handle religion, because you know God disapproves of your lifestyle.’

Oh, dear, Roger’s in hot water again…

For a start, I certainly don’t believe it is ‘typical’ of a gay man or woman to turn their backs on God; many gay people have succeeded in reconciling their sexuality with their religion in spite of innumerable obstacles placed in their paths by the less enlightened among heterosexual family members and friends, not to mention religious leaders who use religion not only as an excuse but also as a weapon to defend their bigotry.

While I take issue with many aspects of religion, I respect all those who are prepared to enter into its basic humanitarian rather than just theological principles; that is to say, keep an open mindedness and open heartedness without which dogma and ritual are little more than play acting.

Everyone is entitled to believe in what or whom they will or nothing and no one at all. But lose our capacity for humanity and its respect for those with whom we can but agree to differ and we may well find ourselves but play acting in the longest running soap opera of all…

There are always alternatives, even if only sometimes rock and hard place. Moreover, maturity entitles us to make our own choices, not have them made for us by those who like to think they always know what’s best for us, and for whom the sum total of those same alternatives is invariably their ultimate nemesis.

We don't have a choice about being gay, it has to be in the genes or there would be no accounting for gay people worldwide from all manner of socio-cultural-religious backgrounds. No, choice comes if, how and when we decide to openly acknowledge being gay or live a lie. Some societies make this all but impossible, in which those circumstances, it may well be enough to acknowledge our sexuality to ourselves and those closest to us (who may need a little time to get used to the idea). Meanwhile, those gay people who have the moral courage to go a step further and knock on that gay-unfriendly society's door  to be let in deserve our praise, admiration and gratitude since that is the only way bigotry will be defeated.

ALTERNATIVES or MY LIFE, MY CHOICES (NO ONE ELSE'S)

I looked for God in heaven
but did not find Him there,
looked again, in sun and rain
for Earth Mother

Some say it’s, oh, so pagan,
as bad as being gay;
I just see myself as someone
looking nature’s way

God is many things to many,
interpreting His conditions
for the good of all humanity
according to its religions

The sun rises, sets, rises again
and no one takes issue
nor that moon and stars shine
or songbirds sleep as we do

Let nature sue for harmony,
hear our confessions,
and we feed less on acrimony
spread by world religions

To wake, sleep and wake again
may or may not imply rebirth
and, yes, each to his or her own
but we share a common earth

Who looks for God in heaven
and does not find Him there
has but to look in sun and rain
for Earth Mother

See, too, nature assert its power
where humankind gone too far

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008

[Note: From: Tracking the Torchbearer: poems by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012; revised ed. in e-format in preparation.]

Love, a Joy Forever

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This post/poem is from my gay-interest blog archives for September 2010.

A reader, ‘Ron’, has contacted me to say he enjoys my general blog and took up my invitation in yesterday’s post to take a look at my gay-interest blog. ‘…and what do I find,’ he complains, ‘but 'Icon' which has to be about as gay rubbish a poem as you can get.’ Well, maybe Ron… but haven’t you ever eyed up a pretty woman in much the same way? The principle is the same, and where’s the harm? It is, after all, true what they say. A thing of beauty is a joy forever, and a beautiful man or woman is likely to leave a lasting impression on mind, body, and spirit....whether Memory chooses to acknowledge it or not.

Meanwhile…

This poem has been slightly revised from the original as it appears in my collection and on the blog (July 2009). It has been requested by ‘Caroline for my partner Megan’ and also by ‘Cliff for my partner Des.’ Another request comes from ‘Granny K’ for her granddaughter, Louise who will be celebrating a civil partnership with Simone on Simone’s birthday coming up soon. [How wonderful to hear from someone of the older heterosexual generation who can be genuinely happy for a gay couple!]  Here's a BIG hug for you and all my readers.

(Photos taken from the Internet)

Now, for sure, true love (gay or straight) truly is a thing if beauty to be cherished, and where duly nurtured, a joy forever ...

LOVE, A JOY FOREVER

When I am with you,
the world seems a better place
by far. I frame your face
in tender hands (no need to
catch a falling star)
and all my wishes come true;
my life with you is blessed
(I knew it that time we kissed
after a mad dash
in pouring rain, and missed
the last bus home)

My dream is yours, the future.
ours to savour, like
a subtle flavouring of herbs
in the plainest fare;
no greater thrill, ever, than
our arms homing in
upon each other, warmth
like a dove’s down
filling us, your lips like petals
waking to a glorious
new dawn, whispering
a first love story
of our own, hearts beating
as one

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2010

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'A Joy Forever' in  First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

Telling it Straight

http://www.youtube.com/user/rogerNtaber

This poem can be found in  my gay-interest poetry blog archives for December 2012.

I will not be posting poems from any blog archives after today, but visitors are welcome to explore them on either or both blogs; archives go back ten years and are listed on the right hand side of any blog page. Meanwhile, I will continue to post new poems as and when I write them, but am giving priority to creating revised editions of my six poetry collections for readers to access online. This will take some time as I am very unwell these days although, as always, staying positive and looking on the bright side of life. Enjoy the archives, and if you know any poetry lovers feel feel free to recommend, everyone welcome.

I received an email some time ago - one of many - from the parent of a gay person who feels somehow 'to blame' for their being gay. In the sense that I believe sexuality is in the genes, I suppose this may be (very) loosely true. But gay people gave a choice. Most of us could live a 'straight' life if that's what we want for ourselves, and some do. Just because a man is gay, doesn't mean he can't have sex with a woman. Similarly, lesbians might prefer intimacy with other women, but that doesn't mean they can't have sex with a man.

Society - even these days - doesn't make the choice an easy one. Gay men and women may have to give other people time to get used to the idea, especially family and friends (unaware of the struggle going on within us) who may feel hurt that you hadn't confided in them sooner.

Despite positive legislation, being 'out' in the workplace can be just as tough, especially if you work with children and young people. So many misleading, outdated and offensive stereotypes continue to attach themselves to gay people, particularly gay men. We are not perverts and, for the record, paedophilia is not - nor has ever been - synonymous with homosexuality. Most gay people get on well with children and young people (possibly because they too know - only too well - the frustration of feeling misunderstood and/or patronised). Invariably there will be a few exceptions (aren't there to every rule?) that grab the attention of the media. So it is that stereotype continues to be piled on stereotype...

Blame implies guilt. Gay people have nothing to feel guilty about. Nor have their parents.

Guilt is a destructive force. Once it strikes, you have battles royal on your hands. You win some, you lose some. The important thing is to focus on winning the war. I lost one major battle many years ago and it led to a nervous breakdown. But I survived. Moreover, in doing so, I learned a lot about human nature, including my own.

There are a LOT of GOOD people in the world ready to believe the better of people, not the worst. True, I still suffer from depression. But people had faith in me at a time when I had none in myself. I cannot let them down.

One of the reasons for my breakdown was that I had not confronted my sexuality head-on. Oh, I had gone around the mulberry bush a few times and been in and out of the closet like a jack-in-a-box. But you cannot make a choice about something unless you face up to it and explore the implications. It was a long, hard process. I like to think I have come through it a better person. Certainly, I discovered a sense of spirituality that religion never gave me. This, too, helps me rise above depression and get on with my life…not as gay person, but as a person who just happens to be gay. No excuses, and none needed. No one to blame, it's a fact of life. Gay people aren't perfect, but who is?

TELLING IT STRAIGHT 

They told me being gay I would regret,

that I should take the conventional road

so family, friends, and people I met

wouldn’t be offended or get tongue-tied

The onus was on me to realise

an obligation to society,

rendering to Caesar what is Caesar’s

rather than courting impropriety

Having listened to all they had to say

and seen how some straight people carry on,

I beg to differ - it’s not being gay

that’s letting, dragging society down

Among the world’s worst and saddest vices,

something said about stones and glasshouses

[From: A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]

  

Finding Love, No Holds Barred

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem is taken from my gay-interest blog archives for April 2015. (Yes,I am working on a new poem, but also struggling with health problems; the latter tend to go with the territory at 70+ however hard we try to keep looking on the bright side of life.😉

Regular readers will know that, while there is an autobiographical thread in many of my poems, just as many others have their origins in conversations I have enjoyed with various people in bars, on trains, even at bus stops. This poem takes me back to a delightful evening I once spent in the company of two young Catholics on holiday from Rome who were refreshingly unafraid to embrace God and each other…

Regular readers will also know that I am not a religious person; although raised a Christian, I found a sense of spirituality in nature that failed me in religion. At the same time, I respect anyone’s religious beliefs while refusing to believe that any God worthy of the name would hold a person’s sexuality against them, whatever their religion. Moreover, I reached this conclusion long before I realised or acknowledged (even to myself) that I am gay.

It saddens me greatly that, even in this 21^st Century, many gay people across the world feel obliged to choose between family, religion, and sexuality if only for appearances sake.

FINDING LOVE, NO HOLDS BARRED

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two people tossed two coins

for the same dream, neither expecting

their lives might yet change

for the better, override generations

of secrets and lies

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two people eagerly flirted

with the same dream if not believing

their hearts might yet shape it

the way of all good things, overriding

its secrets and lies

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two people engaged

with the same dream, hiding tears

for years of battling

to reconcile faith in a God of Love

with secrets and lies

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two people all but denied

the same dream, neither daring

to give desire its head,

acknowledge its passion, run a gamut

of secrets and lies

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two people sought hope

in ripples slowly but surely lending 

the same dream

graceful flight far above and beyond

any secrets and lies

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two people acknowledged

each other, visibly edging closer

to the same dream,

soaring with doves expressing despair

with secrets and lies

At a fountain in the heart of Rome,

two gay people began

a journey that would one day free them

to make their dream a reality

where no God of Love rejects anyone

for their sexuality

Copyright R. N. Taber 2015

Children of the Willow

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem appears in my gay-interest poetry blog archives for February 2011.

Update (October 2013): I have added poem and video to my You Tube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIovJI_lQGc

[If the link does not work, go to my channel and search under title at:

http://www.youtube.com/rogerNtaber 

Another young reader who tells me he (or she?) attends a Faith school (I don't know of which persuasion) has asked me how I can be sure that same sex relationships are not a mortal sin. All I can say is that my instincts tell me so. I have to trust my instincts (don’t we all?) or I’d almost certainly revert to the psychological and emotional mess I was as a teenager many years ago when same sex relationships were a criminal offence here in the UK. [I am 65 now, having survived more 'slings and arrows of outrageous fortune' than I care to dwell upon.]

Each and every one of us must make our own choices, trust our deeper instincts and make our own way in life. It can be a lonely journey sometimes.

While the support of family and friends cannot be underestimated, it isn’t always there and then the going gets really rough. It may be small comfort to my young reader but reassuring perhaps to say that tens of thousands of gay (and straight) people world-wide are frequently daunted by the maze we call life. Few of us find the centre. The trick is to have as much fun as possible while looking.

Regular readers will know that, while I respect anyone’s Faith, I have no faith in religion. It is my choice and I am convinced it would have been even if I were not gay. Non-belief deserves respect too, doesn’t it? No less so, sexuality. These are, after all, expressions of a person’s individual identity. As I have said on previous posts, we are not, thank goodness, a race of clones...yet.

Until there is open, intelligent, unbiased discussion of LGBT issues in schools, many young gay people will continue to anguish over their awakening sexuality. It is high time  Head Teachers (not only in the UK but worldwide) saw to it that ' education' lived up to its name; it is not all about preparing for examinations. Human Rights must have a place on the curriculum, surely?


CHILDREN OF THE WILLOW

I can hear a songbird calling me
far, far away,
in the bosom of a willow tree
where we used to play;
the songbird, it reminds me
how far, far away,
we children of the willow tree
grew up scared and gay;
the songbird, it’s assuring me
though far, far away,
my love waits by the willow tree
where long ago we lay

The willow tree, it’s calling me
far, far away,
the shackles of world bigotry
all but cast away;
the willow tree, it reminds me
of all we (finally) dared say
to enlighten friends and family
about love, pure and gay;
the willow tree, it’s assuring me
we shall win the day
where songbirds sing of liberty
for lovers scared and gay

A world, the poorer for its bigotry,
is ignorant of nature’s way;
on a learning curve, every society
whose lovers straight or gay,
for somewhere there’s a willow tree
far, far, away,
w here a songbird is singing sweetly
for lovers scared and gay;
may they, like us, find sanctuary
and the words to say,
such is nature’s take on spirituality
it is no sin to be gay

Copyright R. N. Taber 2011

Overheard in a Cafe (A Sign of the Times?)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem reflects just what its title suggests, a conversation overheard in a café. I have included it in my new collection. I came away from that cafe feeling more than a little relieved that I am not alone in finding the various world religions divisive.

Societies force-feed us religion from childhood. It is reassuring to know that some people manage to take the better (kinder, more compassionate?) elements of religion while sidelining the rest, breaking away from the dogma while retaining its spirituality in the way they take other people as they find them...without rushing to judgment as so many religious-minded folks are inclined. It is not religion that is at fault, but many of those who preach it, selecting to home in on whatever suits their own agenda; an agenda that may well have far less to do with religion than its founders intended.

Let's be clear here. I am not knocking religion, only those who use it to their own advantage, frequently feeding a desire for influence and power that is contrary to all the principles upon which faith and religion are meant to turn.

It is to their credit that a good many followers of this or that religion are by no means as gullible as their self-styled leaders appear to believe, proving that religion does not have to be as divisive as their so-called 'betters' paradoxically insist.

As for me, regular readers will know only too well that I take my spirituality from nature.

(Image taken from the Internet)

  

OVERHEARD IN A CAFÉ (A SIGN OF THE TIMES?)

What would we do without religion,

where would we be?

For a start, we’d have a kinder world,

less bigotry

What would we do without religion

telling us what to say?

For a start, commonsense might just

win the day

What would we do without religion

putting us in our place?

For a start, love and peace, not about

saving face

What would we do without religion,

no God to blame?

For a start, a common humanity living

up to its name

Where would we be without religion

separating us out,

Holy Books vying with each other to

put us right?

Where would we be without religion

promising salvation

for all the guilt, despair and grief

it feeds upon?

Where would we be without religion,

what would we have done?

For a start, arguing over some other

rhetorical question

Yes, waiter, more tea and cakes please

and…any answers?

[From: On The Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

An Affair To Remember

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

[Update, Sept 19, 2019: Today, the British Library confirmed that the link below to my 4th plinth reading in 2009 is no longer available as the video is incompatible with an updated IT system. However, I am assured that the video still exists, and B L hope to make it available to the public again one day. Fingers crossed, and watch this space.] RNT

The hormone therapy is doing an excellent job of controlling my prostate cancer, but tiring me out this week, not least because I have to keep getting up during the night to visit the toilet!

Incidentally, many thanks to the reader in Germany who contacted me in response to my fiction blog:

http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.com/

Meanwhile...

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my poetry reading on the 4th plinth in London’s Trafalgar Square, July 14th 2009 between 8.00 pm -9.00 pm GMT. I have to confess I forgot the date (never the experience) until a friend reminded me.

It seems like only yesterday that I felt privileged to be able to make a contribution to Antony Gormley’s One & Other ‘living sculpture’ project; 2,400 ordinary people from various backgrounds and parts of the UK were given global coverage for one hour 24/7 for 100 days. The entire web stream is now archived at the British Library, and you may care to access my contribution at:

http://www.webarchive.org.uk/wayback/archive/20100223121732/oneandother.co.uk/participants/Roger_T   [NB: Sept 19, 2019 - The British Library confirmed today that he video is no longer available as it was incompatible with a new IT system, However, it still exists and BL hope to reinstate it and make it available to the public again at some future date.] RNT

I was very nervous about including LGBT-interest poems, especially as there had been a wave of serious attacks in the London area in recent times (a disquieting trait that continues to haunt gay men) but was delighted to receive emails, phone calls and letters of support from gay and straight people alike from the UK and overseas. More importantly, it was good to know that some people appreciate me as a poet with many interests and needing to tackle many themes, among which gay issues are, yes, important to me as a gay man, but no more or less so as a poet than love, nature, spirituality, peace; in what’s going on across the world just as much as what’s happening around me. Poetry is not just about pretty verses or playing clever mind games with language.

Moreover, what has sexuality to do with any aspect of the arts?

I see myself as a poet who happens to be gay rather than a gay poet; there is a subtle difference. At the same time, of course I am not going to ignore gay identity, certainly not because a selection of bigots or learned critics say I should because I am not important enough and some readers might be offended! [Oh, yes, they do.] Besides, if I am not important enough, why should anyone give a damn anyway?

Whatever, my hour on the 4th plinth on a global web-stream did wonders for my self-confidence and self-esteem at a time when I was seriously considering abandoning writing altogether. It also gave me the kind of inner strength that is helping me through treatment for prostate cancer and taking a lot of the fear and worry away (not all, by any means!) about whether or not I have made the right decision to have hormone therapy after changing my mind about radiotherapy.

So, yes, I am greatly indebted to those who gave me the opportunity to perform on the 4th plinth two years ago.

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

A scenic path into history
(flowers on a plinth in sun and rain)
ordinary or extraordinary

Art reflecting community,
the like (quite) of which never again;
a scenic path into history

A way of seeing all humanity
(inner ear and eye driven to home in)
ordinary or extraordinary

Statues, stepped out of a gallery
celebrating a diversity of population;
a scenic path into history

Treading on dreams but gently,
persevering with the ultimate question,
ordinary or extraordinary?

A feel for comedy and tragedy
(art’s bitter-sweet affair with Creation);
a scenic path into history,
ordinary or extraordinary

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

[Note: From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]