Love in all its Rainbow Hues

 

From Roger’s friend, Graham

Growing up is challenging enough, even without the burden of stigmatisation for loving someone of the same gender. There’s room for improvement here in Britain, but generally LGBT+ citizens have equal rights enshrined by law. In places of employment (excepting religious organisations) discrimination on the grounds sexuality or gender identity is illegal. Since the Civil Partnership Act in 2004, same sex couples can join in a legally recognised partnership. And after the UK Marriage Act in 2013, LGBT+ couples are able to marry.

Marriage is perhaps the ultimate expression of love for those fortunate enough to find a soulmate. It’s also a declaration of love to family, friends and beyond. For couples with religious faith, it’s a sacred vow of love with God as their witness.

Love is also a scintillating rainbow of sentiments. Greek philosophers Plato and Aristotle wrote of a whole spectrum of emotions such as friendship love; philia, familial love; storge and passionate love; éros. Greek mythology also abounds with inspirational tales of profound and tragic love such as Orpheus and Eurydice. Love can be the light of your life - or the heart of your darkness…

Roger explores these epic themes expansively throughout his writing. Sometimes in sonnet form - popularised in Elizabethan England by William Shakespeare and his contemporaries. (I hope to explore this theme in a later posting). His printed works often devote a section to the theme of love. They are, doubtless, poems interwoven with personal experience.

Roger and I occasionally discussed past relationships and compared notes on our respective missed opportunities, dashed hopes and even disasters. Alas for Rog, he wasn’t lucky enough to find a long-term partner. Although I believe his romantic soul never lost hope in meeting someone special.

In later life, I feel assured that Roger derived fulfilment through the reciprocal love of close friendships. Can this be enough to sustain anyone in the absence of a partner, estrangement from family or societal ostracisation? I imagine we’d all have a differing answer. Throughout my own voyage of self-discovery, friendship has certainly proven to be the most unconditional form of love. An enduring bond with Roger remains testament to that.

 

*  *  *

 

‘Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.’ Dalai Lama

‘Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.’ Voltaire

‘Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.’ Oscar Wilde

 

*  *  *

 

I’ll leave you with a trio of love poems – all from Accomplices to Illusion, Roger’s 2007 collection. I should explain that I’m staying with family presently - with only one book for source material. Wiltshire offers a welcome change of scenery. Tall oak trees surround the house. Their upper branches sweep back and forth like an artist’s frantic brushstrokes on a grey-marbled canvas. I look out on the small garden; the colours of shrubs diluted under a dull watercolour sky. A crow flies past; its hoarse cry breaking the mesmeric spell of birdsong. It fades to a black smudge on a watery treeline.

Thanks for reading.

 

*  *  *

 

NIGHT WATCH

I have greeted chimes at midnight
lain half dead at the toll for one
as my lifeblood ebbs to a starlight
behind clouds, watch all but done

I have heard the clock ticking over
for the passing of happy hours…
nor shall, when it stops, run for cover
but embrace a time forever ours

I have heard sweet songs at sunrise,
watched the last stars slip away,
seen my life’s light bright in your eyes
promise a beautiful spring day

As nature pauses at stark winter’s cold
so lovers dream, beyond a growing old

 

Copyright R N. Taber 2007 [a sonnet].

 

*  *  *

 

BONDING WITH ETERNITY

It was love opened up my heart
to all life means to me…
nor shall death its bonding part

Sands of time, soulmates at the start,
a song of destiny;
it was love opened up my heart

May the world no finer truths impart
than its natural beauty;
nor shall death its bonding part

Like summer skies, stars, even clouds
charting a fragile humanity…
it was love opened up my heart

If a taste on the tongue sweet or tart,
our togetherness a delicacy;
nor shall death its bonding part

Be nature’s kin struck by poison dart
comprising all humanity…
it was love opened up my heart
nor shall death its bonding part

 

Copyright R N. Taber 2007 [a villanelle].

 

*  *  *

 

WEATHERING LOVE

When I dream of you it is a springtime
of high hopes I’ll not forget

When I think of you it is midsummer,
(that rainy day we first met)

When I speak of you, each word is like
an autumn leaf that’s falling

When I hear your name on another’s lips
it’s but a winter robin calling

At nature’s whims, a beauty, each its own
though we weather it alone…

 

Copyright R N. Taber 2007.

Waking Up to Love

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

As I have pointed out many times on the blog, love comes in all shapes and sizes in both natural and human worlds, nor less natural in the latter for its being of an LGBT persuasion; sexuality is not a choice, but one of many elements of life and love that comprise the mind-body-spirit that makes us who we are.

In the past, many LGBT folks have been despised and become victims of prejudice and hate, not unlike many from ethnic minorities, albeit for reasons of race rather than sexuality, but no less horrible for that.

Even within similar arenas, prejudice has been (and still is) known to spread like a pandemic with which millions of people have been infected over centuries, relatively few given so much as a mention by name in any history book... even as history continues to write us up as its authors see (or don't see) its bigger picture.

As regular readers well know, I also have a gay-interest poetry blog which, like my fiction blog, can be accessed from this one. Tragically, such is the level of prejudice against LGBT folks in various societies,  communities and families worldwide that some dare nor risk accessing any such material that might 'incriminate' them; a tragedy, yes, because no one should have to live in fear or who (yes who, not what they are) as they struggle to make a life for themselves.  

The good news is that more LGBT folks across the world are having to struggle less to make their voices heard; the bad news is that far too many are still left struggling, not least due to the sheer hypocrisy of world religions that preach love, but only as recognised by their own criteria; anything else is seen as something to be condemned, as if any religion has a monopoly on spirituality.

If one person can learn to respect another person for who they are (whatever their faith,  or colour of their skin) why can't everyone?  Whatever happened to agreeing to differ?

Oh, and yes, this poem also appears on my gay-interest blog today so daresay I will be receiving the usual troll emails...which I will, of course, ignore. 😉

"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to hate so stubbornly is  because they sense, once it is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain." - James Baldwin

WAKING UP TO LOVE

There's a tree in a field
that sings me a love song
every time I'm sitting
when, where it rises from the ground;
listen, and you'll hear...
the words of a love song hanging
on a dream lost and found

By a tree in a field,
we wrote our first love song,
bodies entwining
as we lay there on the ground,
sharing with the birds
such joy, such passion, hanging
on a dream lost and found

There's a tree in a field
that watched us kiss and part,
not daring to believe
as we lay there on the ground
how gay love might yet
survive a world left but hanging
on dreams lost and found

To a tree in a field,
we returned to live a love song,
bodies entwining
as we lay there on the ground,
sharing with the birds
such joy, such passion, a waking
dream lost and found

Copyright R. N. Taber 2012; slightly rev. 2021

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in my collection, Tracking the Torchbearer by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2012.]

Dog Roses OR N-a-t-u-r-e (All-inclusive) Life Forces

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's poem first appeared on the blogs (in a slightly different form) in 2013. It was not long, though, before I deleted it from my general blog after a lot of abusive emails, but have re-posted it on both blogs today (Feedback continues to suggest that few gay readers dip into both blogs.)

In the language of flowers, dog roses mean pleasure mixed with pain.

It was after writing today’s  poem in 1991 that I began writing my novel Dog Roses: a gay man’s rites of passage that is serialised on my fiction blog:

http://rogertaberfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/dog-roses-chapter-one_14.htm

  

Few of my novels have appeared in print form as I was never able to interest a literary agent, but I always enjoyed writing them (albeit a struggle sometimes) and wanted to share them. To be honest, I did not expect the fiction blog to last long, but have been very encouraged by a growing readership and positive feedback over several years - from gay and straight readers alike - for both my gay-interest and general novels. Why do I write both general and gay-interest material?  Well, not least because I get fed-up with people who, once they realise a person is gay, choose to see no further than that; gay or straight, there is far more to all of us than our sexuality.

Being gay has never overly influenced my reading tastes. I enjoy (and write) gay as well as straight poetry and fiction. I used to be an avid reader, although less so now. Moreover, as regular readers will know, writing has always been an essential form of creative therapy for me; essential for my general well-being, that is, as I have suffered with depression since childhood. Now, at 70, it continues to sustain me and keeps my little grey cells ticking over; not just because I enjoy it, but also because it serves as a welcome distraction from living with mobility problems (since a bad fall in 2014) and prostate cancer (diagnosed in 2011). I did not expect to be growing old alone, without a partner, but I have some good friends, my blogs and blog readers ... and my writing; it is more than enough to keep me looking on the bright side of life.

Now, most of us find ourselves at a crossroads at least once in our lives, sometimes more often. Decisions to make. Which way to go, and what if...? Being gay is not a choice; we are as we are. The choice lies in whether or not we come out to family and friends, look the world in the eyes as a gay person or choose to remain in the proverbial closet; the latter can be a dark, lonely place as I discovered for myself until I finally got real and 'came out' in my late 30's although it took a nervous breakdown to make me see that it was a case of get real or stay lost.

The poem first appeared  in an anthology, Inspiring Minds, Poetry Now (Forward Press) 1999 and subsequently in my first major collection; the alternative title has been added since..

DOG ROSES or  N-A-T-U-R-E (ALL-INCLUSIVE) LIFE FORCES

Dog roses

at the crossroads, twin journeys begin;

a scent of wild desire

smouldering...

within each savage breast,

despairing rest

Choices to make, promises

to break

Dog roses

filling our senses with glad times past;

catching up the moon,

sun setting fast,

teasing our desire,

fire with fire

Choices delayed, promises

put aside

Dog roses

at the crossroads, twin journeys begin;

a scent of wild desire

smouldering...

within each savage breast,

despairing rest

Children of Spring, born of nature,

deserving better

Copyright R. N. Taber 2001, rev. 2020

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Love and Human Remains by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2001.]

Nothing to Prove

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This entry is from my gay-interest poetry blog archives for July 2012. I will publish two new poems here one New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, and then only now and again during 2020 while I concentrate on compiling revised editions of my poetry collections - and a brand new collection - for publishing online. Meanwhile, feel free to rediscover poems among the archives for either or even both blogs...

“The only problem I have with being gay,” a much younger Roger Taber once confided to a friend, is that you always feel you have something to prove.

“Bollocks!” retorted my friend with feeling, “Love, affection, friendship...these things have nothing to prove, they just are... What does being gay having anything to do with it?”

Now, is that naive or wise? I know which answer I go for...

This poem is a villanelle.

NOTHING TO PROVE

What is it about love,

breaking our every fall?

Nothing to prove

In dark skies above,

listen for its mating call;

(What is it about love?)

Like hand to glove,

poetry to nature’s spell,

nothing to prove

Songbirds above,

taking us where we will;

(What is it about love?)

Where hunters have

well-honed eyes for a kill,

nothing to prove?

Take hand from glove,

watch it wither, as it will;

What is it about love?

Nothing to prove ...

[From: On the Battlefields of Love by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2010]

Christmas, Hall of Mirrors

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Yes, a new poem today, appearing on both poetry blogs.

We all like to think we have fewer flaws than the next person, but it is invariably true of many if not most of us. Let’s face it, human nature is flawed, not least because we often have reason to believe it has let is down, even failed us with its complex set-up of contradictions, deceptions and preoccupation with appearances. We can but do our best to overcome these, and most give it our best shot; sadly, this often falls short of its target or misses it altogether, not always our own fault, but down to our target being human and we human beings adept at misreading signs in any shape or form. Many a close relationship has failed dur to those concerned failing to see the bigger picture; indeed, often enough, any picture other than they expect to see it, regardless of how the other person’s expectations. Too few people talk things over, but prefer to think that appearances speak for themselves.  Oh, but appearances rarely do…

Now, what has this preamble got to do with Christmas? Well, as much as it has to do with daily life all year round, but more so because it is a religious celebration and religion I meant to be about love, peace, and goodwill to all, not just the select few that share and practise our own socio-cultural-religious views and/or approach to life and people. While sharing and caring bring people closer, it should not follow that ‘outsiders’ should be exempt from the caring aspect which, in my experience – especially as a gay man – if often the case.

Whatever, ENJOY the seasonal festivities whoever and wherever you are, regardless of religion, race or sexuality; like it or not, we are a common humanity, and more commonly flawed that many if not most of us care to admit, yours truly being no exception.

CHRISTMAS, HALL OF MIRRORS  

At Christmas past,

wary of all w
e might see. Memory Lane

not always the pleasure

we would have it be, certain moments

in time best left for dead

than revived, reawakened, reinvented,

turned into pulp fiction by a mind-body-spirit

arguing against redemption

At Christmas past,

revisiting ghosts, letting them stir us up

with wooden spoons,

mixing fairy tales, Santa Claus, and elves

into an indigestible fudge

of broken promises, missed opportunities,

playing blame games as leave mind-body-spirit

to filter the consequences

At Christmas past,

calling on ghosts to move on, leave us free

to travel Memory Lane

as it used to be, enjoy fun snowball fights

among long-ago peers,

gifts and fairy lights on Christmas trees,

messaging home comforts and joy to passers-by,

carollers, and rough sleepers

Christmas Here-and Now,

calling upon all we Children of Earth Mother

to embrace the twin spirits

of Peace and Goodwill, and play our part

(no matter big or small)

in showing the wariest and fragile of hearts

a global consciousness that needs must prioritise

an inclusive human kindness

Copyright R.N. Taber, 2019

Once Upon a Wiccan Yule

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today's entry is from my gay-interest poetry blog archives for December 2010.

One Christmas, a reader said he was disappointed that I was posting Christmas poems because 'everyone makes far too much of Christmas.' Ah, but my Christmas poems are more about the food for thought any religious festival gives us, and which applies all year round...or it should.

As for Santa, he may only visit once a year but I well recall a Wiccan man who made every day a time for celebration and thanksgiving for all life is rather than as we might wish it was...

Readers may or may not know that Wicca is a spiritual path originating in Britain that recognizes both a feminine and masculine element to the divine; it believes nature is sacred and should be protected. Apart from protecting the environment Wicca's central theme, called the 'Wiccan Rede' an abbreviation of which is commonly expressed as, 'If it does no harm, do your own will."

Stonehenge at the winter solstice (my birthday)

ONCE UPON A WICCAN YULE

At a time of Yule,

I well recall a Wiccan man
who showed me
how love can save the world
if anything can…
and although he would take me
to his bed
time and time again,
it would only
take a kiss, a hug even
or handshake
to help bring home a sense
of common humanity,
cause for celebration indeed
wherever the cap fits

Anything to dull
the pain I was feeling…
for those worse off
than us, excluded even
from Christmas,
whatever reason (or season)
culture, sexuality,
the darker side of memory
or simply separated
from friends and family,
no fault of their own
(unless but for being human)
since no time of year
can ever truly boast a monopoly
on loneliness

So let’s spare a thought
for the sick,
the lonely, and any cast out
for taking a direction
that doesn’t always follow
a convention;
in truth, the Wiccan man
showed me
it’s love can save the world
and its integrity
so long as its peoples respect
nature and each other,
through good times and bad,
regardless of colour, creed, sex
or sexuality

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007

A Christmas Blessing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Here's a Christmas poem/post from my gay-interest poetry archives for December 2010.

A reader has emailed to say I should not post Christmas poems because I am not a Christian. Indeed, I do not subscribe to any religion, yet I enjoy  a strong sense of spirituality that I take from nature; religion does not have a monopoly on spirituality. The human spirit is innate; what we do with it is down to us, our responsibility, no one else's. Moreover, I accept that Jesus of Nazareth was an historical figure, and his message of love and peace sets an example we would all do well to follow as best we can within the complex confines of human nature and certain self-perpetuating nemeses such as prejudice and hypocrisy, to name but two...

People often make wrong assumptions about older folks. [I’m getting on a bit now and people seem surprised that I can use a computer!] I will never forget how, some years ago, an elderly couple in their 80's were very kind to me when I was the victim of a homophobic attack; they were devoutly religious and knew I was gay but all that mattered to them that I needed help.

The point of this poem has little or nothing to do with Christmas, and was inspired by a true story told me by a friend some years ago. These days, many people’s attitudes have changed…but not all. In some countries, even here in the West, there are gay men and women too frightened to be openly gay for all sorts of reasons. Yes, I know I have said this many times before. But as my late mother used to say, if a thing is worth saying, it’s always worth repeating.

Those of us whose family, friends, school friends and workmates help us feel relaxed about being ‘out’ should not be complacent or assume it is the same for everyone. It is probably hardest for gay boys and girls still at school. I well remember the torment of having to come to terms with being gay on top of all the usual teenage angst, and sometimes wonder how on earth I managed to survive to adulthood at all!

Some ignorant people will always try to give gay folks a hard time. For my own part, I always like to point out that’s their problem, not mine. [That usually shuts them up.]

Yes, tragically, homophobia is alive and kicking. So whatever happened to Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all humankind? Nor is it just Christmas but other religious festivals, too, that are found wanting. Religion may well be about faith, ritual and prayer. But what is all that really worth if it loses sight of its humanity?

A CHRISTMAS BLESSING

They said it didn’t matter I’m gay,
seemed glad for me when I found you,
accepted us as a couple, for who
and what we are - and we were happy;
days, months, passed and nothing
happened to spoil our idyll although
as autumn slipped into winter
we noticed a subtle change in people
as hearts and minds began to focus
on Christmas – or did I only imagine
they looked away? I knew better
but put my faith in love to win the day

Suddenly, it seemed everyone was asking
everyone else what they had in mind
for Christmas except us, no one meaning
to be unkind, of course, but assuming
'that sort' would not expect an invitation
to any family celebration

Whenever we would venture to suggest
this or that, all we’d hear was,
‘Oh, we’d love to have you, of course
but, sorry, a full house this year;
Besides, you know how some old people
feel about gays and we don’t want
to spoil grandma’s Christmas do we?’
(said most sincerely.) So we anticipated
a quiet, loving time, just the two of us
till, days before Christmas, a phone call
from your grandmother just to say
she was looking forward to seeing you

‘Oh, and your partner too, of course.
Sadly, it was all very different in my day;
few people then found the courage
to walk tall, heads high, and openly gay.
You are truly blessed, for what it's worth
(as much to us as Peace on Earth)

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2010

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007.]

Know your Enemy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem is from my gay-interest blog archives from November 1913.

Political correctness is a good thing in many ways, but can be such a pain sometimes, responsible as it is for many people being afraid to say what they really think; in public, anyway. For example, I would rather know if someone is homophobic or how am I to know he or she is an enemy?  More importantly, how am I supposed to know, unless people are honest with me, that I need to encourage them to develop a more human, positive, responsible attitude towards gay people?  The chances are, they are still very hung up on outdated, misleading and invariably offensive stereotypes.

Gay or straight, there is a lot to be said for making a friend of an enemy; it has to be the best Public Relations ever gets on any field of play.  Ah, yes, but you have to know your enemy first.

Tragically, for many gay people around the world, it is (still) only too clear who the enemy is.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY 

Some people say there can be no safe haven

for gay men and women in a place (or metaphor)

they think of as ‘Heaven’

Some people say no God would ever tolerate

the kind of so-called ‘sin’ perpetrated by the likes  

of gay men and women

Some people say Holy Books are a measure

of spirituality compensating for any open-minded

take on homosexuality

So who are they that so love to pit humankind

against its own on the grounds of this socio-culture

or that religion?

So who are they who rail against those gay men

and women who are but as we are, and by nature’s

rule not ours?

So who are they who say they side with doves

of peace, and then go to war with such honourable

intentions?

Let them speak who claim to know how God

will have his way with men and women who happen

to be gay

Let them speak who would rail against those

of us who are gay, and don’t let political correctness

win the day

Let them speak who say gays cannot be forgiven

for, oh, such a sin on the grounds of this socio-culture

or that religion

No matter who or where, all humankind deserves

a voice, gay folks too, each of us gifted with a feeling

for freedom

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2011

Love, a Joy Forever

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This post/poem is from my gay-interest blog archives for September 2010.

A reader, ‘Ron’, has contacted me to say he enjoys my general blog and took up my invitation in yesterday’s post to take a look at my gay-interest blog. ‘…and what do I find,’ he complains, ‘but 'Icon' which has to be about as gay rubbish a poem as you can get.’ Well, maybe Ron… but haven’t you ever eyed up a pretty woman in much the same way? The principle is the same, and where’s the harm? It is, after all, true what they say. A thing of beauty is a joy forever, and a beautiful man or woman is likely to leave a lasting impression on mind, body, and spirit....whether Memory chooses to acknowledge it or not.

Meanwhile…

This poem has been slightly revised from the original as it appears in my collection and on the blog (July 2009). It has been requested by ‘Caroline for my partner Megan’ and also by ‘Cliff for my partner Des.’ Another request comes from ‘Granny K’ for her granddaughter, Louise who will be celebrating a civil partnership with Simone on Simone’s birthday coming up soon. [How wonderful to hear from someone of the older heterosexual generation who can be genuinely happy for a gay couple!]  Here's a BIG hug for you and all my readers.

(Photos taken from the Internet)

Now, for sure, true love (gay or straight) truly is a thing if beauty to be cherished, and where duly nurtured, a joy forever ...

LOVE, A JOY FOREVER

When I am with you,
the world seems a better place
by far. I frame your face
in tender hands (no need to
catch a falling star)
and all my wishes come true;
my life with you is blessed
(I knew it that time we kissed
after a mad dash
in pouring rain, and missed
the last bus home)

My dream is yours, the future.
ours to savour, like
a subtle flavouring of herbs
in the plainest fare;
no greater thrill, ever, than
our arms homing in
upon each other, warmth
like a dove’s down
filling us, your lips like petals
waking to a glorious
new dawn, whispering
a first love story
of our own, hearts beating
as one

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2010

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'A Joy Forever' in  First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

Wishing the World Love and Peace (Not just for Christmas)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

One of various Christmas poems I have written over the years, this post/poem is taken from my gay-interest poetry blog archives for December 2013. I subscribe to no religion yet the spirit of Christmas always touches me, and takes me down Memory Lane, especially perhaps as I was born on the winter solstice, just four days before Christmas Day...

The Christmas Peace of 1914 is legendary. On Christmas Eve 1914, men of the British Expeditionary Force (B.E.F.) heard German troops in the trenches opposite singing carols, spotted lanterns and small fir trees along their trenches. They started shouting messages to each other and the following day, British and German troops met in no man’s land to exchange gifts, take photographs and even play impromptu games of football. Tragically it made no difference to four more years of the war meant to end all wars…  

If Christmas and other religious festivals are about peace and love, why don’t we see more of it in everyday life? 

For those lovers (gay or straight) who have found both in a meaningful relationship with each other, family, and friends…ENJOY. 

For those lovers (gay or straight) who are less fortunate, ENJOY every precious moment with each other. 

Can there be any greater comfort and joy than love? For religious minded people, may they enjoy their festivals, but let’s all remember that religion has no more a monopoly grip on love than it has on the human spirit.

If Christmas and other religious festivals are about peace and love, why don’t we see more of it in everyday life?

For those (gay or straight) who have found both in a lasting, meaningful relationship with each other, family, and friends…ENJOY.

For those  (gay or straight) who are less fortunate, ENJOY every precious moment with each other.

Can there be any greater comfort and joy than love? For religious minded people, may they enjoy their festivals, but let’s all remember that religion has no more a monopoly grip on love than it has on the human spirit.

This poem is a villanelle.

WISHING THE WORLD LOVE AND PEACE (NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS)

One day, close to Christmas,

long, long, ago…

cock robin sang for us

Bigots had been unkind to us,

dealt a savage blow

one day, close to Christmas

Icy rain, camouflage for tears

we refused to show

cock robin sang for us

A kind snowman hid our fears

under a coat of snow;

one day, close to Christmas

In a time of gifts and promises

(prayers to follow?)

cock robin sang for us

Love, defying even wintry years
to chill us to the marrow;

one day, close to Christmas,

cock robin sang for us…

Copyright R. N. Taber 2008

Telling it Straight

http://www.youtube.com/user/rogerNtaber

This poem can be found in  my gay-interest poetry blog archives for December 2012.

I will not be posting poems from any blog archives after today, but visitors are welcome to explore them on either or both blogs; archives go back ten years and are listed on the right hand side of any blog page. Meanwhile, I will continue to post new poems as and when I write them, but am giving priority to creating revised editions of my six poetry collections for readers to access online. This will take some time as I am very unwell these days although, as always, staying positive and looking on the bright side of life. Enjoy the archives, and if you know any poetry lovers feel feel free to recommend, everyone welcome.

I received an email some time ago - one of many - from the parent of a gay person who feels somehow 'to blame' for their being gay. In the sense that I believe sexuality is in the genes, I suppose this may be (very) loosely true. But gay people gave a choice. Most of us could live a 'straight' life if that's what we want for ourselves, and some do. Just because a man is gay, doesn't mean he can't have sex with a woman. Similarly, lesbians might prefer intimacy with other women, but that doesn't mean they can't have sex with a man.

Society - even these days - doesn't make the choice an easy one. Gay men and women may have to give other people time to get used to the idea, especially family and friends (unaware of the struggle going on within us) who may feel hurt that you hadn't confided in them sooner.

Despite positive legislation, being 'out' in the workplace can be just as tough, especially if you work with children and young people. So many misleading, outdated and offensive stereotypes continue to attach themselves to gay people, particularly gay men. We are not perverts and, for the record, paedophilia is not - nor has ever been - synonymous with homosexuality. Most gay people get on well with children and young people (possibly because they too know - only too well - the frustration of feeling misunderstood and/or patronised). Invariably there will be a few exceptions (aren't there to every rule?) that grab the attention of the media. So it is that stereotype continues to be piled on stereotype...

Blame implies guilt. Gay people have nothing to feel guilty about. Nor have their parents.

Guilt is a destructive force. Once it strikes, you have battles royal on your hands. You win some, you lose some. The important thing is to focus on winning the war. I lost one major battle many years ago and it led to a nervous breakdown. But I survived. Moreover, in doing so, I learned a lot about human nature, including my own.

There are a LOT of GOOD people in the world ready to believe the better of people, not the worst. True, I still suffer from depression. But people had faith in me at a time when I had none in myself. I cannot let them down.

One of the reasons for my breakdown was that I had not confronted my sexuality head-on. Oh, I had gone around the mulberry bush a few times and been in and out of the closet like a jack-in-a-box. But you cannot make a choice about something unless you face up to it and explore the implications. It was a long, hard process. I like to think I have come through it a better person. Certainly, I discovered a sense of spirituality that religion never gave me. This, too, helps me rise above depression and get on with my life…not as gay person, but as a person who just happens to be gay. No excuses, and none needed. No one to blame, it's a fact of life. Gay people aren't perfect, but who is?

TELLING IT STRAIGHT 

They told me being gay I would regret,

that I should take the conventional road

so family, friends, and people I met

wouldn’t be offended or get tongue-tied

The onus was on me to realise

an obligation to society,

rendering to Caesar what is Caesar’s

rather than courting impropriety

Having listened to all they had to say

and seen how some straight people carry on,

I beg to differ - it’s not being gay

that’s letting, dragging society down

Among the world’s worst and saddest vices,

something said about stones and glasshouses

[From: A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005]

  

Cops, Queers and Caravaggio

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This poem is from my gay-interest blog archives for February 2012.

I was asked at the time to repeat the link to my poetry reading on the 4^th plinth in Trafalgar Square in July 2009; my contribution to sculptor Antony Gormley’s One  & Other ‘living sculpture’ project during which I read some of my gay-interest poems among others;the British Library has since confirmed that he video is no longer available as it was incompatible with a new IT system, However, it still exists and BL hope to reinstate it and make it available to the public again at some future date. Meanwhile, B L continues to archive my poetry blogs so that is welcome news.

The degree of homo-eroticism in much of Caravaggio's work and the fact that never married has led critics to speculate for years that he was probably gay, but ... who cares? At the end of the day, what has a person's sexuality to do with his or her character, skill or talent?

COPS, QUEERS, AND CARAVAGGIO 

We met in an art gallery,

enjoyed each other’s company

all day;

at his flat, we chatted over

coffee and, finally, he asked me

to stay;

although both nervous,

we made love, the two of us

in heaven...

nor just having fun;

good to be close to someone

again;

his mouth, warm and sensual;

an embrace far more than sexual

wanting me…

as more than a friend

but no mere means to an end

physically

He brought me breakfast

in bed and I turned a shade red

at his uniform;

I hadn’t asked about

his career, content just to be there

with him…

so it came as a shock

to see him dressed as a P.C.

for the beat;

tried to tell myself

it didn’t matter, heart all a-flutter

and cold feet;

at the door, a shy goodbye,

copper’s shirt and tie a brick

wall…

that crumbled with an embrace

as we saw, face to face, nothing

mattered at all

Lovers till he moved away;

friends to this day

Copyright R. N. Taber 2002; 2010

[Note: This poem has been (very) slightly revised since it appeared in First Person Plural by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2002.]

A Gay Bashing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This post/poem has been available on my gay-interest blog for a few years. I am repeating it here at the request of an overseas reader whose best friend was beaten to death by gang of homophobic thugs only last year. No witnesses have come forward so the perpetrators have not been identified.  To date, no one has been charged with the young man’s senseless murder.

Meanwhile, I know of at least one closet gay reader who has participated in n attack on another gay man because he did not want to lose face with his so-called 'friends'. (What is it with some societies that they continue to impose pressure on LGBT people to play chameleon rather than look the world in the eye as they are?)

Now, it is one of the many tragedies of modern life that there are (still) people and groups of people that are so screwed up as to want to see an gay or transgender person hurt, even dead.

Politics, religion, a common humanity…all have their part to play in getting the message across to certain pockets of society that gay and transgender folks are just ordinary people who want to be left to go about their daily lives in peace. How we like sex and with whom is our own business.

Does a perspective on how (or even if) we like sex loom large in our appreciation of society as a whole? Did I hear you answer, no? So why should it matter if a person is gay?

Gay people are not irreligious monsters, although some religions would (still) make us outcasts…or worse.

It is also a myth that gay people are paedophiles. Historically, the vast majority of paedophiles are screwed up heterosexuals.

So come on, you holier-than-thou brigade and you others too busy playing lip service to political correctness to see the wood for trees…give us gay people (among others, worldwide) a chance to prove our worth, yeah?

What’s that? Gay people have never had it so good, did you say?

In 76 countries, gay relationships are still a criminal offence and punishable by death in six. 

As with all forms of prejudice, the expression it takes is likely to turn on the socio-cultural-religious/ home-school-work environment in which people live…in a century that still has one hell of a lot to learn about love, peace, and a common humanity.

Gay bashing is not the only form of hate crime of course; none should be tolerated by decent people, local communities or countries worldwide.

 A GAY BASHING 

Found him late at night, bleeding 

in a street gutter, near dead

His fine features an ugly sight, 

white shirt turning red...

Called an ambulance, did all I could

to comfort, help ease his pain,

but it seemed a long time coming,

and he but barely breathing

as I struggled to speak, anxious

he stay awake, so scared 

for him that he close his eyes

never to hear a human voice again,

feel its warmth spread over him 

like my overcoat, not yells of abuse

chasing him down centuries,

spilling their ignorance and hate 

on streets much like this one

with more horrendous tales to relate

for any who care to listen

A light rain began to fall like tears

(a God of Love empathising?)

I, too, wept that he might even die

believing the world against him

and siding with its sick homophobes

even though a part of me knew

it was already too late - for them

as for him - given a world 

barely even paying lip service 

to LGBT folks in parts,

hearts sporting logos set in tablets

of stone, fronting public roles

that embrace liberality and equality

while inwardly egging on

the sheer bestiality of any criminality 

seen as justified wherever LGBT

spells SCUM, deserving no less,

no matter if (supposedly) we all of us

share a common humanity

Left near drowning in a sea of sirens, 

we'll yet draw strength from straws

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2019

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]