The Enemy Within

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”- Sylvia Plath

“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure 

“I had some ambition. I meant everything to be different with me. I thought I had more strength and mastery. But the most terrible obstacles are such as nobody can see except oneself.” - George Eliot. (Lydgate in Middlemarch)

“Nature knows no pause in progress and development, and attaches her curse on all inaction.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Now, I have been plagued by self-doubt all my life, not least for having been put down during my childhood for my perceptive deafness and a cleft palate resulting in a bad lisp. I managed the jokes at my expense with a ready sense of humour, appearing content to laugh at myself along with everyone else, no matter how I felt inside. It was not until early adult years that I would ne diagnosed with the perceptive deafness, which made a huge difference as would speech therapy to tackle the lisp. Knowing the physical reasons why, improved my self-confidence. Even so, few people grasp the implications of perceptive deafness, so I still had a battle royal on my hands on that front. As a child, I also wore awful spectacles which didn’t help matters…

The best thing about my childhood, and which has been a close ally ever since, remains a sense of humour, now less necessary as a form of self-defence but enjoyed for its own sake. It has certainly helped me through the past ten years of having to deal with my prostate cancer. 

As for self-doubt, yes, it still plagues me, but I now shrug it off more easily these days and focus on the brighter side of life…

True, with hindsight, I could have made more of my life, but - as we all know - there never was any point in crying over spilt milk, so…better to make the best of the Here-and-Now than brood on how past-present-future might have panned out but for… whatever. Besides, life is a learning curve and where we find ourselves on that curve, at any moment in time, is down to us, no one else and no excuses, however feasible the latter may seem. I have met some wonderful people, felt privileged to have enjoyed some great friendships (and still do) so... I prefer to count my blessings and  take my cue from them rather be a miserable old git. LOL

I hope you like the poem.

THE ENEMY WITHIN

No one has perfected the art
of inaction such as I,
who am that cloud across the sun.
threatening a storm,
sending you scuttling for cover,
finer endeavours on hold,
mind-body-spirit excused
its responsibilities, for now at least,
well-deserving of rest

Time enough, indeed, to throw
your hat in the ring,
let your finest rhetoric take shape
before translating words
into action, proving their worth,
taking credit where due,
when you judge the moment right,
confident of that measure of success
sure to guarantee happiness

 Ah, but there are no guarantees,
once I have you
by the neck; no stranglehold, it’s true,
but having you wrestle
in vain to be free of me, achieve
your heart’s desire,
recover its finer, intuitive senses
from a mind-body-spirit so wary of a fall,
as deaf to heart-and-soul

I am Self-doubt, the unseen enemy within,
targeting all things human

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022 

Keeper of the Light

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading to the same place, so it doesn’t matter which path you take. The only person wasting time is the one who runs around the mountain, telling everyone that his or her path is wrong.” – Hindu Proverb 

“… where Beauty was, nothing ever ran quite straight which, no doubt, which was why so many people looked on it as immoral.” – John Galsworthy

“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.” – Walt Whitman 

 “Beauty awakens the soul to act.” Dante Alighieri

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” – John Keats

Now, we all have good and bad memories, but the reason why happier times will always get the better of and rise above the worst is invariably due to an active inner eye and ear focusing on the kinder aspects of heart-and-soul which, by its very nature, will always home in on the positive rather than the negative; the key is, of course to keep focusing on the former, no matter how tough the going may get. 

Yes, sometimes we fail, but where there is life, there always  really is hope… in our hands, be it, no one else’s; any help along the way is always much appreciated, if not always acknowledged at the time....

KEEPER OF THE LIGHT

I see only what I can feel;
though my eyes may well argue
the truth of this,
they cannot win, for the inner eye
sees all that matters
to keep such true faith with me
as exists way beyond
any worldly processes of part or whole
that come to hunt us all

To know me is to love me 
or prove my enemy and yours,
a united front
comprising secret jealousies,
frustrations and rage
that can neither  possess me
nor find an equal
to compare with such mixed a passion
as the poetry of imagination

Hunted, haunted, good-bad
lost and found again, it is I inspires
a greater humanity
to endure, urging all its kind
keep faith with me; 
though Memory’s whim may take us 
here, there, everywhere,
it is for love of me that it can but prevail
for messaging heart-and-soul

I am called Beauty, humanity’s inner eye
on the kinder face of eternity

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Messaging Christmas Day

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

This entry is from my gay-interest poetry blog archives for Christmas Day 2014.

Now, whether you celebrate religious festivals like Christmas or not, alone or with family and friends…may the most important wishes on your wish list will come true.

Yes, this poem is another villanelle.  As regular readers will know, I love villanelles and have written nearly 200. Readers have asked if they are available in a collection but the answer is, no. I have approached a few poetry publishers but none were interested, partly because villanelles are considered old fashioned in poetry circles these days and partly because some are on a gay theme. 

I suspect you would be surprised how many poetry publishers and magazine editors won’t accept gay material ... yes, even in the 21st century.  Some 600+ of my poems have appeared in various poetry publications world-wide since 1993 (excluding any that have only appeared in my collections) yet barely 2% of those have been on a gay theme. 

Let’s hope next year will not only be the year the less enlightened among the heterosexual majority grow up and get real about gay boys and girls, men and women…whatever their socio-cultural-religious background...but also a few poetry publishers/editors too.

MESSAGING CHRISTMAS DAY

What else is there left to say
but to wish peace and love to all,
in messaging Christmas Day?

May lonely people find a way
out of free falling in a Black Hole;
what else is there left to say?

Listen to the homeless as they
may well be making Hope's last call
in messaging Christmas Day

May the world, its fears allay
that a War on Terror not see it fall;
what else is there left to say?

Let peace-and-love have its say,
wake the world with its rallying call
in messaging Christmas Day

May young and old ever say 'nay'
to denying Human Rights a lead role;
what else is there left to say,
in messaging Christmas Day?

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009; Rev. 2018

P-E-A-C-E, Sounds of Silence

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

The world is always turning, yet how little it has changed in real terms (i.e. those that really count) since its creation...

Recent reminders of war and fierce resistance to dictatorship in various parts of the world and hate crime on our very own doorsteps brought this poem to mind.

When will they ever learn? Oh, when will we (all) ever learn?

This poem is a villanelle.

  

P-E-A-C-E,  SOUNDS OF SILENCE 

Oh, for the sound of silence
as only heard in dreams
where no one wins or loses,
but common sense rules
on a reality check where grief

ceases firing its guns

in a deaf-blind rage against
a mind-body-spirit
down but never out if slower
to take heart

No escape from loneliness

on wings of a bird...

but in the sound of silence

before applause bursts

upon the grand Theatre of Life

for our playing a part

rather than sitting in the stalls

letting better actors

than ourselves be accomplices

to illusion

Where poverty, hunger,  pain,

crying out to be free,

find in loving one another

no small relief 

from the failings of any senses

put on hold for want

of meaning, purpose and faith

in ourselves, 

bring light to the darkness angels 

fear to tread

Oh, to let fall a safety curtain
on worldly sounds
distracting mind-body-spirit
from finding peace,
as a child chasing a butterfly
might well be
by the shouts of peers apparently
enjoying more rewards
than in a seemingly futile pursuit
of quiet wings

Copyright R. N. Taber 2004; 2018

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'Towards Enlightenment' in The Third Eye by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2004.]

Autobiography of a Light Bulb

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

People often tell me they have a feeling for poetry and would love to write a poem but never seem to find inspiration. Well, look around you. As I have often said, you can write a poem on just about anything,  I have written poems about tables, chairs, even puddles...

A reader has challenged me on this. Only a few days ago, he contacted me to suggest I could not write a poem about a light bulb.

Never let it be said I’d duck such a challenge.

Too many of us, I suspect, remain in the dark about so many things, including ourselves, but it is never too late to switch on, and take a good look; thereby lies the path to discernment and understanding...of ourselves, others too.We may be a diverse human race, but no one person in or facet of it has a monopoly on the human spirit; it is common to us all if less common is how, when or whether we ever choose to acknowledge and address it.

[Image taken from the Internet]

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A LIGHT BULB

I have coloured the cheeks of a child
at a birthday party

I have seen quarrels turn into beatings
and draw blood

I have watched over students yawning
for trying to concentrate

I have watched over meetings ringing
with raised voices

I have followed the progress of lovers
with delight

I am privy to secrets a journalist would
die for

I have been amused by such melodrama
as politicians love to stage

I have been moved by a significant few
brokering for peace

I become incensed by folks playing safe
for a quiet life

I despair of clerics reworking scriptures
to exonerate themselves

I empathise with poets transcending light
to justify darkness

Yet, party as I am to the whole sorry mess,
at least I can switch off

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010