The Enemy Within

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”- Sylvia Plath

“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure 

“I had some ambition. I meant everything to be different with me. I thought I had more strength and mastery. But the most terrible obstacles are such as nobody can see except oneself.” - George Eliot. (Lydgate in Middlemarch)

“Nature knows no pause in progress and development, and attaches her curse on all inaction.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Now, I have been plagued by self-doubt all my life, not least for having been put down during my childhood for my perceptive deafness and a cleft palate resulting in a bad lisp. I managed the jokes at my expense with a ready sense of humour, appearing content to laugh at myself along with everyone else, no matter how I felt inside. It was not until early adult years that I would ne diagnosed with the perceptive deafness, which made a huge difference as would speech therapy to tackle the lisp. Knowing the physical reasons why, improved my self-confidence. Even so, few people grasp the implications of perceptive deafness, so I still had a battle royal on my hands on that front. As a child, I also wore awful spectacles which didn’t help matters…

The best thing about my childhood, and which has been a close ally ever since, remains a sense of humour, now less necessary as a form of self-defence but enjoyed for its own sake. It has certainly helped me through the past ten years of having to deal with my prostate cancer. 

As for self-doubt, yes, it still plagues me, but I now shrug it off more easily these days and focus on the brighter side of life…

True, with hindsight, I could have made more of my life, but - as we all know - there never was any point in crying over spilt milk, so…better to make the best of the Here-and-Now than brood on how past-present-future might have panned out but for… whatever. Besides, life is a learning curve and where we find ourselves on that curve, at any moment in time, is down to us, no one else and no excuses, however feasible the latter may seem. I have met some wonderful people, felt privileged to have enjoyed some great friendships (and still do) so... I prefer to count my blessings and  take my cue from them rather be a miserable old git. LOL

I hope you like the poem.

THE ENEMY WITHIN

No one has perfected the art
of inaction such as I,
who am that cloud across the sun.
threatening a storm,
sending you scuttling for cover,
finer endeavours on hold,
mind-body-spirit excused
its responsibilities, for now at least,
well-deserving of rest

Time enough, indeed, to throw
your hat in the ring,
let your finest rhetoric take shape
before translating words
into action, proving their worth,
taking credit where due,
when you judge the moment right,
confident of that measure of success
sure to guarantee happiness

 Ah, but there are no guarantees,
once I have you
by the neck; no stranglehold, it’s true,
but having you wrestle
in vain to be free of me, achieve
your heart’s desire,
recover its finer, intuitive senses
from a mind-body-spirit so wary of a fall,
as deaf to heart-and-soul

I am Self-doubt, the unseen enemy within,
targeting all things human

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022 

Getting the Better of Beasties

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

An experienced store manager was made redundant some months ago as a direct result Covid-19 fallout on the High Street. Having made countless job applications I vain, he was all but despairing of ever working again until his wife suggested he try something completely new. Sceptical, he took her at her word, has just started working for a security firm and is enjoying it, not least because his take-home pay is more than in his previous job.  Some might say he was lucky while others might feel inclined to award him full-marks for his perseverance and willingness to take on something new after 10+ years in a job he loved and expected to see him through to retirement. 

Amongst other things, the coronavirus pandemic is attacking everyone’s self-confidence; none of us know what’s around the next corner. But, do we ever know? Come what may, we can but trust in the love in us - of which every heartbeat is a constant reminder - and the native resilience of a combined mind-body-spirit to see us through, for better, for worse. Trite, it might sound, but I have experienced the truth of it more than once in what will be all of 75 years in December. Seventy-five years in which I have been privileged to meet many ordinary men and women battling more odds than any poet can imagine, and making of their lives something that may rarely if ever made any headlines, but of which they can be justly proud. (No headlines, perhaps, but relayed in the spirit of many a poem and other art forms for centuries …) 

GETTING THE BETTER OF BEASTIES

Beastie is scary for any of us,
a shadowy figure obstructing our way
towards a better, kinder place,
where only kind ghosts go a-haunting,
no blots on our landscape
perpetually taunting us for past mistakes
and missed opportunities,
family, friends estranged if for no reason other
than failing to talk to each other 

Beastie knows us all too well,
aware that we’re struggling to rise above
its persistent call, ever foiled
by human nature’s natural predilection
for finding excuses, resisting
any positive direction it needs must take
for fear of failing when push
comes to shove, decisions left hanging on a rack,
for each step forward, another back 

Beastie, though, has its own fears,
not least the capacity of the human heart
to urge we put away our tears,
take a chance on seeing whatever it may be
we so need to see through,
do our best, no one has the right to ask more,
and even should we lose a fight
we’ll be sure to chance much the same another day
given human nature’s sense of fair play 

Wherever Beastie exposed as close kin to Self-doubt,
it proves no match for a resilient mind-body-spirit

Copyright R. N. Taber 2020