M-E-M-O-R-Y, Mind Games OR Tell-Tale Diary

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Who are we? What are we? Where are we at in life’s journey, and how long may we stay? Where next, and what will we find around the next corner? More of the same, perhaps, or better, worse…? 

Whatever, we can but continue trying to work through and  make sense of those parts of us that make up the human condition; in so doing, shape and reshape ourselves and each other, hopefully for the better.

M-E-M-O-RY, MIND GAMES or TELL-TALE DIARY

Names, names, more names...
rushing the mind
like commuters boarding a train

Faces, faces, younger and older,
collage of the heart,
prize pictures in an exhibition

Places, places, and more places,
focusing the inner eye;
home movies at a birthday party

Good days, bad days, and so-so
ganging up on us
in a well-meaning consciousness

Regret, regrets, and more regrets,
like grains of sand
measuring us out in an hour glass

Mind-body-spirit, and all it takes,
for getting the better
of our worst fears, come what may

Copyright R. N. Taber 2016

Negotiating Past-Present-Future OR Human Psychology, definitive X-factor

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Around the world, we are having to deal with a hitherto unknown coronavirus. A reader has emailed to ask if I think our daily lives will ever be the same again. Well, what I think hardly matters, but in answer to the question, yes, I do, and that's not just wishful thinking.  Let's face it, we deal with unknowns all the time. Time itself has to be the greatest of all unknown factors, and we deal with it, for better or worse as the case may be. The pandemic is scary, not least because so many people are dying and families grieving. Time, too, is scary, leaves many of us ill and/or dying and families having to cope.

On the whole, we all all manage our time as best we can, and make a good job of doing so. Yes, we are inclined to take time for granted and take each day as it comes where the pandemic is a new phenomenon, and making new demands of us, especially in terms of social distancing and various new measures affecting hoe we work travel and approach everyday life with no small degree of caution. Time, too, though has always made demands on us, not least a degree of caution, self awareness and positive thinking to see us through from one day to the next. We cope, each in our own way; how successfully may well  be open to question, but the principles for survival are much the same now as they have always been.  different now.

I am reminded of that universal saying 'A little thought goes a long way' and that means though for others as well as for ourselves; among lessons for the learning, that has to count among the most important, especially now. 

Humankind has managed the Here-and-Now with varying degrees of success throughout its history, and emerged smiling and hopeful throughout its wars and subsequent peace so I guess I can only suggest we 'keep smiling through' just as the song made so special for so many by Dame Vera Lynn asks of us.

Wishing you all peace and love,

Hugs,

Roger

NEGOTIATING PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE or HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY, DEFINITIVE X-FACTOR

Yesterday,

much the same, fears,

since early hours,

dreading a new dawn

(yet again)

wishing the day gone before it puts me

out for garbage

Yesterday,

all but wishing myself dead

(but not quite)

desperate for reasons

to carry on,

finding none to fan even a single flame

of inspiration

Today

I can’t make it through;

everything

I say, everything I do

coming out wrong

I just want to run away, hide somewhere;

oh, But where?

Today

I feel exposed to passers-by

staring at me,

even glaring at me,

as if suspecting

I am sick at heart, and all but falling apart

within and without

Today

a stranger smiled at me,

said “Hello”

before a growing crowd

ate him up

but his smile, kept company with me all day,

saved me from free fall

Tonight,

I find myself looking at M-E

on a rack

not of my own choosing,

blaming society,

need to take responsibility for myself, and get a life,

start thinking positively

Tonight,

a Coming of Age for latecomers

to self-esteem,

living and partly living;

needs must get real,

hopefully take a lover (two of a kind) endgame, peace

of mind

Tomorrow

I will look out for any smiles,

ignore glares,

might even dare a “Hello”

here and there,

give positive feedback the chance it deserves

to help mend frayed nerves

Tomorrow

I, too, will test a friendly grin

on a world

where hate crime on the rise,

(no surprises there)

and seek out others just like me, still growing into

into life, love, and sexuality

Copyright R. N. Taber 2020

Death in Vegas

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

On the night of October 1, 2017, Stephen Paddock, a 64-year-old man from Mesquite, Nevada, opened fire upon the crowd attending the Route 91 Harvest music festival on the Las Vegas Strip in Nevada.  The incident is the deadliest mass shooting committed by an individual in the history of the United States. All our hearts must surely go out to the families and friends killed and injured.

I have known Americans for and against existing gun laws in the U.S over many years; the latter, invariably sick of always being shouted down by those for whom any change in laws enshrined in the Constitution would be tantamount to an infringement of their human rights. Even some family members and friends of the many who have been killed or maimed in terrible shooting incidents like that in Las Vegas recently continue to demand what they seem to see as a natural right to protection by arming themselves. (How does stricter control of the sale of guns infringe anyone’s Human Rights?)

Many argue that existing gun laws in the U.S. should not be seen as having been inscribed on tablets of stone; not only more appropriate to its pioneer days than a modern America but also  responsible for continuing outbreaks of violence on its streets, including such carnage as witnessed in Las Vegas. Relatively rare such shocking events may be, at least on such a scale, but isn’t it high time for some serious, informed, common sense debate on the subject without the powerful gun lobby invariably getting the upper hand by such under hand tactics as accusing the opposition of disloyalty to - even betrayal of and disrespect for - their country’s finer democratic principles?

Readers may think that, as an Englishman, America’s gun laws are none of my business and they may well be right. Even so, people from all over the world visit the U.S. for pleasure and business. I enjoyed a 4-week stay there myself some years ago. Doesn’t everyone deserve to feel less at risk by antiquated gun laws that simply need tightening?  

Should any law be considered sacrosanct in its original form where a few common sense amendments might well save even just one human life? I suspect we all know what the dead would say if they had a voice so maybe it’s time they were given one…? Don't all those comprising democratic societies bear some responsibility for that?

'Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind...' John Donne

Ah, I can all but hear one American friend say, but Donne was an Englishman and the English have no idea about other cultures. That may well be true, but - not least because I am gay man, I am reminded of the African-American writer Ernest J. Gaines on record for asking, 'Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?'

Food for thought, at least, surely...?

DEATH IN VEGAS 

Country ways in the city,

music for building dreams by

for eye and ear

Grass growing greener

in a city pretending not a care

in the world

Celebration on location,

sunny faces wreathed in smiles,

poetry of joy

Suddenly, out of nowhere,

all is chaos, devastation, grudges

out of the past

Random shots at the sun

if only to show Man's darker side

(for what, sport?)

Ask the birds and the wildlife

whose freedom was meant to count

for something

Ask folks on Las Vegas Strip

one October evening about legends

on tablets of stone...

Copyright R. N. Taber 2017

London, UK, October 3^rd 2017

Engaging with Mr Hyde

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Most if not all of us have a dark side, possibly never more memorably illustrated than by Robert Louis Stevenson in his famous novel The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

What do we see when we look in a mirror? Sometimes, reflecting on how we look exposes much of how we are feeling but cannot articulate at the time; an indefinable anxiety about giving much if anything away.

In my experience, we need to give more away, feel less inhibited about confiding worries, fears, even a sense of split personality that can only fuel both.

On the whole, we all do a good job of camouflage. But is that a good thing? I suspect people would be less likely to crack under the strain of whatever it was causes them to do terrible things if they had felt able to talk to someone who might have been able to help them reach a clearer, less awful perspective on friends, family, colleagues, and life in general.

Having experienced a severe nervous breakdown some 30+ years ago, I remain haunted by how much worse it so easily could have been if I hadn’t received the help and support I needed. This, I should add, was more by accident then design.

Looking back, I can see how feelings of distress fuelled by an emotionally damaged childhood and early manhood erupted as they did. I am only surprised this didn’t occur years earlier. Possibly, compensating very well (too well) for a significant hearing loss and having to conceal the fact that I am gay for many years (when gay relationships were a criminal offence) made me such an expert in the art of hiding my feelings that I could not even make them out myself. Certainly, I could not articulate on them and needed help in flushing them out before I could even begin to come to terms with how I really felt or who I really am.

Traumatic and distressing though my breakdown was, I was one of the lucky ones. 30+ years on, I still suffer bouts of depression from time to time, but these are nothing compared to what happened to me then. Tragically, mental health is still something of a taboo subject which is probably why most people’s conception of mental health issues continues to be naïve if not downright ignorant; more often than not, it is a distorted one. Only those of us who have experienced it and the relatively few people who have supported us on that ghastly roller-coaster ride, have any idea of the damage it does to the human psyche.

So if someone you know starts behaving strangely and out of character, please don’t give up on them. Try to help and support them. (Professional help and support is not always either forthcoming or constructive.) It isn’t always easy being a friend, but friendship means taking the rough with the smooth. Sadly, some people are only interested in the latter; they cannot or will not contend with the other.

This poem is a villanelle.

ENGAGING WITH MR HYDE

Find beasties in mirrors weeping

for those looking fear in the eye,

never truly awake or ever sleeping

Silent as dawn’s stealth creeping

over bedcovers where we lie,

find beasties in mirrors weeping

Werewolves in sheep’s clothing

(human nature knows us by)

never truly awake or ever sleeping

Consorting with gargoyles sweeping

up mistakes and lies we’ll deny,

find beasties in mirrors weeping

Through a lace curtain of empathy,

home truths from which we shy,

never truly awake or ever sleeping

Alter ego, a chameleon peeping

through a roaming glass eye;

find beasties in mirrors weeping,

never truly awake or ever sleeping

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010

Proof of Life

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Inspiration for life, love, hope, happiness…you name it…comes in many shapes and forms. But it's out there, folks, just waiting for us feel our way to it with mind, body and spirit, absorb its energy and let it go to work on our senses, including that old chestnut, sheer willpower. 

This poem is a kenning.

PROOF OF LIFE

When people ask who I am,

I tell them to look within themselves

and to each other, perhaps

uncover those mysteries that haunt us

as we journey through life...

How come we here, why, going where?

Questions on the lips, reason

at the inner ear brooking yet more,

answers found wanting

When people ask who I am

I tell them to look around, take in all

they see, feel, need to explain,

justify or change (but how?) perhaps

expecting me to provide

the cure for a sick world, solutions

to its failing societies,

religions losing sight of a vocation

to reunite who they divide

When people ask who I am,

I tell them to learn the body language

of family, friends, workmates

in the staff room, complete strangers

at bus stops, commuters on trains,

probe those subtle discrepancies between

what we say and what we mean;

stop playing a political correctness game,

give truth its proper name

Who am I? I am the philosophy

that defines who you are

Copyright R. N. Taber 2007, 2019

[Note: The last couplet differs slightly from the version of this poem that appears in  Accomplices to Illusion by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2007]