Either/Or, Life Force

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Of all life forces confronting us a we journey through life, few if any are equal to that of choice; it can literally be a matter of life and death or, at the very least, a life changing experience.

Forewarned is forearmed, or so they say, that communal ‘they’ might well do better to stick to what it does best, making mountains out of molehills, than trying to dictate the workings of a mind-body-spirit inclined to put its trust in basic instinct.

A couple of days ago, I was warned by a specialist that a recurring ear complaint could be cancer of the ear and might require surgery. The possibility had been put to me before, but native instinct was already rejecting surgery ,whatever the outcome. Normally I would not hesitate to take specialist advice, but sometimes our instincts should not be ignored, especially when they are as forceful as mine in this particular case. However, it still remains to be seen if I do have ear cancer, so...finger crossed.

Which is the more important, life or quality of life? Everyone will have their own answer to that, depending on all manner of circumstances; religion, too, will have its say. Whatever, the final decision remains ours or, if it so happens that we are not able to make it for ourselves, we can but trust those who know and love us best to see that the right choice is made on our behalf; the right choice for us, that is, not necessarily for them.]

As for yours truly, I’ve had a good run and, at 76 years old, have no intention of agreeing to surgery even if it is considered to be in my best interests. Meanwhile, I will continue to play events by ear as they unfold... no pun intended.

EITHER/ OR, LIFE FORCE

Though friendly clouds carry me
to the ends of the earth
whenever and wherever caught
such ever-changing
landscapes, matching humanity
mood for mood,
as we now engage, now beat a retreat
with its every heartbeat

It was a landscape of the womb
first installed in me
a mind-body-spirit reaching out
across a family history
of which soon I would be a part,
for good or ill...
I could not even guess, no thoughts yet
of engaging or retreat

Come into the world on a tide
of mixed feelings...
pain and joy, relief and such hope
as would carry me
into landscapes unknown...
across generations
drawing on and shaping the human heart
to destroy and/or create

Thus, a first take on that to-be-or-not-to-be
question for/ of humanity

Copyright R. N. Taber, 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Past-Present-Future, Our Call

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

While I don’t believe we (quite) make our own luck or bad luck, I have come to have a sense of mind-body-spirit’s directing it. 

As regular readers know, I had planned to qualify as a librarian after leaving school in January 1964 (after re-taking and re-failing an A-level.) Unable to take up my place at Library School, I drifted for a good 7 years with no real sense of direction. 

Looking back, though, I may have lost heart, and mind-body-spirit may well aided and abetted my drifting, we never lost sight of what or who I wanted to be. I went into free fall after freefall, made mistake after mistake, but even in the course of these, I never quite lost sight of my original aims in life -to be a librarian and find the confidence to look the world in the eye as a gay man.   

My hearing problem (perceptive deafness) means I often have communication problems in group situations; apart from a love of literature, I am essentially a ‘people’ person so public library work was always the obvious choice of career as it involves a lot of 1-1 information work with which I am (far) more comfortable and can cope (far) more effectively. As for being gay, mind-body-spirit was working on that issue too. 

Yes, I got there in the end and many would say it was more by luck than good judgement. It may sound whimsical, but I suspect mind-body-spirit knew best. Yes, it took me a longer to qualify as a librarian, and I did not leave the proverbial ‘closet’ until my 30’s, but those dark years of drifting like a lost soul in a worldly wilderness gave me a greater understanding of personal crises and (hopefully) has made me a better poet. Although I have always loved writing poetry, I never realised just how much a part of me the poet in me really is until I was much older. 

So, luck, bad luck...up to a point we make our own, but if we never (quite) lose our sense of direction in life... well, yes, I suspect mind-body-spirit will continue to guide us through thick and thin if we but keep faith with it, and let it do just that. 

PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE, OUR CALL 

Like leaves on a feisty breeze,
the baffled consciousness travels
a puzzled world’s wondering
just what’s what about governmental
decisions, as likely as not to leave us
asking more questions, if only for mulling
what-might-have-been but for pecuniary pies
in various (potential) answers 

Like blossom on a feisty breeze,
the hopeful consciousness travels
as freely as any scepticism
regarding electoral cat-and-mouse games
as likely as not to be interrupted
by as an innate a cynicism as parental calls
for us to participate in home rituals reaffirming
their knowing what’s ‘best’ for us 

Like roots in a feisty breeze
an enduring consciousness travels
time and (personal) space...
coming to rest more by nature’s whim
than any pre-ordained design
yet returning to the earth from whence it came,
perchance to rebirth itself, with the good earth onside
to make reparation, earn forgiveness? 

Chance may well be a fine thing, once it can see  
just who-what-where in life we need to be 

Copyright R. N. Taber 2021

[Note: this post-poem appears on both poetry blogs today.] RNT

The Right Thing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A new poem today. 

The 'right thing' for one person is not always the right thing for another; a trite, yes, but true enough comment, often overlooked by those inclined to rush to judgement on others. Indeed, the latter are often inclined to judge us less by our actions and their consequences than for the choices - as they see it - we make to precipitate them given that, yes, we can so easily get it wrong.

No one - even loved ones - know us better than we know ourselves. As for choices, these are rarely as simple as meet the human eye, especially that of an onlooker, however involved and/or directly affected he or she may be.

Self-awareness is a heavy responsibility that all of us carry through life; it is the sum of that same mind-body-spirit we do our best to nurture, but which is often inclined to send out mixed messages that we select, home in on and interpret one way. while others may well follow the same process but interpret differently, and presume to 'judge' us accordingly.

We can but try to do the 'right thing' by ourselves and others even if it involves hard choices between 

- and consequences for - one or the other.  Sometimes, it can appear to be a no-win situation, but - as I have said before on the blogs, and speak from personal experience - never underestimate the power of mind-body-spirit to find a way through any subsequent maze of sense-and-sensibility.

A word, now, to those young people affected by the current examination results crisis. I actually sat my A-levels many years ago so my circumstances were very different. Even so, I needed at least two A-levels to follow my first choice career, and  only managed one. My world fell apart, and no one really understood or made any practical suggestions. Somehow, though, I steered a very rough passage through the next seven years, went to university as a mature student, achieved a better degree than anyone expected, and subsequently achieved a professional qualification in that same first choice career I'd chosen at school. The worst was not over yet - a nervous breakdown would see to that - but even then mind-body-spirit steered me into my 40's and I have been happy enough since.

Would I have had things different? Yes, of course, but various choices to effect that difference were only available to me at various stages of my life.I could not even go with the flow, but had to rely on changing tides,  as I suspect do many of us. 

Hope really does spring eternal, but also needs our help to do the right thing by us ... eventually.

THE RIGHT THING

I form the ties that bind

such life forces of mind-body-spirit

as provide a learning curve

for all human history to learn, regress

or stand still, measuring

human progress by acts of kindness

and understanding

towards others, regardless of ethnicity,

creed, place in society

I make allowances for mistakes

that (at least) teach us never to repeat

the same again, forgiving

(if never forgetting) any slow learners

in the games people play,

whether pushing to get their own way

by pulling strings or relying

on self-awareness to sustain integrity,

avoid notoriety

Be we a winner, loser, an also-ran

or might-have-been but for this or that

person or consequence

tracking our strengths and weaknesses,

no time for excuses;

it’s mind-body-spirit shapes

the ships we sail through life, our hands

on the wheel tackling rough

and smooth, sink or swim, no one else

to blame …

I am Self Awareness, urging (never forcing)

us to home in on, and do the right thing

Copyright R. N. Taber 2020

Mind-Body-Spirit, Only a Heartbeat Away

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Now, when all is said and done, advice given and counselling taken on board, the course of action we choose to take has to be ours, no one else’s; nor should we blame anyone but ourselves if things go wrong.

Sometimes, though, things have to go wrong in order to come right.

As regular readers will know, 1969 saw me ‘emigrate’ to Australia, but it didn’t work out and I came home, much to everyone’s delight who had advised against going and could now smugly say “I told you so …”

What no one understood, though, was that I emigrated in sheer desperation to get away from those same people. I was a psychological mess, not least for being a closet gay man, but many other reasons too; e.g. having failed one of my A-levels, I was unable to proceed with the career of my choice and hadn't a clue what to do next.

I had no one to talk to in whom I could have any confidence they would really listen or understand. Oh, they would try, but … have you ever noticed that when you are needing to talk in-depth about yourself to anyone, most people respond, not in relation to you but to themselves; they proceed to tell you what they think they would do in your situation, given their history and various sets of circumstances not what they think you should do given yours. Invariably, it is all very well-meaning, but little if any help. In the end, we just have to trust our own instincts.

Now, my emigrating may well have been a huge mistake, but it had the saving grace of buying me time. My ship -The Southern Cross - sailed from Liverpool via Panama and took six weeks to reach Melbourne. For the first time in my life, I had time to think, listen to mind-body-spirit and learn to trust my instincts. I had made so many mistakes, and there never seemed to be time work out how best to rectify them ... until Oz.

Subsequently, I returned home home, a different person and (hopefully) a better one. I knew now what I wanted (a professional career in public libraries) despite a significant hearing problem (no effective hearing aids for perceptive deafness were available then) and coming out to the world as a non-stereotypical gay man. Both took time, but I had achieved the former by 1975; it would take about another ten years, following the death of my mother and a bad nervous breakdown to achieve the latter. They were good years and bad years; it took a good 10 years - and more mistakes - before I would start to feel not only a whole person, but comfortable with that person. By now, I had learned to make time rather then let it break me.

Sometimes, looking after number one has to be a priority before we can really let numbers two, three, four or more into our lives and stand any chance of our connecting with them or they with us. Sadly, for all modern technology, really connecting with each other is not always human nature’s greater forte. We all have a responsibility towards one another, but as a wise R E teacher once commented to the class at my old school some 60+ years ago, "We can't expect to be of much help to others if we can't, don't or won't even take good care of ourselves." Oh, but so true, never more so perhaps than  during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ― Albert Einstein

“He who thinks little errs much…” ― Leonardo da Vinci

MIND-BODY-SPIRIT, ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY

World, in a hurry, 

no time to think things through,

making mistakes …

(Oh, and who’s blaming who?)

priorities blurring …

Need answers, can’t keep deferring

finding a solution

because Head says “Keep on going ...”

Heart, weary of trying

Folks, rushing by,

all needing things done yesterday

having to settle

for ‘maybe tomorrow’ if not too late

(as it often is …)

No one to blame, but so easier said

than done …

when the Head says “Keep on going …”

Heart, weary of hoping

Time, hastening on,

waiting for no one, haunting us all

as we try to fit in

with yesterday-today-tomorrow’s

agenda for life, death

and whatever else we can succeed

instead of failing

while Head says “Keep on going …”

Heart, weary of waiting

Instinct, kicking in

where head-heart (far) from certain

regarding the best

course of action, keyword confusion,

given contrary advice

by those we thought knew us better

(rude awakening)

where Head says “Keep on going …”

Heart, "No surrendering

Human clock, ticking,

mind-body-spirit risen to the occasion,

taking chances

on what it perceives as the better option

for first person singular

if not plural of the species, taking action

(before it's too late)

where Head says “Keep on going …”

Heart, the faster beating

Copyright R. N. Taber 2018

Time Out

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem last appeared on the blogs in 2009 and I am repeating it today especially for a ‘L. P.’ who has been in touch to ask how best to tell family and friends he is gay. Another young man once asked when I thought might be a good time to tell his parents he had no intention of marrying the young woman his family have chosen for him. I also told them both that, it is their decision and theirs alone, but the longer they wait, the harder it will be. Nor should we blame ourselves for any hurt caused by standing out ground when we feel the need. We are not answerable for the shortcomings and/or short sightedness of others.

Is there ever a right time to tell someone something with which they may feel uncomfortable? Home truths, for example, never go down well at first if at all.

Ah, but we should not underestimate the power of common sense, and even less so the heart’s capacity to argue with questionable reason...and win.

Just as most LGBT people need to make time to tell family and friends about their sexuality, so those among the heterosexual majority who decide to go against parental well-meaning for their well-being and choose another path also need to choose their moment with care. Yes, with care, for diplomacy can only ever help win over the opposition.

In some instances, of course, there will rarely if ever be a ‘right’ time to raise this matter or that. Yet, the more serious the matter and the more intensely it concerns us, the more important it is that we make time to let the people who matter to us know that it’s the way in life we propose to follow, and are confident it is right for us.
,
Whether any attempts at diplomacy succeed or not, only time will tell ... and time demands both parties fully respect if not fully understand each other's point of view. Everyone needs to take time out in their lives to reconsider taking sides against others simply because they are 'different'; in other words, they do not conform to our own conventions/expectations. I suspect it is up to younger generations, from all walks of life, to lead the way in proving that our differences do not make us different, only human.

Did I say it was easy?

TIME OUT

Doors half opening, half closing;
windows flung wide, slammed shut;
roads stretching, bending;
children born and growing so fast;
parents coming, going,
working, and trying their hardest
to make out they won’t
even mind dying, but only so long
as the timing’s - what, right?

Earth flung, heaped, piling up;
nature’s buds opening, now closing;
dirt tracks stretching, bending;
world's birds singing while nesting;
parents coming, going,
and working at trying their hardest
to make out they won’t
even mind chicks flying off so long
as the timing’s - what, right?

More flinging, slamming about;
hungry mouths opening, now closing;
bony legs stretching, bending;
a capacity for love born, growing fast;
doubts coming, going,
working at trying their hardest
to fool us they not only
have our very best interests at heart,
but their timing’s - what, right?

Seasons of animal, vegetable, mineral,
leaving no time to make sense of it all

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2011

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'A Question of Timing' in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]