My World

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

"I am in blood/Stepped in so far, that should I wade no more,/ Returning would be a tedious as go o'er." - thus speaks Macbeth in Shakespeare's play.

"Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for reputations." - Thomas Dewar

Now, an old friend once confided that he wished he had lived his life differently, done certain things differently, made fewer mistakes. He then gave a long sigh and said, "We are who we are, I guess, and who can we blame for that but ourselves? Others play their part, no doubt about that, but at the end of the day..." I have to say I empathised completely.

Much as I deplore Vladimir Putin's intentions against Ukraine, I cannot help but wonder whether or not he, too, empathises with Macbeth?  To some extent or another, I suspect many, if not most, of us can?

As my English teacher pointed out at the time my class was studying the play, we all make many a mistake where even apologising and trying to make amends means precious little, in real terms, to those on the receiving end. 

Whether 'stepped in blood so far...' or no, it's not so much vanity that often prevents us from attempting a retreat, as fear of experiencing physical and/ or emotional consequences not dissimilar to whose we have inflicted.

As my mother would say, nothing ventured, nothing gained...except consequences.

MY WORLD

I had left without going anywhere,
done damage without lifting a finger,
enough to have said things
I could not, would not ever take back
for lack of moral courage
in me, refusing, time and again to confess
that of the you-me-us
to whom I have always aspired, the ‘me’
 is but a fantasy

I was never the person I believed in,
whom others took for someone born to be
a loser in the greater scheme
of humanity, letting them down by putting
a false smile on my face,
for making out all’s well in a world waking
to nightmares. day after day,
small comfort in sweet dreams every night
of getting it right

Too late to go back, set out again,
driven by broader, kinder, fairer objectives
towards those with whom
I cannot agree to differ without losing face,
not an option for the likes
of such as I, raised to believe it’s better to go
on the attack than wait
for the long arm of diplomacy to reach out
too late...

Precious little peace in a world so mindful of me,
my own worst enemy

Copyright R. N. Taber 2022

Home Thoughts from an Internment Camp

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Today’s poem (another kenning) is not intended to be particularly political, but in the sense that many of us have to live with what can be the very punishing effects imposed by any errors of judgement we may have made in the past, for whatever reason/s.

Now, much is being made of the UK Supreme Court’s decision to revoke Shamima Begum’s citizenship and not allow her to return home. Some see it as an abuse of Human Rights. Personally, I think she abused those by going to Syria in the first place. Yes, she was only fifteen years-old, and possibly ‘groomed’ along with two other schoolgirls who accompanied her. Even a 15-year-old, though, knows the difference between right and wrong, and it was a deliberate choice on all their parts to associate with ISIS.

I do have a lot of sympathy for the woman, but to allow her back into the UK or anywhere in mainland Europe, would present a threat not only to herself but to others. She has terrorist contacts whom she may well now disown, but they will be keeping an eagle eye on her case; should she ever be allowed to return to mainstream western society, it is more than likely that they will attempt to enlist her for terrorist offences. What say will that society have in a matter that could well work savagely and ruthlessly against it?  Is it within the remit of any Court of Human Rights to rule that any society needs must take such a risk for the sake of any individual? I, personally, think not.

Some readers may well think I am being harsh, but the woman has kept company with those who are responsible for the murder of innocent people to the extent that she deserves a life sentence. 

Sadly, hindsight often is a life sentence.

We can regret our mistakes, repent any wrongdoings, even be forgiven by those we have wronged, but our past will always haunt our present and any future we are able to make for ourselves. I dare say most captives under guard in any internment camp dream of what-might-have-been if….

Not without good reason is ‘if’ often described as the longest word in the dictionary.

HOME THOUGHTS FROM AN INTERNMENT CAMP

I can make excuses,
even make a case to be forgiven,
yet what I have done
cannot be forgotten, leaves stains
on my personal history,
permanent scars on the lives of others,
among them,
husbands and wives, fathers and mothers,
sisters and brothers 

What is done is done,
can neither be undone nor repaired
(even in part)
for all I may dearly wish, even try
to make amends
for having instructed mind-body-spirit
to reason not the need,
but obey the dictates of such righteousness,
as seeks no forgiveness 

I was blind and now I see,
was misled by the passion of my youth
for adventure
to side with whom I saw as fighting
a good fight
for the right to have their political aims
taken on board
by a world refusing to listen, thereby deserving
retaliatory destruction 

I am Hindsight, whose punishment fits my crimes,
regret alone, no master key to kinder times 

Copyright R.N. Taber 2021