See-Hear
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
I am very forgetful these days, but a young reader ‘A
V’ has emailed to ask if I would repeat what I appear to have once once said on the blog about my
being partially deaf; in fact, it is ‘perceptive deafness’ – to use its proper
name which has been the bane of my life since I contracted measles at the age
of 4 years... 72 years ago! The reader is convinced he or she has the same
problem, but it has yet to be identified/ confirmed. Hopefully, this can be
done much sooner than it happened for me as I was not referred to an ENT (Ear
Nose & Throat) hospital until my early 20’s.
Schooldays were a nightmare. Even now, it isn’t easy
to get people to grasp and remember that perceptive deafness is a pitch
deafness; the pitch of a person’s voice plays an important part in just how
much I catch of what of someone is saying. Acoustics are also important; in one
room I might hear someone perfectly well, but in another room, with different
acoustics, I would struggle to hear the same person. Accents are always a
problem for me, too, especially over the phone, as a result of which I have
often been accused of shades of racism if (as I often do) I need to ask someone
to speak a little slower and clearer.
I have lost count of how many times operators have
hung up on me whenever they feel insulted and haven’t time to listen to my
explanation; saying I have perceptive deafness is rarely acceptable as most people
don’t understand what that entails. Settling for explaining that I am partially
deaf often helps, but not always.
At home, there were all sorts of problems as well,
especially with my father who would often address me and I wouldn’t hear, so he
would shout at me and send me to my room. I would not understand why he was
shouting and did not believe that I hadn’t heard him, so would invariably sulk,
even respond rudely for the sheer injustice of it all – which, of course, would
make the situation worse. He never hit me, my father, but nor did he ever
accept that I had a hearing problem, and who can blame him as no one else
really understood my problem either?
Mind you, even had I been blessed with normal hearing,
my father and I would not have got along, not least because I never subscribed
to the stereotypical template of what makes a boy tick; he had badly wanted a
girl and I was never going to compensate for that.
In my mid-20’s I was prescribed hearing aids that
proved to be a great help. Later, the ENT hospital in London obtained hearing
aids from Germany for me that were especially tailored to perceptive deafness.
I would continue to have problems, but these were less damaging to my life in
general, although I would always have a problem with large groups, and still
do. While there is no point in crying over spilt milk, I’ve often had cause to
regret that I cannot give the social animal that I am, by nature, its head...
I should add that, up to a point, I subconsciously lip read, so I don't always fully understand anyone wearing a mask, so... not easy these days when it is so important to wear one in shops, on public transport and busy streets. Oh, well, c'est la vie. 😉
Oh, well, we are who we are and must make the best of
that rather than hanker to be otherwise or we will never find peace of mind,
let alone be happy. I continue to nurture a positive-thinking mindset and keep
looking on the bright(er) side of life.
Take care everyone, please do visit the blog
again soon, and feel free to explore the archives any time,
Hugs,
Roger
SEE-HEAR
A Blur of Silence all around,
closing in on me...
All I sought, yet so rarely found
A yearning for the true sound
of bird and bee...
A Blur of Silence all around
Oh, to leap life’s merry-go-round,
for a chance to be...
All I sought, yet so rarely found
It was you that ran me to ground
persistently...
A Blur of Silence all around
It’s now, I hear the sweetest sound
within me...
All I sought, yet so rarely found
On love, my heart can now expound
well and truly...
A Blur of Silence all around,
all I sought, yet so rarely found
Copyright R. N. Taber, 2002; rev. 2022.
[Note: An earlier version of this poem (a villanelle)
appears as the Dedication poem ‘To Deaf and Hard of Hearing People Everywhere’ in
my collection, First Person Plural, Assembly Books, 2002]
Labels: deafness, global consciousness, hearing problems, human nature, human spirit, life forces, lip reading, perceptive deafness, personal space, poetry, positive thinking, self-awareness, society