Beware, I Play Dirty OR Myself, My Enemy
Today's poem first appeared on the blog in 2013. I suspect most people's self-confidence is being put to the test as Covid-19 continues to rage around the world. As I see it, it's important that we meet the challenge head-on while, at the same time, using our common sense when it comes to everyday risk management.
There was a time, too, when I was more than a little paranoid and thought everyone was looking at me, talking about me, judging me...and not only for my sexuality, but how I look, dress...everything about me. Yet, as my dear, late mother once pointed out (but I ignored at the time) even if that were true, all the while they are having a go at me, they are leaving someone else alone. I (eventually) managed to substitute paranoia with a sense of stoicism which, in turn, gradually metamorphosed into a growing self-confidence.
I once commented to a young man buying drinks in a gay bar (it could have been anywhere, of course) that I admired his self-confidence, He laughed, “Me, self- confident? Don’t you believe it, mate, it’s all an act.” He winked and gave me this advice as he went to join his boyfriend, “Try it and see.” I did, and it worked.
Oh, I never found the degree of self-confidence that young man exuded, but at least I was on track for getting a life. Besides, regarding my sexuality at least, it was the kind of life I really wanted for myself, not the one I had been made to feel for years that I should want.
Self-confidence and faith in a sense of our own personal identity is a lesson I suspect many of us may yet do well to learn; gay or straight, male or female, whatever our socio-cultural-religious background. Sexuality, is only part of the human equation, an equation that can add up to a prize fight in more ways than one ... but worth it (surely?) to establish who we are, not only to others, but more importantly to ourselves.
“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare -Measure for Measure
“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” - ― Sylvia Plath
This poem is a kenning.
I will seize upon your senses,
I have all the tools of torture
Call me Self-Doubt a native vulnerability
that's any aspiration's worst enemy
Labels: bigotry vulnerability, common sense, human nature, human spirit, life forces, love culture, mind-body-spirit, personal space poetry, positive thinking, religion, society
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