A Survivor's Tale or L-I-F-E, Mixed Blessings
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber
The only subjects at which I did well at school were English and History; it was, after all, a Technical High School, specialising – as its name suggests – in practical and scientific subjects at which I was next to useless.
A
hearing problem which was not diagnosed until my early 20’s didn’t help nor did
my family moving house when I was still in my early teens, taking me away from all
my friends.
Even so, I doubt whether I would have hated my schooldays any the less. I did not qualify for a university and moved from job to job for several years. Eventually, I did go to university and got the degree I needed to get a place at Library School to become a librarian, which I had set my heart on years earlier.
I enjoyed Information work in public libraries for many years, although I was haunted by my sexuality still during the early years; in those days, gay folks were looked upon by most people in anything but a favourable light, to say the least.
As regular readers know, I tried emigrating to Australia for all the wrong reasons; it was another failure. Then my mother died (1976), after which followed a bad nervous breakdown just a few years later that saw me on the dole for nearly four years. A charity organization then helped me return to work as a librarian, and the years that followed were mostly good years. I had told the world I was gay and made some good friends.
Now retired and aged 75, I look back at my life with very mixed feelings. I never got to own my own house and my bank account has rarely been as healthy as I would have liked. On the other hand, I had Covid-19 symptoms in early January 2020, and did not need to go to hospital, and have been living with prostate cancer for ten years...
So… am I happy? Not really. Am I unhappy? Not really that either. I ask myself what I have done with my life and am none too happy with some of the answers mind-body-spirit feels inclined to give.
On my last day at school, I confided in a teacher how awful an experience my schooldays had been, not least for my being a square peg in a round hole, to which he replied, “Well, Taber, at least you survived to tell the tale. And, believe me, the art of survival is probably the most valuable lesson in life anyone can learn. Life is full of ups and downs, learning to juggle with both will stand you in good stead, believe me.”
So…
has it all stood me in good stead? Well, yes and no. Do I have regrets? Yes, of
course, and plenty of them. Do I wish I had never been born? Now and then, yes,
but mostly I am as I have always been a Happy(ish) Bunny. 😉
A SURVIVOR’S TALE or L-I-F-E, MIXED BLESSINGS
Growing old, looking back
at
life and love, pain and laughter,
all
that got in the way
of
the happy-ever-after ending
they
promised, the tales
I
devoured as a child so in awe
of
the world as its fictions
would
have it, beyond doors slamming
and
windows misting over
Growing old, looking back
at
how far I’ve come, yet how little
any
progress made
compared
with hopes and dreams
of
that younger self,
dead
set on answering “Here!”
to
the roll call of names
inspiring
generations to make their mark,
on
history, whatever it takes
Growing old, left looking on
at
a world to which I can barely relate
for
all that has changed
by
way of impacting our perspectives
on
local communities,
for
better or worse, richer or poorer,
no
answering “Here!”
on
any role-call of heroes, but happy enough
to
have lived through it all
I, Survivor, having learned my lesson well,
am still loving the learning, succeed or fail
Copyright
R. N. Taber, 2021
Labels: failures, global consciousness, human nature, human spirit, learning, life forces, love, old age, personal space, poetry, positive thinking, society, successes
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