Ego in Denial

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

A loud, talkative if successful businessman attached himself to me during an overnight stay at a hotel years ago, and offered me this advice over countless pints of lager: ‘In business, you have to aim high, be a real go-getter, stay focused on what you want and go for it, no matter what…or who. And shall I tell you what’s so great about life at the top, young man? It’s that you don’t need anyone, but everyone needs you, depends on you, for whatever reason. There's no feeling like it because you don't need anyone, you're top dog.'

Regarding the latter point, I could see he had all but convinced himself it was true. Even so, methinks he did protest just that little too much, and needless to say I was no more impressed with him or his 'advice' than than I would be now, some 30+ years on.

As for sexuality, it has been my experience that gay-friendly straight men are 100% confident in their own sexuality so have no problem with anyone else's while the average homophobe nowhere near shares that same self-confidence, resorting to discriminatory bluster to cover their own backs, so to speak....

Thank goodness for alter ego forever nudging us towards home truths, ego would prefer to ignore.

This poem is a villanelle.

EGO IN DENIAL

Don’t need anyone telling me

the best way to get by.

(Loneliness feeding on me.)

Voices cruelly, mockingly,

demanding, why…?

Don’t need anyone telling me

Choices, always goading me

to expose a white lie.

(Loneliness feeding on me.)

Who's to stop me running free,

though a sandman try?

Don’t need anyone telling me

Scathing home truths would see

I get real, brave up, deny

loneliness feeding on me…

Love, it’s a life-and-death poetry

milking rhyme and reason dry;

(Don’t need anyone telling me;

loneliness, feeding on me...)

Copyright R. N. Taber 2005; 2014

[Note: An earlier version of this poem appears under the title 'The Hungry Heart' in A Feeling for the Quickness of Time by R. N. Taber, Assembly Books, 2005.]

Close Encounters with Dark Forces

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Reading a newspaper, watching or listening to the News these days is enough to make the strongest spirit wilt.

We could be forgiven for thinking the world is terminally ill.  Yet, the human spirit has wrestled with dark forces since the beginning of time and remains essentially undefeated; bowed, even cowed sometimes, but for all the battles it may lose, it will always win the war…one way or another.

Rogue elements of human nature kind may do their worst, but - to misquote a line from Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice - the quality of human goodness is not strained, but falls like the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath…

Many years ago, I had bad nervous breakdown in the course of which I was referred for professional psychiatric help, but it was too little too late and was no help at all. Fortunately for me, I was able to lean on the kindness of several wonderful people who barely knew me but saw their way to helping my despairing mind-body-spirit find a way through the scary darkness of depression and despair into the light of a new day.

It was several years before I felt able to work again, and trying to find a job after a mental breakdown can easily cause another. I came up against brick wall after brick wall until I found an Equal Opportunities organisation that lived up to its name and eventually found a job from which I would retire twenty-five years later. Sadly, that same organisation no longer exists, but there are even more people out there now, stuck in that same scary darkness from which I managed to escape...and my heart goes out to each and every one of them. Hopefully, they will find that inner strength (which never quite abandons us even when we think it has) to ask someone, anyone for help; that person may not have a clue how to help at first, but the very fact they have listened and you have asked is the best possible start a depressed person can make on mind-body-spirit's journey home.

Man, woman or child...never, ever think there is any shame in asking for help.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS WITH DARK FORCES 

Darkness coiling around,

a wintry wind hissing at the ears,

the world like a snake poised to strike,

confusion suckling its fears

Black sky descending,

a shroud on battered mind and body,

wishful thinking cowering in a corner,

inner eye straining to see

Huge puffballs threatening

to smother even Hope’s weak breath,

as she struggles with a near blind spirit

to outwit an untimely death

Suddenly, out of nowhere,

a winking, blinking star appears,

unnerving the snake, nurturing mind

and body with history’s tears

Revived by its light, touched

by a centuries-old enduring lust

for survival, inner eye recovers its sight,

time triumphing over dust

Pinpricks of light in the black,

challenges gathering momentum,

calling on the spirit to stir its host body,

and find its way back home

Copyright R. N. Taber 2014

Islamic State (So-Called); Rivers of Blood, Sea of Hate

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

(Update, December 12 2018: The appalling attack on a Christmas Market in Strasbourg yesterday evening is being treated as a terrorist attack; the perpetrator, known to French police, is believed to have been radicalised in prison.  Whether or not Islamic State claims responsibility, they must surely take the lion's share of responsibility for any terrorist event which involves the perpetrator shouting 'Allahu Akbar (God is Great) in the course of its execution. The hearts of decent people worldwide will be reaching out to the family and friends of the dead and injured.]

[Update. March 23 2018]: Hearts across the world will be reaching out to the families and friends of those killed/ traumatised by events near Carcassonne in southern France earlier today; indeed to all the people of France, tragically no stranger to such atrocities. First reports are suggesting a link to so-called Islamic State. The terrorists can, do, and will bring fear and grief wherever they go...but they can never win if only because there is more humanity than inhumanity across the world and the former, for all the hurt it may suffer, remains indestructible.]

[Update. August 18 2017]: Re-publishing this poem/post is becoming frighteningly familiar. All good hearts cannot help but go out to the families and friends of those killed and all those injured in two horrific terrorist attacks in Spain; one yesterday and another in the early hours of this morning. It is awful enough when natural events like the recent mudslide in Sierra Leone cause devastation and death, but terrorism is a deliberate, human act and all the more horrific for that.

[Update. May 23 2017]: Events in Manchester last night have shocked and horrified the civilised world. Our hearts and thoughts fly not only to the families and friends of the dead and injured, but to anyone who was there, and may well be haunted by this senseless tragedy forever. One death is one death too many, but the ever growing total from terrorist attacks around the world must not deflect a common determination to give the greater good of human spirit a free rein to rise above it all and express itself in such acts of all-inclusive kindness as we have seen in the past; as good a message as any to terrorists that they will not and cannot win.

[Update, March 22 2017]: Our thoughts this morning are especially with the families and friends of those who died and were injured in yesterday's terrorist attack in London. Those who witnessed the attacks on Westminster Bridge and outside the Houses of Parliament will have seen scenes likely to stay with them for the rest of their lives. We can only trust that time will be kind to everyone in helping to alleviate their distress. As for the terrorists, whoever they may be, the bastards can never win if only because the better side of human nature and the natural goodness in people is stronger by far than anything they can throw at us.]

[Update, Jan 2nd 2017]: Yet again our hearts go out to the families and friends of victims and survivors of yet another terrorist atrocity carries out by so-called Islamic State, this time at a nightclub in Istanbul on New Year's Eve. The same, of course, applies to the victims of the latest car bomb attack in Iraq (Baghdad). Around the world, fanatics attached to I S strike at the very principles of our personal freedoms, but they will not emerge victorious in the ultimate endgame...if only because the majority of human kind are better than they can ever hope to be.]

[Update, Dec 20, 2016]: Our hearts go out to all the families and friends of those killed and injured in what appears to have been a terrorist attack on a Christmas market in Berlin yeaterday. Terrorists are worse than just murderers; they have no conception of decent humanity beyond their own warped idealism.  But humanity is comprised of a stronger resilience to attack than these sick minds can possibly conceive; its innate goodness WILL triumph, although the road ahead be long and many more tears shed before terrorism (and all hate crime) hangs its head in shame and concedes defeat.] 

[Update, June 26th 2015: I am sure most if not all readers will join me in utter condemnation of the murderous attack by Islamic State fanatics on innocent civilians in Tunisia, France and Kuwait yesterday. Our thoughts today are with the victims, their families and friends for whom life will never be the same again.]

[Update, November 14th 2015: Yet again, the so-called Islamic State have caused carnage. It is claiming responsibility for the deaths of many innocent civilians in Paris last night and I am sure all my readers hearts go out to the family and friends of those killed. The bastards will not win. The principles of democracy, freedom and the humanitarian values upon which they are founded and from which they will always take their strength and survive, no matter what, WILL prevail.]

Regular readers will know that I try to record certain world/national events as well as my personal relationship with body, mind and spirit and various communications with nature. My collections reflect this, too. 

I once had the idea that, centuries on, someone might come across my poetry in a time capsule and see that, for all the early twenty-first century was a mess, the finer qualities of human nature endured, survived and overcame even the atrocities committed by Islamic State (formerly ISIS) in the name of a form of Islam Muslim friends, acquaintances, and colleagues have assured me for years that no true Muslim would countenance

This poem is a villanelle.

ISLAMIC STATE (SO-CALLED): RIVERS OF BLOOD, SEA OF HATE

A raging tide, Islamic State,
(creating floods of fear);
rivers of blood, Sea of Hate

Religion, at the Devil’s Gate
(password ‘power’ here);
a raging tide, Islamic State

Good people left to their fate
(even the sun sheds a tear);
rivers of blood, Sea of Hate

Women and children but bait
(up for grabs, world media)
a raging tide, Islamic State

Islam dragged into disrepute
(its peace lovers in despair);
rivers of blood, Sea of Hate

Poisonous radicalism at root,
(no care for Earth Mother);
a raging tide, Islamic State;
rivers of blood, Sea of Hate

[London, August 30th 2014]

Copyright R. N. Taber 2014

Sanctuary OR Thoughts on Growing Old

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Many years ago, someone told me that the best thing a person can do with his or her life is to be sure to create as many happy memories to fall back on during less happy times. Oh, but how true! ]

Growing old can be tough, painful and lonely for some if not many of us although, of course, old age has no monopoly on any of these. 

Happy memories are not for crying over because they are in the past, but for celebrating and providing a sanctuary of thoughts as we run the gamut of life's harder times, thereby making the Here-and-Now less tough, painful or lonely...if we let it; they may also inspire us to create more such memories because  it's never too late all the while we can raise a smile and laugh enough to encourage others into our lives. As my dear, late mother once commented, no one enjoys the company of a perennial whinger.

SANCTUARY or THOUGHTS ON GROWING OLD

When I walk in the Valley of Memory,
all those I have loved greet me there,
light in their eyes like the sun in summer skies,
past harsh words, beyond pain or care

When I walk in the Valley of Memory,
I rejoice to be all that I can,
mistakes redeemed, life all that it seemed
to the child I was and young man

When I walk in the Valley of Memory
lambs among wolves play at ease,
rain washed clean, the grass growing green,
flowers, icons of love and peace

When I walk in the Valley of Memory,
a breeze recites poems in my ears,
trees sing songs about rights instead of wrongs
and all raison d’être reappears

Whenever I leave the valley, as I must,
for the world as it is, a sorry place,
I feel safer for knowing it’s there for the going
as a cold wind rips at my face


Copyright R. N. Taber, 2014

Human Nature, the Archives

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Since the beginning of time, history has been recorded in various art forms in caves, palaces, tombs, wherever … proving, if nothing else, that in the sense that human nature runs the gamut of good and bad, it remains, like time itself, an essentially constant factor in an ever changing world.

This poem is a villanelle.

HUMAN NATURE, THE ARCHIVES

Hieroglyphics on a stone wall
revisiting war and peace,
we creatures great and small

Demands that we ignore a call
to heed the bigot’s cause;
hieroglyphics on a stone wall

To each our own, walking tall
in Earth Mother’s eyes,
we creatures great and small

Where pride anticipates a fall,
find religion on its knees,
hieroglyphics on a stone wall

All things bright and beautiful,
compensating for our tears,
we creatures great and small

Lines left barely decipherable
marking out life histories;
hieroglyphics on a stone wall,
we creatures great and small

Copyright R. N. Taber 2009

W-A-R, Crucible of Remembrance

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Now and then, I receive emails from ordinary men and women who have lost loved ones in one or other of the world’s a war zones, and seek peace of mind.

Every death deserves a poem. Sadly, though, the Muse cannot keep pace with it all. As for peace of mind, there is little enough of that to be found in a war zone, whether it be in Ukraine, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Gaza…wherever.

Let us give some thought, too, to the survivors of those life-or-death battles around the world in which involvement they may, rightly or wrongly, take pride, while I suspect they, like the rest of us, can but struggle to find words to justify it all. Oh, plenty of excuses under cover of various socio-cultural-religious-political camouflage, but justification in real (human) terms...?

We should also bear in mind, of course, that we are all but human beings trying to do what we think is right; there are casualties on both sides of any conflict, their loved ones, too, left behind to try and pick up the pieces of a fragmented life.

Tragically, while love may well nurture dreams that last forever, the world’s power-hungry vultures from various quasi-cultural/ religious/political backgrounds are inclined to do the same for its nightmares.

W-A-R, CRUCIBLE OF REMEMBRANCE

Blood on the grass, blood on the mud,

evening skies spilling the blood

of dying and wounded on sand, on sea,

sacrifices meant to set the world free

Blood on the hands helping comrades

to call out and challenge Hades;

blood on the pillow, blood on the sheet

where love’s worst nightmares meet

Blood on the ceiling, the lamp shade too,

bloodshot eyes still weeping for you;

bloody, the colour of your lips and warm,

defying nightmares to save a dream

Blood on the grass, blood on the sands,

rites of passages no one understands;

though it shed blood (in whatever name)

to a common humanity, the same dream

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010; 2014

Sometimes Love Doesn't (Quite) Make It

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._N._Taber

Gay or straight, man or woman, I dare say there are a good few people out there whose hearts have been stirred if not broken by a romantic interlude on holiday…or just about any time, anywhere.

Oh, but romance can be so fickle. Love, now that’s something else, and where there’s life…

SOMETIMES LOVE DOESN’T (QUITE) MAKE IT

I’ve strolled in green hills

felt summer’s fingers in my hair,

raindrops like kisses,

envying leafy songbirds

free to fly where they choose

as nature intended,

lying on a bed of heather

its scent invading all my senses

just as you (still) do

We’d stroll in green hills

where you’d run fingers in my hair,

(pausing for kisses)

and write love songs

for the birds, fly where we chose

as nature intended,

lying on a bed of heather

its scent invading all our senses,

all but conquering us

I’ve walked grubby streets

felt summer’s fingers tease my hair,

raindrops like tears,

envying couples holding hands

their sweeter life choices

(or nature at play?)

wishing them kinder places

than sure to invade all the senses,

keep the spoils

Once, we were songbirds flying high,

till a north wind exposed us for a lie

Copyright R. N. Taber 2010